Buzzzzzzz

I'm feeling great. though i'm real busy these days. but what i am doing might not be worth in the eyes of people but to me, i'm feeling a sense of accomplishment. i'm feeling great. being pushed all the way up to the seat of a captain really shocked me. it was never shiping. but if you realise from my life, i am progressing step by step. it wasnt really the captain part but what you do as the captain. i cant believe i spoke in front of the school. i was forced to face my disability. i could never speak well in front of large groups. but i had the opportunity to do so. although i was afraid and my hands were shaking but i was proud of myself. because i know i had overcome my fear. i might not speak as well as others but i've done it. theres really many things i am going to do.

sometimes i was given the chance by many. but i feel so condemned by my parents. they dont seem to give me any chance. immediately they sentence me to death. they didnt even spend thoughts about it and just deliver their sentence. they would only thinks on the negative side. no wonder my brother doesnt likes to explain himself, i finally understand. i was just asking about a malaysia trip and i was rejected immediately without giving me chance to speak. they simply dont understand. when i heard the no, i knew it. i cant be bothered to try and fight anymore. i cant even fight for my chance because i know it will not be possible. why cant they ever think on the other side. my dad begins to talk about me working. he always disallow me to work. it wasnt about the money at all. it was in the past when i finished my o's. but i began to discover some parts of work. i feel accomplished. i am learning. but i was only given the chance last year. i feel pampered. i should stay home and do nothing. thats what they like most. but why should i since i dont even get to see them as much. i have so much things to rant. i feel so unfair. i admit i kept going out last yr and i wasnt at home most of the time but it was different this yr. i only goes out during weekends and only weekdays when i had some reasons. and they dont have to keep reminding me that i kept going out. i already stopped. and i told them wherever i go. what should they keep on condemning me. whats wrong. what did i do. people's parents sent them for courses and seminars. they seem to understand more about the opportunities. when can i ever get them to know. when can i ever feel free.

right now, i cannot be bothered about that anymore. i am just sighing. i am just wondering when will i ever had the day. at least let me be off.

sometimes, i really hated the idea of being simple. you know, i start to put my simplicity theory away and away. i am getting away from being simple. i dont want to be simple anymore. i want to be someone useful and accomplished. no one knows what its like to. I have big dreams too! hah! and i am going to be a billionaire's sister soon! =d and lemme gather my thoughts for a while. i need to plan my future too. i am going to be successful.

but my dreams; they aren't as empty