[[ Yakults, yakults and yakults ]]

[[ Yakults, yakults and yakults ]]

I guess my mum is a little sad.. We need 2 packs of yakults for a week or less.. I cant stop drinking it.. It makes me really happier which i really dont know why.. My mother just refilled it on the fridge and seriously to be honest.. It is never out of supply.. Yes I had this perfect mother.. I dont know since when I am addicted to yakult.. since the day my mother brought yakult home and until then..

And I dont drink it outside.. Its rather ironic.. I like it but i dont drink it outside.. I dont know why but it somesort relieves me when i see them at my home fridge or rather I dont have that thought of drinking it outside.. It never occurs to me having that thought..

Well.. sometimes in life.. I dont know how to react.. How should i simply put it across?

People around me are fakes.. sometimes i am wondering am i one too?

Sadly to say.. I am a class rep.. and my class are like sort of having small minor internal unhappiness.. Yes i can see that someone is really not likeable and they completely ignored.. yes that someone sometimes might be over limit but i feel sort of bad.. I may be dont really like someone but i dont present out and most of all i dont want to hurt anyone.. And honestly i feel confused.. I feel bad..

Am I like a backstabber? I can understand 2 parties and their plight.. Gera.. I think you knew what i meant.. Its really make me headache.. I dont know what to do? What am i supposed to do?

I chase after people everyday to hand in this to hand in that.. to sign this to sign that.. and they dont hand in to me.. I can understand both the teacher and the student.. My teacher tell me.. you have to do something! you cannot chase after them all the while! you need to be firm and strict with them! shiping you are just too nice to them..

And then I cannot tell them hey hey hey CAN YOU HURRY AND HAND IT UP? I have to build up my friendship with them as well.. I dont want to abuse power or make it i am so unreasonable.. How can I do it perfectly? I never try to be fierce.. I remind them and their answer is tomorrow can? and tomorrow can and tomorrow can?

How can i please them? And thats what my job is. To take down orders and do everything nicely for them without being paid and it always make me feel bad.. so and so didnt attend tutorial.. I call so and so because i am the bloody class rep and so and so got punished.. and naturally everyone is telling me you dont have to feel bad bcos its not your fault but you guys understand my situation? I feel bad..

What? Who? Where? When? Whom? How?

Thats my common phrase recently.. Anyway may seems to be cranky in school.. I appear differently in front of different people.. Thats what I can say about me..

Was having floorball today.. Mdm sheila not dere today.. It was better.. Never played so happilly before.. It was like J1 versus J2.. Somehow we won some goals.. Fell down twice.. hahha haven die yet =P..

And the rugby match today.. CJ versus YJ.. CJ won.. gosh.. Its really exciting.. the match started at 5 and floorball too.. lucky mdm sheila not dere so we went to watch for quite some time.. Looking at the people piling up.. Feel sorry for that poor fellow.. It was raining once again..

Why rugby forever associated with rain? The previous 2 matches is still the same.. and then in A cinderella story.. Chad michael and hillary duff.. I carnt have enough of it.. Thats the sweetest show I watched.. And the gas chamber used in germany during Nazis war.. People pilling on top of one another..

If its me.. I bet I would be happier.. certainly would have lost weight.. so many people squashing me up!..

And I went to macs with christine after my floorball.. And so much things to buy.. I want to get one floorball stick.. and my maths tys.. and a bagpack but i got no money.. After so much effort during that 1 week break.. I cant believe I have got no money at all.. I felt confused and cheated at the same time.. I dont want to ask my parents for money.. I know they are having a tough time.. I still carnt believe it.. Everytime I wanna do something about it.. I am helpess.. What to do..

Chatted with christine for quite some time.. and she really see me through.. I realised I am a low self esteem moron which is exactly true.. I am optimistic about happenings.. but i realise how weak i am when handling relationships.. I just feel that people around me dont like me.. Its like dumb.. but I just feel it that way.. I feel insecure.. And even friends I just think somehow they dont really like me..

And the changes I realise that I have made.. external factors..

I carnt stop comparing the rich kids and me.. They are damn bloody rich.. College kids are really rich.. I know I shouldnt look on that.. I told christine how I felt.. Didnt know why..

I know I dont have to care what people think of me.. Live for myself and not them.. I remembered clearly what my brother told me about I dont have to care.. His big theory is always in my mind.. but however not applying it..

I think i am really damn useless.. My maths teacher wanted to see my parents.. Either is because i didnt hand in the tutorials bcos i dont know how to do or I failed my maths test again and again.. I am really damn dissappointed in myself.. I am really useless.. Dont tell me I am not.. I felt this way all the time.. I carnt believe i couldnt do maths! And to think I got an A2 for both a maths and emaths.. And my chinese.. Once again.. everything had shown to me.. I sucks in everything.. I fail my chinese spelling.. do badly for everything.. and I got an A2 as well.. What is this man? My supposedly good subjects are hell and what am i gonna do?

Why am I so useless? I tried.. but I still couldnt..

I went home with rebecca.. happened to saw each other at northpoint.. It was really great as we can talk all things out.. the past conflicts.. friends around us.. everything..

Her journey.

Lifehouse - You and me.. At the beginning.. Lindsay Lohan - over.. Lee Hom - Ai cuo le.. Hillary Duff - Come clean..

She got down the bus and ran home.. Paused at intervals where the traffic lights are.. Continue to ran all the way.. She took out her whistle and keep blowing.. Thats the only way she can stop herself from screaming.. She wanted to scream so much but she never tried it loud.. People might think she is mad.. She dont care.. She continue to run.. running through the closed shops.. down the empty place.. through the market.. past the bus stops..

She didnt know she can run so fast without stopping.. she didnt knew that she was in pain until when she stopped.. She is hurt.. and no one can understand..

She felt different.. This kind of strange feeling.. Have you ever?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes?
Have you fin'ly found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care?

Have you ever?

She froze.. and stoned.. That run was furious.. It was like venting all her supposedly anger but dere isnt any.. She dont know why too..

It was the same feeling back then.. Running up 8 flights of stairs without stopping..

She didnt want to mention it again until she couldnt take it. Why was she feeling that way? Dont ask her. She dont know the answer herself..

This was a little different. This time she felt exasperating. She wanted to get it all out of her. She dont like to explain. Simply because she dont know how to explain. She dont need attention.

She just need some space alone. Just let her be.

She went through that familiar place.. open up another new dimensional.. new world.. and she saw a door.. went through it and everything was back to normal.. She calmed down and realised It was hell for her that few minutes.. She awake from her thoughts..

back to normal. She's gone.

Her journey ended.

Have you opened Window media player and looked at the visualisation? Look for cominatcha. To me.. Its peace.. And I actually did open it to full screen and watch it.. I never get bored.. I feel like extending my hands to this galaxy..

May think I am really insane.

Cominatcha. I really like it.

I guess I am too tired.

I haven been wearing my specs to sleep for the past 2 days and lights on in my room.. radio still on.. every morning my mother had to off the lights and everything for me.. And plus I would be holding a book in my sleep.

At this rate.. I might be sent to the hougang chalet soon..

Too tired. really tired. everyone is also tired.