[[ michael phelps ]]

Michael phelps.. go mike! I wanna be like ya.. strong!

Its been a reaally long time since i blog.. i was feeling ok all the while.. and today sth wasnt right and the first i thought of was blogging.. I blog all my unhappiness down here.. so dont keep thinking i am forever sad..

Michael phelps had been my idol since dunoe when.. he is a great swimmer and he is only 19 and he had achieved 4 gold medals and 2 bronze for olympics.. i used to dream of becoming a singapore swimmer so i can meet mike in olympics.. somehow he really motivate me at times..

ok was quite pissed with my class right now so i put this nick in my msn " 127 pls hand in ur bloody file and ur photo for obs if you haven. "

and den suddenly everyone seemed concerned and things changed!

My class began to work on everything very fast.. and many of dem came and talk to me.. am grateful to all of you out dere!!

I wanted to rattle about one whole shit about my class.. practically i am a bao ka liao class rep.. forget it..

oh yes hedi called me and we are damn on.. so we went down to play badminton at the badminton court.. and den i don remember me being so agitated.. all i did was laughing all the way.. i am destressed! not really stressed in the first place but jus disturbed about the people i must chase like shit for jus one piece of paper or wadever..

Ok i guess i got my retribution for not handing up my 2 lit essays, 1 econs essay, tutorials 0-5 and blah blah..

but i started to do my tutorial 6 and 7 already.. aint i supposed to be proud of myself? and i aimed to clear all my homework at present and let the debts be cleared after the hols.. and i realised i couldnt finish my lit essays bcos i had not read the book! so i jus hold it aside and it is debts now..

and the tons and tons and tons of homework is really stressing me.. and i realised the aim of today's work today do (translated) is impossible.. too many hw at once.. im collapsing.. yet im still up with my smile.. trying to be strong you see.. im not weak too.. im jus trying my very best to do homework now..

oh yes somthing unpleasant happened to my brother so he gets into kinda bad and irritated mood.. and today he forgot bout his keys and no one was at home and i don feel like going home.. so i jus msged over.. hey i will be at boon keng mac.. if u need the house keys come and find me.. and he replied me wtf kay. and wad is this? hey you forgot ur keys and im jus on ur way home to get the keys to go home and you give me this kind of shit attitude? what is this man? i know he is pretty down.. but aint i? I was feeling really low at tt period of time.. but i controlled.. wanted to msg back and scold back but thats so childish of me.. and waste sms and besides whats the whole point?

and probably this is my first time using my big brains to think before i act.. hahha!

oh yes i was feeling so much better after that hour playing badminton with hedi.. hahha it was kinda fun and we couldnt stop laughing.. and she was behaving like a bimbo! ooh.. hahha and im out from mental hospital.. hahha.. oh yes thx hedi.. though u didnt know wad happen to me but u jus cheered me up.. thx pal.. thx 96..

and wheni returned home.. miracles man.. things got into order.. my class peeps got very concerned.. not exactly with me but with their work.. probably my nick.. *winks! but i wasnt on purpose out to complain.. im jus trying to remind and it jus so happen that the bloody is a descriptive word for files.. and i happen to use it..

so im so much better now.. oh yes its rather scary to reach home seeing 8 msn conversations calling me..

It is rather different.. between the sms you recieved or the msn conversations popping up or even taggers at my blog... and the reality..

sometimes after school.. I jus stared blankly into the space.. no one.. and i realised how lonely i am.. its good to be alone.. and especially when doing ur work.. but i carnt help to think.. today after school i didnt really went to do my work.. instead i linger around hoping i can play floorball but its seletar house so i didnt dare to ask to play.. besides i didnt know anyone except melissa dere.. and all the seletar-cians.. so i stared again..

i feel rather awkward somehow and so i went to the canteen.. bought a cup of ribena and settle down in the canteen.. the canteen was closed.. no one was dere completely.. occasionally.. basketballers, soccer players etc will come to refill their waterbottles.. I thought of studying but den i didnt.. i realised sometimes u need some moments to reflect and think.. and this is my reflection.. i realised how desolate i felt..

sipping into that ribena.. i wasnt tt thirsty after all.. and den i ponder over many things.. think camly.. There were emptiness in my eyes.. dont know where i belong.. where i am.. who i am.. suddenly everything turns out blank.. until melissa and weijun came to join and left the college together..

Yes i felt empty.

And no matter how many taggers telling me i shouldnt feel it this way and tt way and the many people who would tell me.. im always here if you need me..

yet whenever whenever.. i felt like this way.. alone.. empty.. i don need anyone.. and its hard to tell people.. hey im feeling down today.. and even i did.. some didnt bother to listen.. so i rather don need anyone.. so save ur tags.. taggers..

Somehow i like this kind of emptiness..

It doesnt matter anymore..

And coming here to blog whenever unhappy isnt really a great idea.. I heard voices screaming and shouting in my head yet i cannot do anything.. and this would be when this gets really addictive..

and my house, canberra.. how responsible they can get.. for asking me to be a floorball representatives and den leave me with no contacts and me having to urge that person.. and asking her to call back.. and she didnt.. in case people gets irritated.. i decided not to bother or take any action.. so lucks for floorball on saturday interhouse.. canberra :) and when other houses met and have some mini little trainings.. whois in floorball whois not.. i have absolutely no idea.. and let me tell you how responsible are they.. about how they told us to come for training for 2 times and i had never seen a person in charge being there before.. and the second time they promised and confirm that they are dere and i was the only one who turned up.. how organised and reponsible.. i didnt want to care so much but i thought i need to be responsible.. but since the people are showing me the heck care attitude.. oh well i can follow suit.. yet some can see how hard they tried to orgainise things.. continue peeps.. oh yes canberra i don feel like coming on saturday already.. all thx to you.. best house man ever! and lucks for that championship.

I'm complaining.