where had i been. troubled and feeling lost. for an instance, i felt like a total retard. i dont know what am i thinking about and doing. why do i feel so troubled for no reason. why cant people just live their life simpler. why be like me and make life so complicating. i surrender myself. to the bottomless pit of sorrow. covered with dead leaves. dying and decaying.

i need some of those times to relieve the lost feeling i feel everyday.

please make peace. this world should be left alone quietly. everyone everything is peaceful and harmonious. so should kings and clowns. please make peace my king. even if the world turns upside down, nothing would happen. dont let me die away. dont make me feel we are far apart. and at any moment, i would lose peace. and dont make me feel that i was never meant for you. inferiority always stick with me. please tell me that we belong together, we came from the same planet. please allow us to communicate. and heavens, please stop me to discover more about humans. and please stop you to discover more about me. for i still want my eternity.

first day of new year - compulsive gamblers went my house at 11pm to gamble. i was happy that night because it was my dream. and my dream was allowed, and people fufilled my dream. we gambled into the night and went for breakfast at 530. once i reach home at 7, i never saw light again till i saw someone. like in a fairytale. but the emotions spoil it all. maybe i really irritate. maybe you can never understand.

second day of new year- went cathay and caught protege with a few. not bad but i just find it rather disturbing. because it is a really sorrowful and tragic movie.

everything repeats. like a cycle.
and we're just the ones trapped in it.

technical problems make this entry late.