[[ sick and tired of it.. come clean.. ]]

[[ sick and tired of it.. come clean.. ]]

hate to mention everytime..but gradually grew tired of it..

to put words simply. my happy family is broken. they quarrel almost everytime. my brother and i grew tired. the 2 supposed matured adults are behaving like juveniles.. and what the hell are they trying to show infront of us? The whole car ride is almost silent. the whole dinner is silent. around me, the families and familes eating so noisy so happily.. and when i look back to our table.. perhaps people also show some sympathy..

Why couldnt they behave more maturely as to stop arguing here and dere.. It stirs out different emotions from me.. I dont know what to do.. I feel vexed.. and when i turned and look at my brother.. I saw us in the similiar situation..

I dont know when the hell will this ever ever stopped.. maybe perhaps when they retired.. when the both of them no longer holds any stress.. perhaps i will sponser them tons of money and they can smile whole day!

I hate to mention it.. It really gives bad impression of my family.. I dont want to.. and looking at other people's happy family.. I am pretty envious.. Maybe each family has their own troubles.. I cannot judge like that.. "jia jia you ben nan nian zi jing".. how come mine has more quarrels more than laughter?

CARNT YOU PEOPLE EVER EVER STOP BEHAVING LIKE KIDS.. ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF ME?

carnt they ever spare a thought for us? carnt they stop complaining? carnt they control themselves? carnt they settle things more maturely? carnt they carnt they carnt they?

It is like how many times they want to quarrel? I know they are stressed.. why carnt they ever talk things peacefully.. It hurts me too.. I feel like counting how many times they quarrel.. uncountable.. They can join the debate team as well..

I was thinking.. was it really a mistake that i am born on earth.. was it really a mistake my dad and my mum.....

How many times my mother wants to cry? How many times my father dont want to go home? How many times?

Perhaps I would choose not to come to this world.. If there is no me.. I wouldnt even know whats like.. I dont know anyone had that feeling.. Its my only life.. Recarnation and after life and all those.. I dont know about it.. but i will die.. how would it be? I dont know.. Will I be a ghost? What is it? I dont know. This is my only life.. I will grow old and die.. I dont know.. I dont know anything.. I am afraid of my future..

Just now at the eating table while waiting for the dishes to arrive.. my brother start to ask me.. dont you think you are not at home these days? I dont see you often.. Mummy also dont see you whole day.. It really make me reflect.. how much i dont like to be at home.. I told him that it is meaningless.. It is pointless for me to be at home.. And my dad asked us whether we are quarreling..

Now you see why.. It is pointless. I dont see a point. I want to feel that warmth.. that family spirit.. but i dont experience that for maybe 16 years.. Maybe I should do some reflection..

That day when my chinese teacher almost wanted to call my parents.. I was really shocked.. Didnt know she would go until that extent.. I said they are not free.. She asked me whats their occupation? I told her.. and she agrees their job are really busy.. yes.. busy.. I only see them at night and normally they are doing their stuff and me too.. and not soon after.. they will be in bed.. so whats the point?

Perhaps you see another me here.. The forlorn me.. I am nearly hopeless..

[[Hilary Duff - Come Clean]]

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned
'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no lie
I defy

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every colour
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin'cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Then always staying in
Feel the wind

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming clean

Let's go back
Back to the beginning..

A really very nice song.. expressing all my thoughts..

To my dearest family..

"And going out is better
Then always staying in.."

I dont mean to.. I know my limits.. but i see no point..

"Let the rain fall down..and wake my dreams..Let it wash away my sanity..Cos I wanna feel the thunder..I wanna scream.."

A lil recap of what I did..

I bought a 8.95 chair from IKEA and carry it home.. One crazy thing i've done.. People giving me different looks.. I dont care.. I really need a chair.. Might think i am crazy.. perhaps really i am..

been to town on saturday with gera and carmen.. had really an enjoyable laughter day.. It still feels so natural so comfortable with the 2 idiots.. Its a pity I dont find these kinda people in here anymore.. saw paulin and co.. met up with the 3 considered to be MCP guys.. refusing to come down to town..must 3 girls go over.. Caught Divergence with them.. Qiwei wanted to play billiard and so we went.. and then got too bored so we went off.. gera and me walk thru bugis aimlessly.. and eventually went home..

Caught Coach Carter with hedi today.. not too bad.. quite nice.. worms is cute.. hahha.. Pretty motivating?

When you are happy.. I dont find any words to really express that joy.. If you realise happiness always be known to your closest friends.. and that sadness will be in blogs.. For me its like that.. and to report your daily life in blogs is a chore.. And considering that too many people looking at my blog isnt really a good thing.. bcos it is supposed to be a place.. a corner where i retreat myself to.. and people would probably figured out what my inner self are.. It is not really a good thing..

I dont know. let the rain fall down..