midnight sadness

what am i still doing here.

cant get to sleep anymore.

why am i like that.
even me myself cant stand me right now.

can anyone make me feel happier
right now.

can anyone get rid of the sadness
right now

can anyone keep me from lonliness
right now

i don understand why would i become like that.

i feeling so lost.
every single thing.

i never succeed anything.
with no accomplishments.

national university of singapore.
all my dreams there.
eversince i am young, it had been my goal.
what happened to me.
why there is no longer a fighting spirit within me.
i seems like losing my will to survive.

people asked me.
its really hard to face all this kind of shit.
it was okay starting but getting hell in the end.

all i see is people doing well in poly.
people promoting. people going university.
i looked so lowly compared to the rest.
i dont know how to answer to their questions.

my neighbours had even gone to university already.
my cousins doing so well in universities and so on.
they graduated. i cant even promote.

i don know why but everyone asked me. tons.
when working at my mum's shop, uncles aunties.
reaching home, neighbours.
and i cant imagine all my aunties' talk and thinkings.

why?

I totally lost it all.
its getting heavy these days.
im sorry if my attitude is horrible.

cant anyone relieve the pain i feel inside.

the society. and everyone.
how am i gonna face everyone.

i never felt anyone's concern on my academic issues.
especially the elders.
all i ever feel was them pretending.

cut out all the fake smiles.
i hate living in this world.
no one seems to be real.
dont pretend anymore.

spare me, alright.

im totally alright in the day.
but it comes to night, i cant take it anymore.