the waters.

yeap i woke up damn early today. i went swimming with myself. the feeling was quite right. never know how to explain. but yup.

i kept my silence. wonder would anyone notice my presence. am i real. am i true. where should i head next? whats my next destination? where can i go? where can i go?

waters.

I wanna go swimming. go jump into the cooling waters.

like the feeling of swimming in the morning with a quiet pool. feel at ease. calm and cool. the waters is all mine. but i had not swim for like 800 yrs. because everytime i really feel like going. i really wan to go. i never wake up early enough to go.

its quite good. i can focus on my thoughts. been thinking too much these days. my thoughts are all messed up. i need to calm down and rearrange them.

i feel so dumb recently. i've been craving for water these few days. i feel extremely thirsty and i told my mum. my mum asked me to be careful later got diabetes. and this word struck me. i felt so scared. im so afraid that im going to die. i will be condemned with this sickness. i checked up enyclopedias about symptoms on diabetes and etc. fear.

and then i went for a blood test that costs me $5.25 to ease myself. i felt damn dumb. my glucose level was not even high. and the most ridiculous thing is that 90% of the patients are over the age of like 45. and im only 17. no wonder the doctors stared at me when i stood blindly at the labs. i think i'll be a joke of toapayoh polyclinic. but at least im sugar free =D



i love my mummy. feels weird but thats what i feel like now. i talk to her more and more nowadays. the cutest mum. and her favourite sentence is "if you want to find a boyfriend, dont find someone like ur dad. " which i think its funny.



its okay. its okay to be angry.
sometimes. even you find yourself unreasonable. its alright, shiping. people do have times they feel the lowest. just cool down. calm down. everything's gonna be fine. yeah. believe.

i hate to play solitaire again and again.

drained

when you are serious about doing sth, its damn hard. i lost my direction. i feel so lost. competition hurts. can i go on my own pace own target. i fell. many times. its very hard to get to the peak. even to somewhere near the peak. whats wrong with me.

felt comforted somehow. thanks for being around.

go shiping!

I do what i think. sometimes things might seem foolish. but i do what i feel like.

yes. i must hold on to faith. believing in myself. i know when i believe, i can.

Bliss.

omg. i hadnt been blogging for dont know when. my tagboard get filled up and i didnt even notice it. hmmm..

i miss ahgogo. =(

i hadnt hear from her for ages. i feel so sad. although i know some friends cross boundaries but sometimes when you lose contact, unexpected things would happen. i cannot afford to lose a good friend =)

come to think of it, sometimes i do meet new friends but the feeling is so different. honestly, i may not trust them as much because i dont know how. because sometimes we cannot trust all people. because when we grow up we'll all understand why staying young and innocent is the best. only these friends understand me best. when even we kept silent, we understand. nothing matters. we enjoy each other's company. i really must meet her soon.

Although i keep claiming that i know that some friends will always be there. but right now, im a little fearful. we need to keep on donating to saving banks. It might be a relationship bank, a friendship bank, a family bank. my life is real perfect now. but i hadnt been investing in friendship banks a lot. i'm afraid one day, we're all have nothing much to say.

but i still trust ahgogo! =D

but i still miss the presence of her. and some friends.

felicia sent me a song before and there was this sentence:
i've got some friends; some that i hardly know.
we've some times; i wouldnt trade them for the world.

hmmm sometimes i hate weekends because it turned me into a big fat cat like garfield. like the cat outside the school coffee shop. because i dont do work and i do nothing. i feel lazy and i dont feel like doing my work. i went to help out at my mum's shop ytd. nothing's new. just that the price of coffee and tea powder increases, therefore, my mum's price of coffee and tea increases too. it was vesak day ytd. went to the temple to pray. as usual, the same old temple brought me some memories. childhood ones. oh yes and i caught MI3 later in the evening. the show was great. and we're real lucky cos we got the grand cathay. yes it was quite cool in it.

i come to like the feeling of some things.
1) eat chicken wings when walking along the streets or even in the cinema.
2) eat tau huay at some old shop.
3) sit down in some nice cafe and have cheesecake or icecreams.
4) singing jay chou songs and doing work in the canteen.

i felt really blessed sometimes. i'm so fortunate. i had friends who wouldnt leave and i know it. i had someone who will be there for me. i had a damn funny family and i grew to love them each more and more each day. I had a super cute and yet powerful mum. she is the pillar of the whole family. my heroine. and a super cork dad. super super funny. one of my best friend in the house. and my damn cool brother who probably thinks that talking to me is wasting his time but yeah. and my ah ma can make me laugh sometimes. she is old for her age but young in heart. though sometimes i find her quite long winded and we cannot communicate well cos i cannot speak hokkein but yeah shes damn funny. and i had this great aunt who cooks fabulously. and i really love her cooking and i love to talk to her. her reactions are damn funny also. and the 3 children she had. my closest cousins. =d i love them all!

and i had this 3 little monkeys. called carmen, hedi and gera. yeah they're monkeys. the best monkeys. better than sun wu kong. and they had been part of my life. all my tears my laughters my memories are with these 3 monkeys.

and then i had this external family. my evil twin named pei and this bunch of nonsense people. they never failed to make me laugh seriously. this big family called the rfc.

and then i had friends that i chanced upon and i can never forget. manys.

and i had breed this little pig called nanny. poor o nanny cos he follows me everywhere and always get cursings from me. he is damn dumb. looks very silly but hes real cute and damn funny. and he adds on to my joy =D

with all the people above, how can my life not be perfect. i am blessed.

but shiping, you need to study harder.....