[[ Confused ]]

[[ Confused ]]

I dont know where I am going.. I dont have much choices.. And I couldnt decide.. I simply couldnt make up my mind.. There is really lots of pros and cons..

And I know I am breaking down soon.. Cant take it anymore longer..

I didnt know why but i become more indecisive.. I want to consider poly route too but simply I was at lost when looking thru the courses.. Too many to choose from and i didnt know whats different from the another.. And one wrong move gonna affect my whole life..

I must be choosing it carefully..

I didnt know should I remain in YJ or should I try out other Jcs? What would I do? Where should i go?

I was in a midst of confusion..and..

[[ The phonecall ]]

Hedi called me. She was upset and she need someone to console. I tried to.. but she is really emotionally down.. I really dont know what to help her..

I thought I was clear of what I want to do and where i want to go.. but it turns out to be different..

I am lost. Stuck down there.

Her emotions got me. I didnt know what to say but that long phonecall..

We were stressed. Lost and helpless. She was. I am. We both were. We were almost arguing and shouting over the phone line.. crying at the same time.. She is really down.. And my tears went down as well..

Sorry hedi.. I couldnt really help you much.. I am helpless myself too.. And dont put that to heart.. I had my own thinkings.. Yours too.. go for your dreams.. Do what you really want.. Need not care to bother bout others..

She made me think of lots of things.. The other considerations.. And I really didnt know what to do.. People already labelled me as hypocrite and selfish.. Here I am having good results.. I was like..

But YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE NEVER TRIED TO UNDERSTAND ME..

I am havin a hard time too.. Its not my fault that some of you did badly.. I got where I was bcos I put in effort and time.. And some of it owe to luck..

Give me a break..really..

I am on bricks with friends.. Friends didnt care.. I understand they had their business going on.. but sometimes it hurts still.. I was dere.. where were you guys..

I dont wanna be a hypocrite..How can i ever explain clearly.. It doesnt helps..

And I am here to choose a route of mine..

I am already broken.. all possible chances from everyone..

People who did better than me was giving me that kind of consolation i dont need that.. and yet people who did not do that well as me need consolation and am i here to be a fake?

Carnt I express my own feelings for somehow.. I had my own troubles..

Deep down..fallen inside so terribly..

Dont comment on my post. Dont read my post. No one understands. What for. How I explain. no one can ever understand.. And the worst thing of all.. dont claim you understand..

I wasnt feeling that bad.. Just really lost..Didnt know where to head to..

Thanks sly and weijie for there to cheer me up this whole while.. Am really glad to have their accompany.. Though they were saying some lame stuff.. It really console me for that period..

And Wei Jie~ Happy sweet 18th BuRfDaE.. may all your dreams come true.. ~~

I guess.. I better calm down..