its hard. i just have to learn. learning all the while. learning how to fly. learning how to take care of myself like before. learn to believe people's words just like what the words are. learn to trust them back. even if they break your trust before. it is so difficult.

probably im like her. forever wanting to break free from many things. want to be who we are like before. thats like the real us. probably really felt the same way.

there are many things i wanna escape from. so i not need to face the things i must face. i fought hard. fought with my heart. life is a paradox.

i really tried to believe you but my heart didnt allow me to. i just dont have enough courage to do so. and in fact im just so like you. the past you and the present me. lacking the confidence to conquer everything. just as i didnt want to bother so much. i bother so much again.

i do get tired after some time. it is a pattern.

a chore. a life with impacts. imprinted the behaviours. like causes, effects and impacts. life is a pattern. and with you, i never felt any different from everyday. after a while, life lost its meaning. i lost my reason. everything just fades away. autumn just remains. tasted bitterness every now and then.

I'll hide it away so no one ever knows
I'm dying, I'm trying to leave



like hot afternoons.
like how i bother and pretend.

like long nights.
like how the darkest emotional feelings are being let out.