[[ At the end of desperation ]]

[[ At the end of desperation ]]

I should blog right now. The blog about being pissed should be removed. I was a little emotionally unstable and mentally crazy at that point of time. Too many things being crammed together. And was one big upset mood for me. I hadnt blog for a long time and i carnt remember what have i done over the week.

Lessons in YJ is really quite boring and i hate it when i carnt catch up on anything. I had been absent for lectures and lectures. I know i shouldnt but I just dont have the mood to study.. jus the mood to play and slack.. Wasnt really playing that much.. Its just the slacking part.. And the tests is all out.. didnt know what should i do. All the best for me. My lecture notes are blank and blank and blank. Congrats me. I already failed the physics one. and the following probably would be econs and maths.

I am trying my best to be happy if anyone can tells.. I am upset but I doesnt show it.. I do turn solemn for a while.. but i claimed nothing is wrong.. in fact.. everything is wrong.. my world is upside down right now..

Recently not only a few but quite many said that i have an attitude. Some people in YJ not to be mention doesnt even want to speak to me. And I made some of my good friends turn mad and damn pissed of with me.. Friends in YJ changed.And I met a lot problems in YJ especially relationship between people.. which i never really met before.. People do hate me..

Was it that innocent thoughts that allow friendship to be created easilly and was it that grown up thought that whatever we do.. there would be cautions to it.. Everyone is holding some caution against everyone.. I dont have a motive.. I just want to get along well with everyone.. Like the "ren xin xian er" theory.. We dont use it at young. We dont even know the term. Thats what i mean.

And here everyone sees the outer appearance..

Dont. Dont look at me. Look in me.

Sometimes people just say something casually but i take it very seriously.. esp those words that can hurt me..

I have to admit I am childish and playful.. I carnt jus stop dere quiet.. the only time when i get quiet is when I am sad, angry or tired. I carnt get serious.

I dont really think i have a childish thinking.. sometimes perhaps..But I act childishly.. Ya maybe..

And the results are out soon. I am damn scared now. Everyone was asking me why I am so calm and cool last week when everyone else panicking.. I still haven experience that kind of heart attack.. but now I also began to panic.. I was having the thought.. enjoy while i can.. Dont have the life anymore..after it..

And the people in colleges are quite scary.. You never know.. I must start to be cautious.. They are not the same like your fellow friends.. Didnt know why but i have no intention.. All i want is to mix around and make more friends but here.. not much give me a chance to.. Its kinda sad but I have no choice to when everything comes like that..

Get real peeps. wake up from dreams. Face reality.

No more innocent faces.