Life goes on..

[[ 26.1.2004. Another stupid day ]]

And my worst nightmare comes..

Mum didnt put the money on table..I know it.. which is i am worrying about..

I was afraid it would come true.. and it did..

I didnt wanna spoil the mood in everyone.. and it was so dissappointing.. guess i did somehow affected..

Dont tell me its okies guys.. Jus sorry......

And my mood was gone.. the whole morning.. I sit down and have my breakfast.. I was gonna be late.. I didnt care.. Normally i couldnt have time to sit down dere and eat.. I would be packing my breakfast and eating on the way to the bus stop etc. but this morning.. Nothing bugs me..

I tear the bread with my mouth and hands.. and i ate everything calmly slowly.. Why am i having such big reaction.. because it is sth i yearns for.. I really wanna go and everything is settled with them.. yet it happens..

It really gets everything on ur nerve when you are down.. It turns out to be alrite.. look things differently i guess..

And i was late.. bloody hell.. i was the few standing in the basketball.. shucks man.. Should i know i should come later when the assemby is over to avoid embarrassment but again.. so what..? Late late lors.

And it was the second/third day i carnt rmb tt well.. that we stayed at the piano table. my god. the whole day and my ears are going crazy. and I didnt like it dere. I carnt play piano. My hands are so funny. stupid and i hadnt had the chance to play. Everyone crowding dere. sighs~

I skipped lessons totally. I didnt go for any. and what i goes to school for?

To get my ears crazy. To skip lectures. To fool around. To play cards. To laugh. To show my mum and dad : HEY IM GOING TO SCHOOL.. To let myself feel tired.. To tolerate some crappings about me. To mix with people i don like. To hang around with FAKES.

and thats why i goes to school for..

The feeling was different. It didnt really attract me to be punctual. to be in class laughing with dem. It was very different from my fellow class and school.

And if you realised. I never be late for school in bss before. It was fun to be in school be in 4e3. They never said things that hurt people. They are nice. They are not fakes. Their jokes were always not hurting and they would apologised once overboard.

I miss the borrowing of maths worksheets from farsana,the talks behind meiping tt she super kan chiong, or the meishenm talking so loud shouting from one end of the class to the another, or phuay hiang talkin bout guys in lit lesson, and the stupid chia ping laughing and jee siao miss lim/miss ngoh with maths, and meenatchi who keep ku ji me stupid girl, and our chairman lixin who always laugh in maths irp, and my worse and crazy partner carmen ong whole day keep crapping and laughing every minute and studyin together, and the mentos-provider - meryl who lives in mars like wad victor whole day say, and the shiqin who also talk so loud and always gossiping during assembly behind me, and zhang ying sho super clever, amanda with her cool attitude with tcher and the hardwork of our treasurer, Did i miss out any? gera.. haiyah need not to say.. understooded. rites gera? erm.. probably my laughing gang and our APA(Anti-prefects association)!! and whole day in lit talk crap with me.. or the sec 3 days bring food go audi secretly eat.. And and and.. the list goes on and on..

Hakim helping me with RV questions.. Hassan teach me physics and also talk crap with me when we sit together.. Siying with his "kuai lan" attitude and his singing of jay songs and his 369!! hahaaha.. Ronald our ah pek with his big big big and sensible theories.. and shiao loong.. whole day ps us for his gf.. ahahaha. and adhi forever so lazy and calling ppl do things for him and had an attitude man.. blehs.. and most of all...Vic~ victor.. our handsome.. his super cold jokes and sometimes funny ones.. he did cheer our class up most of the time.. hees.. and his alien crap story with meryl.. lols....and the many many many more..

I also din know how much im attached to this class. yesterday called dem.. glad they are still the same old irritating peeps. haha. I asked dem to meet up and they all agree and tries to make it.. !!!!

And my mum keeps grumbling.. In the past it probably affects me.. but rites now.. nothing bahs.. Realise she had a precious son.. and im the black sheep of my family.. i never really succeed in doing sth properly and im always messin up things..

[[ 27.1.2004 wads different?]]

I skipped lectures a whole day again. I only went for GP and which is watching the day after tommorrow. Played basketball in the morning.. gRrrr.. I carnt get the ball.. sickening..lols.. but its fun.. I fouled a lot though but i don care and so they don care. cosh they dumb. lols.. wonder wad will eric say if he reads this? stupid eric.. either you and wai kit hit my eye.. any of you.. hahahaa.. I have a swollen eye~ Was thinkin back the days playing basketball with victor they all.. carnt even touch the ball..

And we went to basement library play cards.. and Im the queen of gamblers.. muahahaa..

I'm turning back to the childish days i guess. Rewind rewind and we're back.

Playing childish games today.. so super childish games but its alrite. And eric was afraid of other people seeing but why bother.. Care how ppl look at you for wad..? :p kiddin~ somehow Im glad everyone mixing ard.. but some still don mingle with us.. Its nice to gather as a class.. We dont have much more time as a class together anyway so live life to the fullest..

the day after tomorrow was quite nice and i din see it before so it was quite enjoyable. We went home. had some strong feelings but unable to blog down.. privacy man.. I feel stuck at times.. I was feeling unhappy.. but i have to hold it back..

And I walk a different way. Carnt help and couldnt control.

I'm hestitating again..