I suddenly had this funny thought. maybe life is really a cycle. just when we progress to the new technological age, we keep ourselves in the retro age. and maybe one day we all dressed in retro clothes. and maybe retro songs got into fashion. then we keep up to the fashion and then the young generation will find us old-fashioned (like how we find our parents/grandparents are) and they are always in style. and then maybe retro might be in the fashion again and the whole process starts once over again. maybe everything just sweeps us off-

what are we. i really cant tell.

i struggled with school this week. i cant believe its weekends again. when i almost felt tears coming, i shoved it off with a laugh. it wasnt till that extent but i felt like a joke myself. i looked at myself. i see a pathetic figure. negative negative negative. there is nothing i can cope well with. not one. no matter how hard i try to. i still cant. it got so bad till i paste a post-it on my table everyday saying stay positive. this is how bad it gets. it gets so bad that i wake up every morning in total darkness. sometimes life gets better. sometimes it just get worse. creating a strong impact. it gets so bad that i dont feel like waking up at all. it gets so bad that i feel dead. i cant explain myself at all. i felt helpless and useless. negative negative negative. extremely negative. i fell it real hard this time. i cant hear anything. my ears are blocked. my mind is completely blank. i dont need anything right now. if i can have three wishes now, i'll wish for more sleep and nice sweet dreams that take me wherever i can. and the last is i'll never wake up. please make this right. when darkness turns into light, it ends but never will be tonight. it will be i dont know when. dont lose your chance dont wait for time to go. its too late to find.

darkness is always there. it is hovering everywhere people go. its always there. and it is especially ominous during literature lessons. heart of darkness; it got so associated with life. pray for tomorrow. it better not be corrupted. even though people are always corrupted, they bring out the darkness in them. despair learnt it today. it is endless. how true. let it end...

irony.


maybe its really right that im easilly troubled. a piece of tragedy. i am.