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what shall i say?

the 169 is really dusty.
my tears are really not spared.

I really cried like fuck.

with rfcians, nothing was needed to hide.

I laugh and I cried.
that was the most horrible part.
I really couldnt take it.

I don know how am i gging to face everything at 2pm.

i cant help it.
the more this bunch trying to joke around
the more my tears wouldnt stop

thinking back into the days..
it really hurts a lot..
everything was fine.. everyone was happy..

and why do we hav to face this kind of shit..

and i really lost control of myself..
i was the first to let my tears flow..

i am afraid.
everything.
future.
friends.
parents.
family.
rfc.

when everything come together..
it will form a huge snowball i guess..

and this snowball really hit me i guess..

hit me hard.
hit me till i cried.
cried like never before.

that kind of sadness.
nothing could be said.

my tears were eventually dried.

and everyone thought i took it quite well.

i got retained.
a E, two Os.
bcos of daily work and ca.
was thinking quite wasted.

but life's jus so unfair..

i didnt take it so well in front of rfc.
but i really can have no worries..
i can do whatever i want..
not afraid anymore..
not afraid to show my weakness..

teachers..
they really got quite different..
they thought i matured. i grew.
from what i told them. we had conversations.

and i guess maybe.
some things will make us grow up.

i listed all the options where i am heading to..
and im clueless..

stuck at crossroads as usual..
don know where..
don know how..

my future's blank..
its all darkness..
i see no light..
no light to guide me wherever..

and i didnt tear a single shed when i recieved my results..
i accept my fate i guess..
and i broke down eventually..
facing my dear friends that had been with me thru..
it really hurts me.. to see how heartbroken are they..
we had been comrades thru promos thru this entire year..

people around me do care.
i realised.
and my parents..

reached home a little unpleasant..
they start to scold a lil..
why dont i study harder that kind of shit..

in the end, i sat down next to my mum..
everything was calm.. gging to be fine..
i told her let me think.. let me really think where i wanna go..

i wanted to say sorry but i couldnt bring myself to..

i wanted to say a thank you but i still couldnt bring myself to..

and thanks rfcians, for waiting.. waiting for us to appeal..
my dear fellow comrades.. thanks a lot..
we've been thru together..
funs and laughters.
tears and sadness.
wanted to say THANKS.

it ends off. peacefully.

can we stick together and to peservere thru the last few moments?

you guys brought a smile to me.
but bcos of that smile.
it evolved into plenty of laughters.
and because of these laughters,
tears flow because of it.

i really only want to cherish my friends.
these bunch of people.
the only thing i don want to part right now.

yet i seems strong to others to be able to take all that shit.

but in front of rfc, they know me.

i don know how to explain right now.
im really confused.

but im taking it quite well.

Just give me time.

and i really wished some people can be there.
im not strong. never strong.
and all i need is you.

my world's really falling apart.

i feel so terrible so miserable now.

feel so lost.

i've been defeated. i had lost.
fucked.

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