Reality.

Currently at rebecca's house ZBL!!.. alright, today's the first day of school and im feeling somehow different.

i went in class and all the new faces i really feel so uncomfortable with..i still missed that bunch of people corking around..

i guess good times never last..

yeah and then im really looking forward to 9 where the talks start.. so that i can run away and meet the other rfc's retainees..and the feeling was damn different..its like what the hell am i doing here? i feel so uncomfortable and especially without kentoh and paulin's presence and a really hard chance to see jerry and all.. sat in the canteen without the usual crappings from our president and paulin..the canteen nt lively nt funny anymore.. they are like the main lead in rfc.. the soul in rfc.. guess everyone felt the same way as well.. really..school's real damn different.. when will i get used to it again?

we went out of school at ard 11 because we simply couldnt stand the sight of yj perhaps and really zbling... maybe without president and all, canteen seems so dead and the urge to get out of the school.. unlike the past, we can stay in yj canteen for hours and hours..

and probably J2s and J1s dont have the chance to meet that often.. we're like all going all different routes.. guess thats life.. and rebecca said we must accept the fact.. i guess so but thats gonna be real tough.. damn.. and i missed my class too.. that 127'05..and i hadnt seen amee in school as well.. wonder how is she.. and how shes gonna take it with no one close ard.. and zebelty as well.. really dont know what to say about them already.. we must face reality i guess.. reality.. such a heavy word.. sighs and we're only a bunch of 17,18,19s.. life's so.. supposed to be quite happy and quite looking forward because its first day of school but we are only bringing our empty souls, unhappy thoughts to school.. feel quite down actually but everyone is trying to make the unhappy thoughts go away with that reluctant smiles.. really.. i can see no one is actually happy deep down..

its so different so funny.. the feeling is really hard to express.. that kind of unspoken unsaid feelings.. not feeling good!! but these really shows the the other side of life.. the humane side.. the side where we really showed our feelings out.. we're true thats why it hurts now.. really damn damn damn..damn hurting.. the kind of hurt that is really unsaid unspoken.. nothing can be expressed easilly.. and really.. im not feeling good at all.. something's amiss.. everything's different.. everyone's the same..

and this morning saw hedi when walking to bus stop..hahha miss that girl.. dont know why some kind of different emotion is really stirring out of me.. and i still remember still remember.. i got retained.. which is why mum and dad got so tensed and so strict with me nowadays.. and especially when they found out ytd..probably my hell days are nearing.. what can i do at home? what can i do now?

i miss that amk. miss that stadium.

we're only lonely.

not feeling good. not feeling good. damn hurting. hell.

i really feel like tearing. damn.

i dont know why but it hurts so badly now. why should it be even this way?
what should i do?
nothing is able to heal that empty soul inside.

what am i thinking?

currently listening to simple plan's i'm just a kid.
really.. life's a nightmare.. i know that its not fair..
what have we done? should i even said we deserved it?
i really dont know why but i feel so childish.. complaining nothing's fair..
i know i know i know that life but i cannot accept it.. really..
aint we jus kids?

shut up shut up shut up

staring at everything. red-coloured.
thinking of everything. blue-coloured.

feeling so unfair. go to hell!!!!! life!!

i really dont wanna fall to pieces.
give me some motivation please.
to get up and to really get up.

and i remembered a cinderella story..
duff was telling chad michael..

"i got to go.."
"where?"

"reality."