Shattered.
People say i should not believe anyone 100%. they said i should only trust them 90%. i was angered simply i couldnt understand. why should i do that? i dont like the feeling of knowing someone and only giving he or her my 90% of trust. in another words, i would try to think how can they harm me. the relationship is not true at all. i was angry. i don understand. i want to keep things simple and true. but i jus realised the stupid one had been me. you know sometimes some words are sacred to me. i love simplicity. i never like to complicate matters. i was someone who likes to keep my theory strong. i believe in any relationship one must be 100% true. if not, things would not work out at all. trust to me is very important. trust is hard to build, easy to break. its time. its time to let me know this phrase is damn true.
its hard for me to start believing anyone else more right now. the one you trust most other than your family can often be the one who breaks your trust most and breaks your heart. totally. i'm shattered. i lost myself you know. i dont feel true to people anymore. onlookers should shut up. dont talk when you dont understand. and no one is going be part of my life anyway. so why should i care about you. the only few people i can turn to shows me more. that i have to be strong. they are there. i know. whenever i need them. even though school might suck like fuck these days, i will survive. no one can torment me. they will be there mentally. its time for me to learn. maybe i will be strong enough so i'll never need anyone else.
its your chance and my chance too. i can finally be free. even though for a period of time or forever, its good to try. things that i've never done before. nothing will hold me back anymore. and then we'll see. see if theres a need to. I dont want to get hurt again. I dont want to breakdown anymore. I dont want to feel lost. I dont want to feel afraid. I dont want feel angry. I dont want to feel fucking upset anymore. I dont want to feel i've lost an impt part of my life. I dont want to feel disappeared. I dont want to feel i've died. I dont want to feel numb. I dont want. I never want to experience these feelings anymore anymore. I dont want because of an incident, i should lose trust to people around me. I dont want to trust people anymore. I dont want to not trust people anymore. I dont want to runaway but i cannot take it.
its hard for me to start believing anyone else more right now. the one you trust most other than your family can often be the one who breaks your trust most and breaks your heart. totally. i'm shattered. i lost myself you know. i dont feel true to people anymore. onlookers should shut up. dont talk when you dont understand. and no one is going be part of my life anyway. so why should i care about you. the only few people i can turn to shows me more. that i have to be strong. they are there. i know. whenever i need them. even though school might suck like fuck these days, i will survive. no one can torment me. they will be there mentally. its time for me to learn. maybe i will be strong enough so i'll never need anyone else.
its your chance and my chance too. i can finally be free. even though for a period of time or forever, its good to try. things that i've never done before. nothing will hold me back anymore. and then we'll see. see if theres a need to. I dont want to get hurt again. I dont want to breakdown anymore. I dont want to feel lost. I dont want to feel afraid. I dont want feel angry. I dont want to feel fucking upset anymore. I dont want to feel i've lost an impt part of my life. I dont want to feel disappeared. I dont want to feel i've died. I dont want to feel numb. I dont want. I never want to experience these feelings anymore anymore. I dont want because of an incident, i should lose trust to people around me. I dont want to trust people anymore. I dont want to not trust people anymore. I dont want to runaway but i cannot take it.
posted by gardenfestival at 1:15 PM
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