[[ troubles troubles and more troubles.. ]]

[[ troubles troubles and more troubles.. ]]

Hav simply too much to blog.. shall begin on friday when i got damn excited when i recieved the OBS form.. How much i look forward to camps and funs.. especially adventure!!

went home and ask my parents so excitedly.. and my dad dont allow.. so my mum dont allow.. so i cant go for the medical check up and the form had to be submitted on monday..

I couldnt take it anymore longer.. to some others out dere.. the way i present myself about parents.. I guess I looked like a spoilt brat..

I wanted to tell them but let me tell you.. I never ask for more since young.. they say no.. either i do it my way or i dont do it.. I do whatever they please.. and now i really want to go for this OBS camp.. and thru 16+ years.. I dont know how to even tell dem or speak.. the moment they say no.. I jus walked out of their room.. I didnt protest or argue.. I didnt say anything at all..

I have never talked back to my parents or argue or even shout.. or scream.. I always wanted to.. I had too much things to scream at them but i screamed only oblivious to my ears in my heart.. I am so furious so angry down dere and yet i didnt say anything about it..

To me i believe i should explode someday instead of doing what my parents want me to do.. I should raise my own voice so they know how i feel like.. this is not disrespect.. but adults are unreasonable.. I cannot just simply keep quiet and take everything by myself..

Yet once and once and once.. I never try to shout or scream to them.. and they never know how exactly i feel..

I vent all the anger on myself.. I do whatever I can.. I hav been like that for the past 16 years.. whether you believe it or not.. and they never knew..

Can you imagine how much i thought about it? how much i wanted to scream at them.. I know what i am going to say but i never once said..

Its not the OBS camp thing.. Its the so many stuff that happened in my life.. Previously.. I jus have the thought that maybe i am still young.. so they hav their reasons.. And right now i am going to be 17.. and I still cannot go for camps? what is this?

They said no chalet. And I kept quiet. They said no overnights. And I kept quiet. They said no dying of hair. And I kept quiet. They said no work. And I kept quiet.

And I kept quiet all the while.

Their excuse if forever the same. I scared you will turn bad.

Going to work is only what i did because I dont want to ask them for money. I want to earn something from my own so that i can buy my own stuff. I wanted to buy a new bag and my bag is already spoilt. It is a neccessity but i just don like the idea of getting money from them.. And to get what i really want..

My friends differ from me.

They pierce their whatever without telling dem. They tattoo without telling dem. They dye their hair without telling dem. And after that done so.. they tell their parents..

My dearest family.. do you expect me to be like them? I do so because I respect you guys and can you guys respect me in a way?

Sometimes I really need freedom instead of materialistic needs.. you are too over protective which make me feel so tired.. I had been your fillial daughter for the past 16 years and i really want you guys to know how exactly i felt.. And today I apologized for what I done but you guys are too far.. I have no choice too.. Do you get me?

I am bloody useless.. I am blogging all here and I still didnt tell them..

I didnt meant to be irresponsible but can you all trust me? If not.. you still ask me for wad?

" Hey dad.. look at me.. think back and talk to me.. did i grow up according to plan? And do you think im wasting my time doing the things i wanna do.. but it hurts when you disapprove all along.. "

I wanted to tell you guys so much but you guys probably think i am finding excuses.. bcos you always think i am like that..

I am sorry dad.. I think i hurt you.. though as a man.. you dont show it out.. but this is the first time i ever showed you my attitude.. I am just so sorry.. I know you love me the most and yet i did this to you.. but i jus wanna tell you.. you are controlling too much of my life..

And I cant bring myself to tell you because I am darn damn bloody useless.. I carnt face you.. My tears would come out.. I cry easilly. especially on this.. Or you can call me cry baby..

I wanted to say sorry but i didnt realise how its so hard to say sorry now.

Bcos of the OBS thing.. I dont wanna face my dad and on saturday dere is briefing about W.A.R which i completely forgot.. till amy reminded us.. And the OBS thing really make me down and its so hard to explain what am i going for.. so anyway i thought the W.A.R was on next week so i can explain next week.. aniwaes the briefing wont take long.. and it was today and hell.. partly.. I dont feel like going home.. so after the briefing.. Amy, Jiewei, Gera and Me headed to town.. took neos.. and caught are we there yet.. quite a hillarious movie.. and the show ended about 11pm.. but its raining to heavilly outside so we waited for the rain to stop.. and i reached home around 12+ which is way too late.. and everyone is sleeping..

And W.A.R is held in Pasir ris and Pulau Ubin so i have to get up early besides we have to report at 645 in pasir ris.. Its a sunday and i dont wish to disturb your sleep..s o i went out of the house early.. Its true i hadnt had a chance to tell you guys exactly what am i doing and going.. Bcos jiewei was late.. we waited for him at the bus stop and my parents start to call.. yes it somehow agitate them bcos they didnt see me for the whole entire day and early in the morning i am gone..

So i told them what i did.. and my dad told me to come back home NOW.. and then he passed the phone to my mum and i jus screamed over.. My mum being more understanding only told me to come early and den my dad asked me about my whereabouts later on and so i told him at pasir ris cc and he said so you will be dere from around 8 to 5 plus lar.. and i said yes.. and then he said i will come down to see if you dere later on in a kinda bad tone and i said as you like.. even this i felt darn bad.. bcos i never been like that before EVER.. and den my mum said dad say i had changed bad.. and i felt darn ridiculous.. what exactly the FUCK you want from me?

I dont wanna repeat myself for the thousand million zillion times that i did not turn bad! and I wont! I wont be stupid enough. I had my own brain and mindset. If I will turn bad.. why would i be stupid enough or what the nonsense to enter YJ and be stress everyday? I have my own ambition. Do you get me a not dad?

Its like only 6 in the morning and it had gone terribly wrong that i cried again.. oh hell.. Im weak.. they are just so unreasonable.. can i have my own thoughts?

And den they ringed up several times to check if i am coming back home anot and to go out for dinner.. got frustrated.. went home and i bet tonight when we go for dinner.. In the house, on the car, at the hawker, on the car back again.. I said less than 20 sentences and most of the time.. my reply was a 1-3 word reply.

Before I reached home.. from Pasir Ris I was thinking over and over again.. how would they react.. etc.. I would tell them tons of stuff... how they are too over protective.. and they didnt even ask.. and i dont feel like talking so its silence throughout..

I have a weakness and that is if you come by soft methods.. I probably give in or be nice.. Chi ruan bu chi ying.. And the way i talk with my mum.. I try to be nice bcos she try to concern about me.. and for guys.. i guess its really darn hard to be nice..

Tonight I didnt even looked at my dad.. probably i look at my mum when we talked for 5 times? and my brother 3 times?

I was running thru different things in mind.. They didnt ask me so i didnt say..

Enough of my weakness.. lets talk about W.A.R.. which is adventurous, fun, cool and simply everything..

[[ Wilderness Adventure Race ]]

How should i start? It includes running, kayaking, rock climbing, swimming, cycling etc.. All the participants are damn fit with thick muscles and so on..

Me, Amy, Gera, Jiewei and Yongnan volunteered to help out in this event.. and some others larh but didnt really get to see them.. oh yes and bendemeer also helped out quite a lot..

though today is really a humid day and i got sunburnt.. I must say i did enjoy myself every minute and it is really cool.. however gera did not enjoy it at all.. hahha.. quite nice mahs..

Me and gera was too lucky and we got to station ourselves at checkpoint 3 which is in pulau ubin.. we are doing volunteer work as well as blood donation to the mosquitoes..

Jiewei, Amy and Yongnan can stay in mainland.. hahha.. and gera was complaining about going to pulau ubin.. but i quite like it.. our duties are marshalls who are supposed to guide them, sign their passport etc..

We were supposed to gather at ellias cc to start the race.. and we went to our positions.. take the so called safety boat which aloysius mentioned.. It was just a boat or a run-down piece of wood? And because its low tide.. there is a distance between the sea and the boat.. so we did mud spa to get up the boat.. meanwhile i cut my leg in that murky dirty muddy water which only make me sink further while walking and walking in it..

All the while i keep saying its fun and cool.. The dirty muddy etc water is the most yucky part.. Our shoes were all perfect.. stones, mud, etc whatever you think of.. will be in dere.. It is really disgusting.. that cannot imagine! My shoes remain wet for the whole entire day and i threw away my nike white socks which has turned into brown colour..

Aloysius is our in charge and he is very friendly and nice.. He is quite shuai but too bad.. out of range.. hahha.. *grins~There is 2 other NTU girls together with us as our checkpoint 3 is one of the most manpower area.. They are Lc and evonne.. they are also darn friendly and lend us lots of stuff.. likeinsect spray, food, water etc.. i cant believe it.. me and gera didnt bring a single thing? we dont evn have waterbottles with us..

And i carnt remember how many cans of red bull i drank.. Red bull is one of the sponseror so free drinks! Salomon is also a big sponsorer and i realised their shoes and bags are kinda not bad so i want to get one for their bag asap.. =P I do hope we have priviledges for their stuff.. winks*

In pulau ubin dere is resort with one swimming pool with quite some kids in it.. and the kids keep asking are we dolphin trainers? hahha i also wished i am.

And checkpoint 3 is the archery station.. you need to try to get a best shot etc.. The race isnt easy at all.. I bet i would have give up at checkpoint 3 and how in the hell can they finish all!.. They have to run for quite some distance.. And then kayak all the way from mainland to pulau ubin! I am supposed to usher them to the archery area.. and to tell them to get their kayak up on the land.. so me and gera keep on repeating " Bring your kayak up and bring everything along with you and proceed on to the archery area.. " Sometimes we also shout Jia you and craps..

One by one.. when they come out of the water.. their leg was damn muddy.. yuck! but its cool man.. It just reminds me of without a paddle.. Its a really damn nice movie but I couldnt find the Vcds.. I almost wanted to kayak over to pulau ubin some other day.. havin that thought in my mind.. seriously i don mind living in rural area.. I dont have to study and stress myself everyday.. What a carefree life.. The only thing is that its hard to find husband.. hahha!

And the competitors came rushing in.. all at the same time.. had a really hard time to manage.. I admire all of them.. having the courage to take part in this race which is really tedious.. I can die if im in it.. and most impt.. is to have that strength to carry on.. Some was even disqualified but they insist on trying the stations which is nothing but admirable and commendable..

Oh yes our lunchbox arrive late and we were all starving.. The tremendous heat plus lack of water.. is going to dehydrate us..

And after our checkpoint where we ensure everyone had reached.. we moved on to our next checkpoint where we set up the stuff.. Rock climbing! goodness! That is like damn high.. i cant even reach a quarter not to mention the top! strong strong strong.. The first 3 teams were following each other closely and they were all out of breath..

This race is rather disorganised but luckilly it turns out to be not too bad.. but is really disorganized.. everyone getting stress up.. Over the walkie talkie.. the sound never seems to stop and it is forever.. quick.. rushing.. horrible..

There is flying fox which is checkpoint 11 and stucked.. that is the highlights but didnt get a chance to view it..

Thats all about it.. Oh man its jus so cool.. I want to go on an adventure!

[[ disappointed ]]

Jus dissappointed in some people. I never fails to be dere when they need me and yet when i really need them.. where were they?

And I never recieve any consolations from her when everyone did.

Fakes!