My family

[My family]

Super early morning? was meeting joanne for a swim later on.
hahha this girl super nice. agreed to come all the way to kallang basin.
yepp sorry my snow black! later treat you drink! okayy!

was looking very forward to jumping into the deep blue water.
my way of stress relieving.
often, i wanted to go swim alone but
somehow didnt have the motivation to go.

I really really love swimming.
back to the days.

when you swim, the world is silent.
you cant look back. can only look forward.
the deep blue water.
really really very soothing.
and sometimes there is bubbles.
its a place where there is totally peace.
and the sound of water.
where you can really keep yourself quiet
and reflect on every single shit.

swimming used to be a very good way of taking all your troubles away.
sometimes when you teared, no one can see it.
you can teared in the open.
and the water mixing your tears.
and it will stop.
the emo feeling will go away.

I am feeling quite frustrated. quite irritated.
at all the things that is happening.
what happened to my family?
why are we drifting further and further apart.

we planned so much after promos and everything was getting on fine.
and why now.. it had become this way.
internal conflicts and now it had been solved.
it become a way of ignoring each other.
talk less. see less and care less.

sighs.. it really saddens me a lot..
everyone telling me don think about it..
but i cant help cant help to think about it..
why has our bond become weaker?
so weak that everyone was getting sick and tired.

We cannot do this right.
this wont do.

thought we are the biggest family in YJ
and the most united ones?

It had become sour.
and now turned out this way.

don let us separate, rfcians.

Maybe thats part and parcel of life.

Everything will turn bland. tasteless.



about him, i think im better nowadays.
i've been not trying to think so much.
but once i accidentally led myself into the thought.
i still have the very urge to be with him.
i really really want to be with him.
but i've try not to think so much.
wouldnt care.

that day, he did called me eventually.
it was dont know how long how long how long i've been waiting.
jus waiting for that call.
I remember waiting for your call.

and then my world paused.
the world froze that moment.
I was gging complete crazy. nuts.
I didnt know I dont know.
I walked and walked.
and then once i sat down.
damn.

i've been crying like somekind of shit.
crying and couldnt stop.
My tears jus flowed down.
and i feel freaking sad.
my heart hurts so much.

i wanted to run away so much.
but i forced myself not to.
that would be crazy. everyone would be worried.
i jus sat down and cry and cry.

in the end, i forced myself to stop.
wont want to let anyone worried.

i don wan to think of it anymore.
it really hurts quite bad.

right now, i only want the rain to fall.
let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.

he isnt there anymore.
he wont be there anymore.

you can be busy as you want.
I wont care anymore.
you dont have to call me.

you wont get me back anymore.

I tried to hold you back.
you said you want us back.
and you had not even show me what you do to get us back.
and you expect me to go back to you?
you jus SAID.
and do you think im that stupid to okay okay lets be normal.

girls are fragile.
they might appear to be very strong.
but in actual fact, they need guys to care.
to show them that they care.
and you don understand how girls feel.
and especially.. you don understand me.

I wanted you to be there so much.
but this freaking period.
you cared for yourself more than me.
I know you are busy with your family
but is it too busy to even manage your time with me?
dont tell me you are busy every second.
even for five minutes, you can take your time to talk to me.
as if i wont listen.
jus admit it. you dont hav the heart to do so.
and you are hurt so you can go into hiding.
to slowly recover your sadness.
what about mine?
i called i msged. nobody cared.
do you think im having a good life?
to say it all out.
you are jus being selfish.
you are selfish.
i believed i can sacrifice much more even im busy.
im all torn. all torn cos of you.
i cried like fuck every night.
i cant live thru each night.
and now don claim you want me back.
you can have me back.
we're through.

i wanted to start afresh with you but
i realised all the stuffs..
you didnt keep to your promises.

im tired already.
jus leave me alone.
leave me to heal myself.
will you.
don come to disturb me anymore.
i dont want to cry ever again.
it made me stupid.

i already know the taste of tears.
i dont want to taste it again.

-backtothegardenfestivallostandempty.