[[ My happy family ]]

[[ The silence. The darkness. ]]

I stared blankly into space.

I stared into darkness and silence.

My world was shut down at this moment.

I carnt see and i carnt hear.

Too many things going on my mind recently.

Mental blocked out soon.

Why have I turned like this?

Where was that once brave warrior who fought determinely.. though got defeated many times.. but at least she stood up bravely and fought again..

And now, now now.. she was like a total failure.. who gave up before she tries to fight..

She holds her mentor's pencil.. she felt she has no right to.. she let her down.. She was considered her mentor.. once who guided her.. but she didnt gave her strength.. she showed her how she found her strength..

Where was that warrior?

She has to find her strength back and to fight like once before.

Right now. She see no light... still darkness and silence..

Now, now now.. find it back.. find it back.. find it back, child..

[[ My happy family ]]

Today I went shopping for new year clothes with my mum and brother.. I was happy.. It wasnt that kind of happiness you can laugh and find it with friends.. It was sweetness that came out from one's heart..

And looking back.. It was so much different..

When was the last time we went out together?

My brother and I used to dread when looking at clothes.. It was that innocent thought that its troublesome and we can wear anything as long its comfortable.. and its that thought again.. And our mum would make sure we fit the clothes.. and she must see how we wore it.. And we would showed it to her innocently..

And right now.. my brother didnt want to let mum see how is he in the clothes.. It was that grown up thought.. It was very different.. Not much people will understand how we felt.. and why we felt this way.. But it was alrite for me.. I didnt mind.. Where was that innocent thought again?

We really have grown up.. It was scary at the same time too..

As my mum was looking at some stuff.. My brother and I went to the coffee bean wanting to have some ice blend.. and I didnt bring my wallet.. so i have to borrowed from my brother.. But my mum pay for it.. She didnt gave much thought and she didnt know its quite expensive for jus 2 cups of coffee.. And she asked us if we want to eat the cakes not.. And we told her how ex the cakes were.. She was telling us nevermind nevermind.. Again.. I was surprised.. It was that innocent thought once again that she would say no.. but she didnt.. She didnt reject us drinking these exp stuff.. We didnt buy anyway.. guess my mother had the same thought as me..

It was just that 10+ bucks for my children to be happy..

And it was just that few dollars for my mother to be happy..

Looking at my weary and worn out mum.. I was wondering.. wondering how long have she been out there shopping.. She seems to be out of touch with things.. She hadnt had the time.. My mother wasnt as lucky as other mother out dere.. She didnt buy herself much things and she didnt have the time..

I want to accompany her to streets.. I want to accompany her to shopping.. I wanted to buy what she laids her eyes on.. I want my mother to be happy..

And we went to arcade for a game of percussion.. and this mother was spotted at bugis basement arcade.. There was basically no adults around and she willingly went down.. We asked her do she wants to join us? I was afraid we would bored her.. but she say go together.. I wasnt unhappy that my mother was tagging along.. I was proud that i had my mother around me.. I was walking thru the arcade proudly with my mother.. And my mum watching us playing.. She sat down wearilly once again.. but she smiled.. proud of this 2 children at the same time..

I was hestitating.. It wasnt really a good place for us to go there as you know.. Its rather complicated in the arcade.. And should mum knows we goes to arcade often.. but after that.. my hestitatings gone.. She should know.. We were down at the arcade for some games.. and she should know.. ought to know and have the right to know..

And she look bored but she didnt stop smiling.. And when after her game.. She didnt complain.. She was smiling also.. From her expression.. I saw her eyes filled with happiness from her two children.. They were happy and so she is happy too.. I have a great mother..

And i got a pair of shoes from adidas.. thanks again mother.. she was hanging the " dont buy so ex one " on her mouth today but she didnt do that.. guess she wanted us to be thrifty.. Our shopping today spend so much and perhaps over 300+..

She spotted a bag at OG.. it costs around 130 bucks.. And my brother and I going to share money to buy it.. We have to save and save.. And we wanted to get her before new year so we borrowed from dad first..

Mum would be glad.. Since she is going to buy and we should give her present since she dont buys thing for herself often.. she only buys for us.. And i shall repeat.. A hundred bucks for her to be happy..

Its worth it..