it is downpour now. why do differences appear now. why do i keep pretending every now and then. i dont know how to leave the armour behind. but i can never walk well with it. it is too heavy and dragging me down. i dont know how. if i leave my armour down, will i keep floating till gravesend. walking out is already the first hard step to make. i will never make things right with this armour of mine. i cant handle this. i am breaking down. breaking into a million pieces. and i can never get things right, i can never fix this. i wish the world was silence. i wish for silence in the world. i wish i was blind for a moment. i wish i never open my eyes again for this moment. i wish i was dead. i wish i was lying on the hospital bed. at least i can take off my armour. at least i can float. float away from human relations. float away from earth. and never set foot on earth ever again. because it is so complicating here. because thoughts never die. because there can never be peace on earth. there is a huge disaster outside. everyone is running in the streets. there is no peace. in the end people become so unhappy about everything. and they find trouble everywhere. and a group of them are left there so fearful. and tearful. only silence except for this song that is running thru my head. there is noise. no more heaven. people can float not because they have wings. because they are only left with their soul. a mistake that cause the world set into darkness. a mistake that shook the earth up. a mistake that is unaccounted for. a mistake she set into misery. i couldnt write if i see the saddest song. the phrase of pretence. somebody took the key away. they couldnt find the key to everything. so they spoilt it. they destroyed the door. when at the first place, it was the door they needed. how i wish i can have wings. it works better than having a car. at least i will be able to reach a paradise with wings. she doesnt understand. i scream at her many many times. why is she so foolish and make stupid mistakes. i shout at her. but she doesnt seem to heard what i've said. the night is cold. i controlled her but she still couldnt react to me. all she see is darkness. she merely want to find a place where she is treasured. i wouldnt allow her because i couldnt find that place. i could never. but she does not give up. she want to feel importance. but the current place doesnt allow her to feel that way. but rest assured. i wil never let her find that place. because i can never find it. the world can never exist with me and her alone. because i will be depressed. easilly. and often. because she cannot occur when im around. because tonight's downpour. im drenched. totally.




为甚么不说心里话