regrets

came across some show on the tv.

a girl lost something precious.
the guy told her.
it would be waiting somewhere for you to find it.

and i thought this sentence is really very beautiful.

afterall, in life we came across many things.
we lost it. we find it.
if we kept this thought in mind,
we would probably never give up and continue searching for it.

and what about me.

i am upset. right now.
can i go into hiding too

can you find me too?

i will be waiting somewhere for you to find me.
and would you know where to find me if im upset?

i kept my phone in some box in my house.
i dont want it anymore. at least for this moment.
if i put it somewhere it can be seen.
if i see it, my heart would hurt somewhere.
waiting for your message. waiting.
and waiting hurts. hurts a lot.
ask me why cant i message you first.
i wanna try see if you can find me again.
i might seems childish.
but if you dont see your phone,
you probably wont miss it.
you wont keep checking.
and you feel at ease.

let me feel peace.

the strangest thing is in the noon.
i was really damn bored.
my boredom is my lonliness.
i feel lonely when im bored.
hav you guys felt this way before?

i don have a chance to say leave me alone.
because im all alone.

and i wanna make myself feel comfortable.

and when you're bored, you're lonely.
and when you're lonely,
everything comes into you.

you think of everything that had happen.

shiping hates boredom.
cos i hate to be lonely.

no one likes it anyway.

i did in fact reflect everything.
in my past 17 years of life.
what i did.
i am regretting it.

i hate regrets.
i told myself before.
when im 16. i hate regrets.
i told myself not to regret and i didnt.
i overcome myself.

and this entire year, i didnt reflect.
i totally did not even think this year.
i am regretting.
i wasted a year.

people getting on. moving on.
and im staying back.
im on the spot not moving.

i am back where i stood at 16.
i cant afford to waste anymore time.

this time, i walk my own path.
and i dont wanna regret anymore.

envying others.

look at me.
im what failure describes.

not because i did not study harder.
i did not think.
i am defeated because of myself.

what am i thinking back then?

no more regrets.

one more time, watch me.