Live twice.

Live twice.

Don't leave now
Not yet
There were time we regret
And I'm sorry
Somehow
I only
Wanted to make you proud

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love

If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

When you told me
I frozeIt still echoes
In my soul
Please forgive me
If I didn't say
I love you
Every single day

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love

If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
Nobody told me we'd only get one chance
I didn't know that our tide would turn so fast
Why we have to say goodbye
I don't understand

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love

We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice

__________________________

I thought i blogged an entry but seems like its gone.

That day i felt so useless.
Looking back, I felt so useless.

I once said.. I wont and never let you go..
especially when im still into you..
yet i was rash that moment.. I could hear nothing..

I ran.. i felt like going everywhere that moment..
I really felt like taking my bag and went off to swimming.
I really need to wind out.. I need to swim.. I need to calm down..

But i felt hurt.. hurt by ur words.. but u didnt know..
but i was even more hurt by myself..
wad make me be like that?
with no will and determination.
Jus like the wind can break us up..
I'm so stupid..

I'm sorry..

but im glad.. you didnt let me go..
I dont and never wanted but i thought i couldnt take it anymore..
but if i let you go.. thats really i cannot take it anymore..

I'm glad we're on the line.

That day I didnt wanted to buy that japanese green tea..
what tempt me to buy it? I dont know..

It was especially bitter. especially bitter that day.

I never drink it so horribly. I never bit the straw until like that.
But why am i forcing myself to drink it?
I felt bitter. terribly bitter inside..

I am confused. totally dont know what.
but i needed some time.

I went up a double-deck bus. our usual bus.
Not much souls was on the upper deck..
I thought i can breakaway.
I thought i would cry like shit.
totally like shatman.

The tv was showing some comical shows.
I heard the bus laughing but i heard myself crying.

totally like shatman.

I reached home. I ran. went to run. run for life.

I dont know wad result me being like that.
I know I really fell.

I really dont wanna let you go.
but why am i forcing myself to do this?
like why am i forcing myself into that bitter japanese green tea.

It was really alrite.
but strangely it jus tastes bitter that day.

Dou Jiang You Tiao. The perfect match.

you gave me a bottle of hundred plus that day.
suddenly everything changed for that moment.

The 100 plus sweetened the japanese green tea.

Your 100 plus sweetened my japanese green tea.

Just for that day.

Yi Bai Lu Cha. The perfect match.

dont leave now. not yet.
i'm sorry. somehow. i only want to make you proud.

I realised something.

Love can be tested thru different times.
We cannot test love.
It will make things worst.

Jus like i cannot test you.
I learnt my mistake.

I had my own way of making secrets.
whenever im sad or angry,
I jus keep quiet.
I find no voice.
I cannot speak.

Dont blame me for that.
Im still trying hard not to.

I'm glad you held on to me.
cos i really dont wanna go.

Live twice.

Live twice.

Don't leave now
Not yet
There were time we regret
And I'm sorry
Somehow
I only
Wanted to make you proud

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love

If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

When you told me
I frozeIt still echoes
In my soul
Please forgive me
If I didn't say
I love you
Every single day

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love

If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
Nobody told me we'd only get one chance
I didn't know that our tide would turn so fast
Why we have to say goodbye
I don't understand

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love

We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice

__________________________

I thought i blogged an entry but seems like its gone.

That day i felt so useless.
Looking back, I felt so useless.

I once said.. I wont and never let you go..
especially when im still into you..
yet i was rash that moment.. I could hear nothing..

I ran.. i felt like going everywhere that moment..
I really felt like taking my bag and went off to swimming.
I really need to wind out.. I need to swim.. I need to calm down..

But i felt hurt.. hurt by ur words.. but u didnt know..
but i was even more hurt by myself..
wad make me be like that?
with no will and determination.
Jus like the wind can break us up..
I'm so stupid..

I'm sorry..

but im glad.. you didnt let me go..
I dont and never wanted but i thought i couldnt take it anymore..
but if i let you go.. thats really i cannot take it anymore..

I'm glad we're on the line.

That day I didnt wanted to buy that japanese green tea..
what tempt me to buy it? I dont know..

It was especially bitter. especially bitter that day.

I never drink it so horribly. I never bit the straw until like that.
But why am i forcing myself to drink it?
I felt bitter. terribly bitter inside..

I am confused. totally dont know what.
but i needed some time.

I went up a double-deck bus. our usual bus.
Not much souls was on the upper deck..
I thought i can breakaway.
I thought i would cry like shit.
totally like shatman.

The tv was showing some comical shows.
I heard the bus laughing but i heard myself crying.

totally like shatman.

I reached home. I ran. went to run. run for life.

I dont know wad result me being like that.
I know I really fell.

I really dont wanna let you go.
but why am i forcing myself to do this?
like why am i forcing myself into that bitter japanese green tea.

It was really alrite.
but strangely it jus tastes bitter that day.

Dou Jiang You Tiao. The perfect match.

you gave me a bottle of hundred plus that day.
suddenly everything changed for that moment.

The 100 plus sweetened the japanese green tea.

Your 100 plus sweetened my japanese green tea.

Just for that day.

Yi Bai Lu Cha. The perfect match.

dont leave now. not yet.
i'm sorry. somehow. i only want to make you proud.

I realised something.

Love can be tested thru different times.
We cannot test love.
It will make things worst.

Jus like i cannot test you.
I learnt my mistake.

I had my own way of making secrets.
whenever im sad or angry,
I jus keep quiet.
I find no voice.
I cannot speak.

Dont blame me for that.
Im still trying hard not to.

I'm glad you held on to me.
cos i really dont wanna go.

everything's damn.

im so dead can larr..

shiping is still in school.. working on the damn WR and the damn Econs essay to be hand in by tmr and hav to work on the damn maths tutorial 9.4 when i get home.. arghh barely surviving..

i am telling joanne the entire day that i wanna burn down YJC man.. arghh!!!..

damn school..

damn teacher day..

thanks teachers for so much hw..

arghh dying!!!

im stuck in YJC's library now.. and my eyes are damn dry that my vision is blurred in this air con room.. damn shat man.. after lessons at 330.. went for project meeting and carried on with my work until.. time check!! 8 plus man.. arhh.. so super dead.. im looking at the com and com..

when can i finish my work? so much to do.. arghh.. everything's damn.

You can hear.

You can hear.

我想我是太过依赖
在挂电话的刚才
坚持学单纯的小孩
静静看守这份爱
知道不能太依赖
怕你会把我宠坏
你的香味一直徘徊
我舍不得离开

I think that I am too dependant
When the phone was hanged just now
I persisted in acting like a naive child
Silently guarding this piece of love
know that I can’t be too dependant
Afraid that you would spoil me
Your fragrance constantly hovers
I am reluctant to leave

Thats 119.. the cork gang plus me of course EXTRA lar.. eRrr.. urmm think some of them are missing.. aniwaes.. copyright from paulin's friendster HEE!!! 

127 DAMN RETARD. see ame's face like so heh heh heh evil look that she got us all trapped inside. ;) 

different. indifferent.

different. indifferent.

Many things happened. many minor things happen in majority.

I suddenly feel the urge to blog. I was on the bus. I was walking home.
I felt different. I felt indifferent.

Many thoughts run thru my mind. The past. The present. The future.
The past phillosophies.

I came up with shipinile delinquency. That will result in the past phillosphies.
Sometimes what you say don make sense to others.
but its alrite. cos i understand perfectly.

guilt. should i?

My past phillosphies. I look back. saw a reflection of myself.
different. indifferent.

We usually get too far away in our thoughts that no one knows.
thats what i am now in.

yet no strong feelings.

Today was another day.
How am i going to put it across?

What you see what you hear what you observe. you noted.
in our every own daily life, we noted.

Am I supposed to feel this way? Is it right?

Sometimes in life, simple small things touched me.
sentimental towards way of life.
felt a lot in everyday's way of life.

And then the past phillosphies.
It is coming all back to me.
I thought. thought again.
this is not going to happen.
but i need to remind myself.

strangely, i felt different. felt indifferent today.

don ask me why how what.
nothing specified happen.
nothing worth mentioning happen.
nothing of the sort.

but reflect on the way of life.
how i lived thru.

the circle of way of life.
not a complete circle.

I am not what i am.
shakespeare?

No no. yes yes.

people see me differently. indifferently.
but i see me similarly. insimilarly.
the way of life i am.
but depends for people to look at me in which manner.

I used to think i am different. indifferent.
I am not what i am.
but what makes me up is me myself.
I am true. I am myself.
and people see the different side of me on their perspective or their reactions.
i react what they react.
i change when my mood goes low.

thats because i have been a pessimist all along.
I am an optimist physically. a pessimist emotionally.
or rather depends how others look at me.

end of my rant.

now. we took a class photo today! it was seriously gonna look damn cool.
our informal was super crazy!

ok shall skip the formal part. everyone knows what a formal pic will look like right?

first informal was like ms chew laying down on this long chair like a ancient egypt queen.
aniwae she reminds me of the commercial where this the queen eating nuts and this tall muscular man cracking the nuts near his ahem area.. between his 2 thighs.. yeah you got it? thats that.

oh yes about ms chew. she is eRrr ok wait i will upload her pic someday and you all shall see. with big huge eyes. she can do things we can never imagine.

ms mona chew. we linked her with dinesh for some reason i dont know why but its damn funny. thats the 127 joke. dinesh gonna marry mona and their son will be called monash and dina. monash university and today the informal was dinesh beside mona! and we were never stop laughing.

and yesterday during pe.. i did all the nonsense, now my arms, thighs and stomach are aching and today i have been trying to avoid laughing as much as i can. but i still laughed a lot.

oh yes and mona was wearing her best suit. yesterday during eocns, 127 was pleading with her. "ms chew could you please wear that dress of urs. you look very pretty very good in it.." blah blah all lotsa craps. and then 127 was practically behaving like kids.. one reason is that she took us as kids. really. the way she talks to us and everything. we were kids in her eyes. and the other reason is that she seems very proud of her own appearance. i mean her clothes taste and everything. and you know her suit was like what sailormoon wears. something like that. aniwae i cant wait for the photos to be out.

did i mention that she wore hangten white shoes to school? in a JC for god heaven goodness sake, no one wear white shoes as far as i know.. and she was very proud of it..

ok back to the informal 1.. she was like an egyptian queen on this long chair.. with her legs up the chair.. you know? imagine!! ok.. and then the 3rd row was amazed shocked look on our faces.. and pointing like in egyptian era.. second row was saluting and looking wow.. and first row was like all the guys acting macho with their act muscle hands and dexter and jerome kneel down on the floor and was like wow our queen..

and to informal 2.. the best part.. we think until our brains don work anymore.. we want to be different and indifferent. we want something different so we racked our brains and we end up at Yj's schoolgate where we came in and our of school everyday..

then we asked the security guard for help.. the panel? that blocked cars to enter.. you know that? when you goes to carparks, before you enter, until you put in money into the machine before it, the panel wont shift up to allow you to enter.. well that panel.. and then uncle helped us to make it hang in mid air and we can touch it so me and a few pretend to lift the panel up.. and then one group of 127 were pretending running to it and then with the "oh we got caught in action" look. and then christine was pushing this damn big sign that says no entry.. and then the 3 counsellors on the other side of the panel was having the gun hands along with some others.. and kim chuan managed to borrow the cowboy hat from the uncle and was acting cool with it.. they were all acting cool.. lols.. and then oh yes dinesh was sitting at the end of the panel the pillar holding an umbrella.. he looks stupid but funny oh well and ms chew was holding a long stick supposedly look like a cane acting fierce and the side.. oh yes not to mention... samuel was lying on the road ( pretend that he had fell down ) and then desperately trying to cross over the line.. and then dexter, our president counsellor were catching his leg refusing to let go.. aniwae its jus super cool.. we carnt wait for the photo to be out..

and we kept talking bout it. and it was supposed to be econs lesson but we purposely delayed it and went to the toilet squash court to take somemore pics from people who brought the dig cameras. and then the squash court, that transparent door? we pretended that we were squashed. thats squash court.

and then we used our tactic to tell ms chew how pathetic we are that we were super hungry because of photo taking took away our break. and then she allows us to take packed lunchboxes up. thats whoo crazy.. im beginning to love 127 more and more.. but i still cant forget that they owned me money and forms!!! hahha =D

thats the way of life.

pissed

it didnt really anger me.
jus pissed me off..

Run For Life.

[[ Run For Life. ]]

updates anyone?

-I donated blood!! not pain!!
-I got a B for 2.4km and im very proud. really.
-I got a trophy for badminton interhouse but thanks to others.
-I completed some of my work. trying.
-I need serious catching in my work.

I think I've got split personalities. I will be very happy. cheerful in school where i see all of my friends. I just cannot don smile or laugh lar. =D but when alone, unhappy thoughts set in. Seriously it has been like that since im young. i cannot be left alone.

I am feeling numb about everything. everything. not only about us. but school and everything.

today school rocks. simply because deres one and a half hour of GP and teacher was away for something. and we talked like we never talk before. laugh like we never laugh before. In the gp group, deres ame, chris and dex. we're talking about disgusting stuffs lol! okie. don mind that.

oh yes oh yes. did anyone know that adidas stands for wad? hahha i didnt know.. jus got to know few weeks ago and wanted to mention but keep on forgetting.. hahha.. prob u guys know it.. ;)

I feel more attached with my class. I really like this bunch of friends i've made. that is calia, ruis, ame and melly. we're the CRAMP girls. thats lame. k hahha. and still, our class is very united.. CRAMP girls don stick together like as if we're in our world but we blend ard with our class. therefore i like the entire class =D

Seems like i still hav no problem making friends.. first thought in 127 for me is like hell!!

Around in YJ.. basically surviving thru complains and complains to 127 everyday.. and i am saying all the cork stuff about YJ.. how much it sucks here.. the only thing bout YJ is thumbs up is the people!!

Like i said during gp talking lesson.. YJ is forever comparing to RJ.. so might as well change name to RJ.. Retaining Junior College.. they like students to retain so much.. wad kind of shit is their system? daily work.. fugg off man!! i had the fears i would retain seriously i would.

I aint care. aint gonna bother.

and you told me you can feel that im totally disappointed.

probably i am. but its ok. im still surviving.
thats wad i hav been trained.
no scarcasm here but im used to it.
i don mind anymore.
so no worries.

ocean avenue

Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard.

There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away
There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away
I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I dont know why but i fell in love with this song. probably of the lyrics.

Pitter-patter.

Pitter-patter.

I heard the rain. Pitter-patter.

Do you hear the rain? Pitter-patter.

Is it me or..?

Everything would be okay after the rain. I thought so.

Was it really the case? Was it an illusion? Was it the truth?

Everything would be the same after the rain. I thought so.

Was it really like this?

The grass is damp. The air is cooling. The moisture in the air
The rainbow. frogs. snails. what?

Everything feels so different now.
I guess the rain were too heavy.
I cant salvage it.. cant command the rain to stop.

I lost my strength. lost my will. lost my motivation.

and its you who kept me alive.

i know i have to be strong for now. for now.

Everything is different.

I dont know why. I dont know how.

But I'm tired..

This is a super funny pic i think during the camp.. hmmms reminds me about the camp.. the leadership camp we went.. this is an overturned mushroom on the floor.. and the background.. YJ's track from the grand stand view.. It was raining heavilly.. somehow reminds me of some warmth.. the camp was a thumbs up! and remindin me more of OBS... I miss all camps.. its somehow where we escape from reality.. didnt need to face any problems in our own world.. how i miss it.. Zzzz.. 

This is a super funny pic i think during the camp.. hmmms reminds me about the camp.. the leadership camp we went.. this is an overturned mushroom on the floor.. and the background.. YJ's track from the grand stand view.. It was raining heavilly.. somehow reminds me of some warmth.. the camp was a thumbs up! and remindin me more of OBS... I miss all camps.. its somehow where we escape from reality.. didnt need to face any problems in our own world.. how i miss it.. Zzzz.. 

This was what I meant.. cooking like this!!! hahha anyway i happened to find this YJC's blog and its the pic in the leadership camp we went.. and i strongly believed its our group cos everything looks super familar.. nevermind bout that but i wanna cook like this like obs again!! hEeee.. yeah man! 

[[ The Stranger ]]

[[ The Stranger ]]
The stranger I've met.

strangely as it seems..

I like to look at the way you sleep.

I like the way you walk me home.
I like the way you told me all the stuff.
I like the way you eat your chicken with 1 hand.
I like the way you fold straw heart.
I like the way you buy green tea for me.
I like the way you buy chocolates for me.
I like the way you watched movie with me.
I like the way you lost to me in Xbox.
I like the way you make me laugh.
I like the way you laugh.
I like the way you keep your reciepts.
I like the way you bullshit with me.
I like the way you encourage me.
I like the way you nag at me to study.
I like the way you wait for me.
I like the way you gave the smile on your face.
I like the way you talked to me on the phone.
I like the way you smsed me.
I like the way you wake me up.
I like the way you send me songs.
I like the way you tell me the lyrics.
I like the way you chat with me.
I like the way you took bus with me to nowhere.
I like the way you stopped me to drink coffee.
I like the way you drink your ice lemon tea.
I like the way you shared your deepest thought with me.
I like the way you disturb me.
I like the way you keep on crapping.
I like the way we talk about our dreams.
I like the way you do things for me.

and the list goes on..

I like the way everything about you.

I like the way we are now.

I like my Mr Green Tea.
I like my Oreo Cheese Cake.

Its amazing. How it begun. I never once gave a thought before.

Magical.

We are like strangers.. starting out on a journey but i'm glad.

Life's never been so perfect. Though its never perfect but with you, everything seems perfect.

Close to perfect.

Can I keep you, stranger?

I like your way.

[[ Return to innocence ]]

[[Return To Innocence]]

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.

If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

____________________________________________________________

*OMG!!! thats the song i'm looking for!!! for super long and i should have asked Mr ruz long ago.. I didnt know he know the song.. thats the song they played in investiture and its really famliar but i didnt take much notice.. and the lyrics is super meaningful.. OMG!!! I found the song!! Thanks Mr ruz!!! =D

Look at the lyrics carefully.

Motivating. encouraging and heart-felt. True enough. I am touched when i heard this song. Speechless but really touched.

The return to innocence. I want to return to innocence. As we grow up and up.. Life's hectic. stressful. and you look around you.. you realised that people aint that nice to you anymore.. you realised you cannot smile innocently at strangers as you like.. Go back to the past. Thats what i really really want to. Thats why i often said Rewind, rewind and we're back. How much i want to go back. played everyday with no worries of whats happening tmr. living each day your fullest. laugh and laugh and more laughter. sometimes.. thats the way things are.. and being childish.. why not? we're innocent and ignorant to the real world. whats stress? like the way things are back then.

The differences.

And when you're young, you don need to even worry or think a lot. There's no need to do reflection. No inner thoughts no inner feelings. everyday you write your journal. and you begin your journal with "today i woke up at 6.15am to go to school. During Pe, we ran a lot as Napfa was nearing. During Recess, I queued and bought noodles. It is very nice and we played hopskotch after that." and when you're a grown up.. define grown up.. old enough to have thoughts of yourself.. "today woke up at 6.15.. bloody early.. im sooo tired.. cant take it anymore.. school is hell man.. we ran during pe again.. darn long! why carnt they stop tormenting me. and Napfa is a stupid thing.. what nonsense.. Ate noodles.. quite alright and we sat down and complain.. " Thats how it is. You complain a lot where you're defined as a grown up.

Sometimes its good to be innocent.

like the article. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

thats a quite inspiring article about Steve Job's speech during some graduation ceremony. He do make many sense. motivating. and we did that during general paper. like cutting out all the inner meanings. Some simple article will turn into complicated in general paper.

just like how you grow.. simplicity to complicated life.

I hate changing. I hate adapting to changes. I dont want the line cos I dont wanna a new number. I never like to change. I still miss that 91383312. All my friend's numbers are gone.. I need to sms them.. so many out dere.. I'm just sick of changing.

[[ Many thanks ]]

Mr Ruz, I found you and i found myself. Thanks for all that encouragement and motivation always. Life's never been more perfect ever since you appeared. =) Thanks for always being dere.

Hedi, though for a quite long period of time.. we didnt meet up but i assure you.. whatever happens to you.. I'b dere for you anytime you need me.. My 10 year friend.. rock on! ..>.<

Gera, my lesbian friend for 4 years.. been with me rain or shine.. always dere whenever i need you.. listening.. consoling.. advising and understanding.. Thanks.. I still love you.. hehhs..^^

Carmen, my partner friend for everything.. blading, in school, studying, play, sports.. and laughing.. Always hearing me winding out and complaining for every matter.. Thanks pal.. =P

Melanie, the most truest person that i can ever find on earth. You're like my secret friend. Someone who write letters to me and send me gifts that are really so sweet.. And i had never seen her before but she is really a good friend of mine.. listening to everything.. shared everything we could.. never ever had no topic.. but sad to say.. we're been apart by many oceans and countries. :)

Paulin, Shiqi and Zebelty, my greatest findings in YJ.. though we're not very strongly bonded.. but thanks for all those encouragement and laughter and crappings and bitching on anyone we can.. hahha.. Complaining together and i really like laughing and bu hao xiao-ing together.. eating together and going crazy.. you guys are the truest i can ever find in YJ.. =D

Wu-Liao cians, WU LIAO!! thats wad all you all are.. but really.. you guys can make my day! making me laugh is sure a no problem. Super corkest gang i ever found plus 119 gang.. totally going crazy.. hahha.. though others may find us noisy but keep going on.. all my smiles and laughter is really can be found with you guys..

Ruis, Mel, Joanne, Ame.. the CRAMP girls plus 127.. though we aint very united but in class i still need you guys.. to control you guys' laughter hahha!! to laugh with me of course and to eat recess together.. to chiong for canteen..and to keep shouting "hun! hun!"

People who ever made my life great are all these people. not forgetting my own family of course.

Though people walk in walk out.. I'm not sure whether these people would walk out of my life. but let me at least enjoy all of you all's accompany. I really love you guys. Made shiping ever possible.

The Return To Innocence. This song is like a thank you song. I dont know why but i feel like thanking everyone i know. thanks everyone for everything. even though names not mention but thanks a million.

[[ for now.. for now.. ]]

[[ for now.. for now.. ]]

did they ever know?

no. they dont.

nobody cares. no one cares.

they laugh they joke.

i smile. i laugh. i smile.

and they think im happy.

im going strong and im taking everything fine as it goes.

thats their assumption.

and her way of keeping quiet and making secrets.

really dammit. ever since my chinese teacher bluddy hell complained to my mum. i dont have a day of happiness.

my phone's confiscated. dont have to call me anymore. i have no phone.

my allowance is cut. and everyone think its a joke. ok. laugh people!

and they expect me to be home straightaway after school.

I remembered whatever they said clearly. do you need me to repeat? Juvenile Childish Adults.

Shut up! get out. get out of my life for this moment. everyone seems to be having problems with parents. parents pms times. noted. usually happen around beginning of august.

I wished im possesed. sometimes at home. you really felt like wanted to be ignored and people never let you off. you really need the space. but you never got it. and sometimes you wanna be noticed. you want their attention and they never bothered. I wished im possesed so that this kinda things will never affect me.

Adults are super childish. I seriously hate adults. I used to think what they say makes sense and they are forever right and reasonable. Sometimes they do make sense but often its not. They are forever right. thats of course. they claim them right and we got no say. so what makes them wrong? They too have their reasons. perfect reasons.

I hate to go home nowadays. Her mum nags. My mum nags. My dad with his heck attitude. My aunt with lotsa questions. I have no more room. I give it to my grandma. I give it all up to them. I have nothing left. A broken heart maybe. I have no privacy. I have nowhere to hide at home. I have no shelter. I have no warmth left.

The nicest on earth is perhaps my brother. This poor fellow down dere got scolded naturally when i got scolded. we shared scoldings and even he got cut in his allowance. He never said anything. Instead he poured water for me until i say so nice arh den he stop and we both laughed. He gave me some nice sweet that really tasted sweet. for now. for now. and it seems to be expensive. I ask him for somemore. he ask me to go fridge and take. and normally he would wind out about how he got nowhere to study when he lended me his only table to do my work as we both taking shelter in his room. My dearest dude brother, thanks a million. It might means nth but this time i really need it. for now. for now. rock on!

Pick up the pieces for me, Mr ruz! I wanna cry it all out.. i really wanna cry.. Mr ruz, where are you? I miss you.. I do..

and all my good friends.. where are you people? the listenings. the pretending to be listening. the huhs. the laughs. is all what i get. disappointed? I wont say that for now. for now. I know I'm down. torn in and thru. so I'm making a biased stand.

Let the music heal my soul. for now. for now.

shipingg I hope the modulus sign work. for now. for now.

Its unfair. I felt angry. But dere is no use for me to explain. I cant explain. can never. It all boiled up in me. I tried. I failed. Do you know how much how much i really wanted to scream shout yell? oh freaks!!! get out!!! shut up!! fugging adults.

I wanted them to care. I wanted their attention. desperately. and they dont even give a damn. i wished im possessed.

Did i ever mention about me? I have heart mumur. I used to carnt hear properly. Heart mumur is like a hole in your heart. you cant breathe properly. you cant attend pe lessons. thats how serious it is. its true. I need check-ups regularly for my improper hearing. and the check-ups is at ttsh. thats how serious it is. Whats the point? I am super imperfect. defect.

and it really hurts me. bring me down down down..

and i dont wanna fall to pieces..

In my brother's room..

Mum (knocked on the door loudly)

Shiping unlocked the door. and went to sit on the bed.

Mum : " Why you locked the door? Later your brother wants to go in." (in an angry tone)

Shiping : " He will say if he wants to come in." (thinking : parents' childish act. nonsense. Its totally bullshit)

Mum : " You people always forever like that.. i scold and you all started ignoring me.. like your brother.. didnt talk to me for 2 weeks.. you all grow big le.. now showing attitude.."

Shiping thinking : c'mon la.. you scolding can? who on the earth would smile at you or talk with you. and we're not showing attitude.. we're trying to calm things down.. we're behaving like young adults.. we're not like you.. we're rather step one step back and let things cooled down and you are assuming we are ignoring you.

(but shiping kept quiet not showing a single expression.)

Mum : " You didnt pass up work.. its your fault..and you blame other people.." (rattles on)

Shiping thinking : you didnt ask me why i couldnt hand in the work.. didnt ask me nicely and you started scolding.. Understand first, ok? I must say shes biased somehow. Other people didnt hand in their work. she called up my parents. and I really cannot finish what.. what you all want? I cannot finish means i cannot finish.. go force me jump down the building la..

(but shiping kept quiet not showing a single expression.)

Mum : " And I asked you to come home early.. where you go just now? "

Shiping (dont feel like speaking) : "I got ndp rehearsal."

Mum : " I dont care. after school come home immediately" (even though the ndp rehearsal is a question mark in her mind.)

Shiping : .... (silence. putting the pillow on her face while mum rattles on)

Mum : (took away the pillow and throw it back) you might as well dont go school la.. wont get stress wad.. don study.. go work.. can buy things you like and i can save money..

Shiping : Stop your nonsense can? I'm very tired. You're destroying all the little confidence i have in me.. down.. down in the drain.. (but still kept silence and in fury nodded my head about mum saying of going work..)

Thats me. I kept quiet and how much i wanna shout back. I couldnt do it. Sometimes shouting back at them isnt a bad thing. It can make them realise how hurt i felt when my parents said that. I am trying hard. at least i did try to study and now you said that. Its such a wet blanket. My world is raining. I couldnt stop my tears.

Save me.

Parents really left a huge impact in me since young. yet they never understand.

Its ok. i'm going strong. no one undestand anyway.

Continue people.

Ignore me or pretend like the normal way you do.