[[ Strangers -Who are you? ]]

[[ Strangers -Who are you? ]]

I'm in P17 rite now. Guess how i feel? Totally out of place.

The moment i see some friends i knew ard.. I was screaming like mad but with joy.. The familiar faces.. It somehow comfort me..

I am. Totally out of place.

There is no one that i can fit in to. I definitely hopes it gets better.

I was classed as sociable, friendly and this kind of things never really happens. And now it finally happens..

I never had much problems mixing around with friends. but rite now. right now. I have so much difficulties with it.

I had problems with the girls too. Even the girls.. can you imagine how my life is right now?

This class is strange. It eithers have too enthu ppl or too un-enthu ppl.. Its like the xtreme.. I actually wanted to show a few examples of how my class is like but i guess not..

It is un-imaginable.

I am drained and exhausted once again.

My whole entire weekend of resting is gone.

I shall face the strangers and be out of place tmr. Say best of luck for me.

And the only good news is Im in the floorball. At least i see sth worth of my time.

I wasnt that upset. Just feeling out of place.

I dreads school once again.

Im really tired.

Sha la la.

Sha la la.

I'm happy. I got whatever i wanted. I should be contented but life isnt that smooth. Sometimes I do have the fall periods. Actually before today is one. But Im kinda surprised that I feels indifferent nowadays.

I wont get so pissed and angry recently. Even though upsets me but I didnt know why I'm not really that upset actually. I forget it easilly. Its good actually. I think my life now is quite happy.

[[ Thursday ]]

My mother gave me the money and I'm in amore fitness now. going to work out!..

Something cropped up. The list of the permanent class was out and congratuations. No one is in the same class as me. =) And the worst thing. I was posted Econs, maths c and geography. Why geog again? I was running away desperately from geog.. P28 my permanent class.

I leave a note for Hod of physics and he asked me to see Hod of maths the next day first thing in the morning.

I was thinking everything over and over again. Do god want to tell me something? Not to take physics? I didnt know. I didnt want fate to control me but to control my fate. So should I try to take physics or geog? I have no idea. And I head down to Bugis..... Sigh and sign up for the amore fitness..

Head to town with casse and gera.. Kill time at TCC.. laughter time.. and we turn mad in dere.. but it was really funny..

It was questions and questions all over my head..

What should i do?

.. troubled ..

I skipped lessons and lessons. No physics. No economics. No maths. The last lesson i went for physics. I didnt know what he was teaching. I am lagging. Lagging too far behind. I still skipped lessons. It was really peer influence. I am letting every minute. every second. every hour pass.

Everyone is telling me NO. Even i am telling myself NO. but what has gone into me? I feel so upset so angry with myself. but i dont feel like going. And physics. Was god trying to tell me sth? I tried so hard. going thru so many things to get my physics and now i feel as if im throwing physics away.. I told myself.. To study hard for it.. But why? I am a slacker. And i dreamt of great things but those great dreams were never mine.

[[Friday]]

Late for the third time. Mr ganesh was at the gate.. ushering ppl that they were late.. and i didnt care.. slowly i strolled him and i told him I stomache and he told me to take my time.. And everyone hurrying.. running away.. gees~ ppl start to call my hp.. bombarding me with calls.. its urgent.. as if whole world finding me and dere Im trying to conceal myself.. not exactly.. I went to the general office find hod of maths.. she isnt dere so i wanna came back later.. went class.. whole world finding me.. miss aisha wanna talk to me.. and i was called to the general office. was scolded like hell by her. And it makes me having that thought never to stay in YJ. I was terrified. really. and speechless. I went back to class petrified. tears almost dropped but luckilly no. I was changed to P17. and same. no one is with me. physically and as well as mentally.. but its alrite.. its okae..

Alone.. battling these.. I did controlled and my mood was changed.. like wad i say.. no anger..

And i ran out of school at 10+ thru the school's gate.. climbing thru an undergrd drain.. I carnt believe what i did too. I got myself hurt and dirty.. It was fun but i would never do it again.. We went out... and around 4+ i meet with them gera , casse and amy to go for lessons and the lessons so fast.. I carnt catch up.. Hip-Hop.. ya rite.. After tt i bathe and went to meet dem again.. Melissa,Sylvester, khing loon, weijie and weijun.. took loads of neos.. and announce broke..

[[ Saturday which is today ]]

Mum woke me up in the morning. gave me money and ask me to see a doc later on. I realise she did care about me. I only had a sore eye but why is the whole world so concerned.. Im really glad.. comforted that I had friends that care ard me..

I head down to K with gera.. She is finally smiling carnt stop.. Fulfilled her dreams but she is one greedy woman.. sure ask for more.. u give me money.. i go with u.. ;) gees~

And we went to Outram poly clinic but its closed. todays a sat.. anione forgot? And then we went to the OP warehouse sale. got a small bag for myself. Its cheap. I saw a shirt wanted to get for my bro but the queue damn long. In the end I put the shirt back and after the queue isnt that long.. I searched back.. Its gone.. haah.. might as well..

Went to Cityhall.. And espirit to get shirts gera want.. and amy got staff discount so after gera met up with her mum.. she bought tons of things.. I bought a shirt for my mum.. and guess she is happy with it.. gees.. I feel happy too.. My mum is happy. So i am happy too. Thanks amy for ur effort.. I wanna get somemore for my mum but not at espirit lars.. I understand.. She didnt want get any new yr clothes.. and wearing back the old one.. so i am going to buy.. I saw some that would look good on my brother.. and my dad too..

I'm not working and the things i get for dem is always discounted price.. And my mum gave me the doc money. And I thinks i rather buy clothes for dem rather to see a doc for a sore eye.. I don like giving money to doc aniwae.. Okies.. outta here.. Its 3am..

My small episodes of life ends here.

Life goes on..

[[ 26.1.2004. Another stupid day ]]

And my worst nightmare comes..

Mum didnt put the money on table..I know it.. which is i am worrying about..

I was afraid it would come true.. and it did..

I didnt wanna spoil the mood in everyone.. and it was so dissappointing.. guess i did somehow affected..

Dont tell me its okies guys.. Jus sorry......

And my mood was gone.. the whole morning.. I sit down and have my breakfast.. I was gonna be late.. I didnt care.. Normally i couldnt have time to sit down dere and eat.. I would be packing my breakfast and eating on the way to the bus stop etc. but this morning.. Nothing bugs me..

I tear the bread with my mouth and hands.. and i ate everything calmly slowly.. Why am i having such big reaction.. because it is sth i yearns for.. I really wanna go and everything is settled with them.. yet it happens..

It really gets everything on ur nerve when you are down.. It turns out to be alrite.. look things differently i guess..

And i was late.. bloody hell.. i was the few standing in the basketball.. shucks man.. Should i know i should come later when the assemby is over to avoid embarrassment but again.. so what..? Late late lors.

And it was the second/third day i carnt rmb tt well.. that we stayed at the piano table. my god. the whole day and my ears are going crazy. and I didnt like it dere. I carnt play piano. My hands are so funny. stupid and i hadnt had the chance to play. Everyone crowding dere. sighs~

I skipped lessons totally. I didnt go for any. and what i goes to school for?

To get my ears crazy. To skip lectures. To fool around. To play cards. To laugh. To show my mum and dad : HEY IM GOING TO SCHOOL.. To let myself feel tired.. To tolerate some crappings about me. To mix with people i don like. To hang around with FAKES.

and thats why i goes to school for..

The feeling was different. It didnt really attract me to be punctual. to be in class laughing with dem. It was very different from my fellow class and school.

And if you realised. I never be late for school in bss before. It was fun to be in school be in 4e3. They never said things that hurt people. They are nice. They are not fakes. Their jokes were always not hurting and they would apologised once overboard.

I miss the borrowing of maths worksheets from farsana,the talks behind meiping tt she super kan chiong, or the meishenm talking so loud shouting from one end of the class to the another, or phuay hiang talkin bout guys in lit lesson, and the stupid chia ping laughing and jee siao miss lim/miss ngoh with maths, and meenatchi who keep ku ji me stupid girl, and our chairman lixin who always laugh in maths irp, and my worse and crazy partner carmen ong whole day keep crapping and laughing every minute and studyin together, and the mentos-provider - meryl who lives in mars like wad victor whole day say, and the shiqin who also talk so loud and always gossiping during assembly behind me, and zhang ying sho super clever, amanda with her cool attitude with tcher and the hardwork of our treasurer, Did i miss out any? gera.. haiyah need not to say.. understooded. rites gera? erm.. probably my laughing gang and our APA(Anti-prefects association)!! and whole day in lit talk crap with me.. or the sec 3 days bring food go audi secretly eat.. And and and.. the list goes on and on..

Hakim helping me with RV questions.. Hassan teach me physics and also talk crap with me when we sit together.. Siying with his "kuai lan" attitude and his singing of jay songs and his 369!! hahaaha.. Ronald our ah pek with his big big big and sensible theories.. and shiao loong.. whole day ps us for his gf.. ahahaha. and adhi forever so lazy and calling ppl do things for him and had an attitude man.. blehs.. and most of all...Vic~ victor.. our handsome.. his super cold jokes and sometimes funny ones.. he did cheer our class up most of the time.. hees.. and his alien crap story with meryl.. lols....and the many many many more..

I also din know how much im attached to this class. yesterday called dem.. glad they are still the same old irritating peeps. haha. I asked dem to meet up and they all agree and tries to make it.. !!!!

And my mum keeps grumbling.. In the past it probably affects me.. but rites now.. nothing bahs.. Realise she had a precious son.. and im the black sheep of my family.. i never really succeed in doing sth properly and im always messin up things..

[[ 27.1.2004 wads different?]]

I skipped lectures a whole day again. I only went for GP and which is watching the day after tommorrow. Played basketball in the morning.. gRrrr.. I carnt get the ball.. sickening..lols.. but its fun.. I fouled a lot though but i don care and so they don care. cosh they dumb. lols.. wonder wad will eric say if he reads this? stupid eric.. either you and wai kit hit my eye.. any of you.. hahahaa.. I have a swollen eye~ Was thinkin back the days playing basketball with victor they all.. carnt even touch the ball..

And we went to basement library play cards.. and Im the queen of gamblers.. muahahaa..

I'm turning back to the childish days i guess. Rewind rewind and we're back.

Playing childish games today.. so super childish games but its alrite. And eric was afraid of other people seeing but why bother.. Care how ppl look at you for wad..? :p kiddin~ somehow Im glad everyone mixing ard.. but some still don mingle with us.. Its nice to gather as a class.. We dont have much more time as a class together anyway so live life to the fullest..

the day after tomorrow was quite nice and i din see it before so it was quite enjoyable. We went home. had some strong feelings but unable to blog down.. privacy man.. I feel stuck at times.. I was feeling unhappy.. but i have to hold it back..

And I walk a different way. Carnt help and couldnt control.

I'm hestitating again..

Part 2

And forgot to mention an interesting stuff..

I just went out and my mother alr warns me bout going out.. Somemore reach home 10.. wad do u think?

She would surely give me hell... She say school starts better stop going out..

And today its 6.50 day.. how could i let go of the chance..

And i wanted to lie to my mum.. besides today should be having floorball and jus nice the coach fell sick.. so i can go earlier..

And then i went home..

da da da da~

And she asked me where i went?

And It was so simple. She din even scold me and I didnt have to lie. hahas.

I asked her you want to hear the truth or the lies?

"Truth of cos"

"I went out with hedi to watch movie"

"Lies?"

"I went out with hedi to study"

SIMPLE! I think its funny. funny not? lols. lame girl = shiping. whatever~ ciao~

[[ Is it me..? Am i happy now..? ]]

[[ Is it me..? Am i happy now..? ]]

I wonder.

I'm fed up. Well not actually.

It isnt like me. But it is me. So is it me?

You know. In YJ.. I keep going around scolding people.. teasing people.. And slapping people..

It could be quite cartoon and funny. but so far i remember.. I wasnt like this..

I seems fierce, arrogant here.

Was it my true self or was it me changing?

I admit I'm sensitive. sensitive to almost everything around me.

With 4e3.. The girls are more patient and probably portrayed as not unreasonable people with the guys but right now.. i see myself as an unreasonable person.. Do I seems to be?

I carnt believe what i just wrote. I felt exactly what I am now.

I already portrayed myself as a spoilt person.

Am i being too sensitive..?

With victor they all.. gera u know rites.. I aint tt kind of person who would scream at the guys for nothing even though the guys provoke me.. I wouldnt like.. I am tt kind who screams around for some stupid stuff.. but not screaming at the guys.. and they dont purposely provoked me..

Why do i keep screaming at sly.. even though i dont mean to..And cursing at him.. what u believe i slap u not..

yesh and the demure and gentle image i want is no longer dere.

I admit i was chor loh.. Doing things embarrassing myself.. sickening.. blehs.. enough crap.

Caught Shall we dance tonight.. and played arcade.. happilly shopping around.. and i bought almost nothing.. Nothing really catches my eye though..

And guys.. have i changed?

[[ Its the peak ]]

[[ Its the peak ]]

I'm gonna be draggy for this entry but I'm not gonna care.. Its my blog.. my style and everything..

lemme dragged a bit.. yesterday.. my world was falling apart.. and today my world is picking up..

It was near the peak in my world.. But it could be at the bottom the next day.. It is fast.. everchanging so fast.. perhaps ttz life.. with ups and downs.. Let it rise and rise~..

Met up my 10 yrs fren.. cheerios to our 10 yrs of frenship bahs~ and then my brother.. and then amy and gera..~

It was actually all my closest peeps i met today.. such scenarios are really hard to come.. the last is probably on my birthday..?

We talked.. chatted.. It had been quite some time before i met dem.. It was awesome.. The amount of things we talked is continuous... I feel much more comfortable with dems.. It was tt kinda old comfortable feeling back den.. And we walked in the shopping centres.. We were hooked to our conversations.. And i feel natural.. hard to explain.. I need not wear my mask.. I can be myself.. I can be true.. The feelings true and pure..

And i spend quite much on arcades today but it was alrite.. The amount of fun is worth it.. Gera amy and i kill quite much time at coffee club.. updating each others life.. and we were envious of one another.. I'm tired.. drained and exhausted but it was worth it..

And i meet my brother.. went arcade and eat dinner.. It was rather nice to go out with ur fellow siblings.. esp different genders.. And i really like it.. I have to admit.. I love my brother.. hopefully he dont read this.. i know da sao would =).. ur secret.. my secret.. hahas.. It was understood.. and my brother though i hates him at times.. due to the quarrels.. but i hav to admit.. He is my *thumbs up brother.. though he doesnt rather care bout my life.. not interested.. but he treats me if we go out together.. he wasnt working.. didnt have much money though.. but sometimes i treat him too and i like the part hanging up with him till late nights.. or playing computer games with him..and he would buy food for me.. and i would too.. it was countless.. i didnt mind.. to build up relationships with jus a lil bit of money.. sometimes he is full but he will still eat it.. and do you see siblings of diff gender going out together..? It still exists but not often.. And he would come to meet me if he hav the mood to.. and though sometimes i irritates him.. but he rawkz.

I met another brother of mine.. my god brother.. soon kwee in bk.. he is my only god brother i admit now.. the rest was like childish thinkings in the past.. but soon kwee is really nice.. He dotes on me but still the maternal brother is better.. though soon kwee didnt quarrel with me..

The feeling is just so different. cant really compare.

And my 10 years of friend.. We were still arguing yesterday and we were completely fine after a talk.. just a talk.. no matter how hard we quarrel.. After a talk.. We'll be okay.. We will argue until we slammed each other's phone and the next day.. we'll be normal and the argue was never to be mention..

I love my old friends. I feel comfortable. The feeling was just like before. They understood what and how i feels.. What im thinking.. and whatever.. We can make fun of each other and the feeling is just so different from now.. where the "revenges" is so scary.. I carnt explain that.. but in YJ.. Do we build our relationships with all the pack of lies.. the making fun.. the suaning..

I carnt be myself.. I was contradicting myself..I said before that I wanna remove my mask before going in YJ.. to be myself.. I want to remove my mask and be myself in YJ.. but the only 3 weeks in YJ.. make me feels that.. I am not wearing a mask in the old days.. I am wearing one in YJ.. but to be honest.. Its the true me in YJ.. but i carnt be myself at times..

Seriously I am afraid of peeps in YJ.. they are fakes.. I didnt know whether is their true self or what.. Did i offend them..? Sometimes they can suddenly turn their backs and be another person.. I couldnt even figure out whether its a joke or what.. It is unseen.. unheard.. threatening and menacing..

[[ The fading memories ]]

[[ The fading memories ]]
Memories do fade..fading off..fading away..

The people who came in and out of my life.. I try to keep their memories fresh but sometimes no matter how i keep.. It still fades away.. Maybe one day we will meet the person who ever been thru our lives... And i do yearn to ever see the people again.. and for some reasons.. the people would change..

Memories do fade but Fate hold its back.

How could a person still be the same you want dem to be?

Why do i have such a big reaction at this point of time..? I also dunoe. but i suddenly thought of it.. Jus now i went to look back at my photographs. I'm glad.. really glad i have capture all i want in photographs.. though some people i never did have the chance..

I missed everything when i flip thru the photographs.. I have a nice album which i decorated myself and Im pretty proud with it..

I missed Taiwan.I would never forget.Looking at the tour people. I'm glad i knew dem before and it is a sort of fate which blinds us together.

Without fate.I will never knew the people around me.every single one of them. Fate never ends..

I really missed 4e3 and Bss from my bottom of my heart..

When i progress from primary school to secondary school.. I didnt have that feelings in me.. Have i grown up now? to miss the life back then?

In YJ.. Its all strangers and some familiar faces.. The environment is new.. The feelings is very different.. Though sometimes i act childish and i didnt know what to say.. even though in college or maybe University or poly.. people could still remain their own before.. like i say.. theres a child in everyone.. Dont hide that child.. And if u grow really mature.. If you present that child out.. everyone will think its childish.. But look.. we are still young now.. dont u think so?

I still hadnt figure out how to walk in YJ. The feelings is very different.. Yesterday I was sitting outside the staff room waiting for Mr goh.. I remembered the staff room table outside where we used to study.. naturally not at YJ but BSS.. I sat outside dere.. the feelings is very different.. My friends are gone.. Once studying and playing together.. All of them is gone.. The teachers walk in and out.. chit chat with us is all gone.. The teachers are all unfamiliar faces and i stare at the board so long and still couldnt figure who is who.. Where is all my teachers back then? I really admire them.. and probably to the extent of loving them.. yesh and i love my teachers.. I had the best teachers.

I played floorball on friday till around 7.40pm.. The hall where we used to play floorball was re-shaped.. And my once floorball friends were all different.. I teamed with one group of people i couldnt even regconise who is who.. I carnt figure out if they were the opposite team or my team.. And the game continues..

I left the hall.. It was dark and im all alone.. The only reason i stayed to this late by myself is my interest and u can call it passion for floorball though I am not very skilled.. I had no friends.. and the feeling was terrible.. Everyone was in groups.. I was alone and after i start to mix around.. I feel much more better..

Bendemeer used to be dark but i can still grope around in the dark.. there are lights around and i couldnt understand why YJ is so dark and no one bothers to switch on the lights.. In Bendemeer.. There is a sense of warmth.. familiarity in there.. And a sense of belonging..

I basically knew no one dere. Where i knew almost everyone in Bss back then..

I know.. How could i compare.. but i really wished to go back dere.. I feel so much comfortable..

This kind of feeling is really terrible.. probably amy u are right.. When we are used to this kind of environment.. We will have to adapt to another.. Its hard to adapt out of a sudden..

I missed the those kind of comfortable environment and friends..

The people i knew here was basically like wearing a mask.. masquerade.. I do not know dem very well.. and the truth is everyone had some stuff unknown.. Its hard to throw away all that.. and with my old friends.. We neednt wear a mask.. But face with all this people.. It was tough.. I was afraid i offend dem at times.. Why was i apologising to them at times? I didnt wan a difficult life.. Its all strange and awkard here..

I wasnt actually a very nice person.. I offend people at times without me knowing.. I wasnt tt kind of nice people.. I actually asked myself.. why..? Why carnt i be nice? and instead of blurting out those stuff which breaks people heart.. I didnt want to be angry.. I always kept my temper.. I was quite straightforward but at times i wasnt.. who am i actually?

I wasnt that kind of quiet and gentle lady where everyone likes and is popular.. I am also not that kind of being sensible and have no anger..In fact i was very much opposite of it.. But i tries.. I tries hard to fit in to everyone.. I tries hard to be nice..

Its so hard.. Why carnt i be myself? Yes.. I am noisy.. childish.. rough.. uncultured and have attitude problem.. And sometimes I offend people unknowingly.. And why am i degrading myself.. I didnt know why but thats probably the real me..

In fact.. I always admire those kind of people.. Who has their own image yet i keep doing things embarrasing myself.. I had a lot a lot of problems.. Some people never knew.. I hated myself at times.. Why do i keep embarrassing myself.. Im really shameful of myself.. I keep knocking into things.. apologising to people at every minute.. Why am i so clumsy.. And the stupid bag of mine.. I keep knocking into things becos my stupid bag.. I shall get a not so big bag in future.. And why am i blaming my bag.. I had no reasons to do so..

That kind of smart..efficient.. and sporty can never belong to me.. In fact.. I was really inperfect which i had nothing perfect.. I couldnt do a single thing well if you know me well.. I was ruining things all along in my life..

Everyone says..everyone had something which they are good in.. wad? what am i good at? Its all crap....

Why am i so inperfect.I didnt wanna be a perfect person.I know i couldnt but at least let me of 1% of perfect.

Keep going on for perfection. Is there any use at all..?

Perfectionist in progress. hah hah hah.

Get real.

[[ Everything happens for a reason ]]

[[ Everything happens for a reason ]]

Blame no one.when you gain sth, you will lose sth. That isnt call unfair. That is fair.

Whenever I missed a bus or whatever.. i would tell myself.. probably someone in the bus who argue with me for nothing.. or I'll meet some insanes.. or the bus met an accident.. Some would probably thinks i might have been consoling myself.. but I believe it happens for a reason.. God didnt allow me to get to do sth.. He has his own reasons.. I wasnt a christian but i believe in god..

Like for today.. It was a crucial day.. havin been thru ups and downs of life.. Just this day..And look what happens..

I didnt wanna go school.. I was holy hell tired.. I couldnt even pick myself up moreover with tt stupid irritating sickness of mine.. I told my maid im not going for school.. in the end i went.. responsibility.. besides i forgot to bring tt form of mine yesterday and tcher needs by today..

It wasnt exactly a smooth day for me.. Oh btw the form is for ur subject combinations.. I wanna take physics econs and maths c. My physics wasnt approved because i got a B4 for combined science and chem pulled me down.. tcher talked to me.. She needed the forms urgently by 12pm sharp.. Its her duty.. i know tt.. It was already 11.30 when i asked the Physics h.o.d and i got rejected simply bcos i did not have the report book with me. He had his reasons too.

Miss aisha was askin me to take it easy and choose another subject.. what could i choose..? between all the subjects - history geog and lit? no way am i going to do lit again.. And i hate memorising work.. And history is out of the question.. I faced with the last choice.. geography.....

And i failed geog terribly.. I hated geog so much.. And now the only way out is geog.. I broke down.. Why am i forced to the corner to take such a subject i detest so much..? but i had no other choices..

I was repeating "be strong.. shiping is strong" in my mind.. and i believe god didnt want me to take physics because he had his own reasons.. Perhaps i would flung it in As.. I keep giving all sort of reasons to console myself.. It didnt really work well.. I still broke down.. broke down so hard..

I really didnt wanna cry in front of other people.. but i couldnt control.. I didnt like tt sort of eyes on me.. I hid in one corner and consult myself.. In the end.. Kim wee went to me and we talked.. He wasnt tt bad actually.. and he was even more devastated than i do.. Why should i be crying in the first place..? I am really glad for his company during the tormenting hour.. Eventually i cooled down and went back to the library to find the rest.. They saw.. They knew from my reddened eyes..

Why do shiping seems so weak? so vulnerable..? And I'm taking the first 3 months so seriously.. I really do not want to take geography.. Is it good or bad? Something worthy of rejoicing over my seriousness?

Yes and Miss aisha told me i should take things easilly and should open myself up. Okie. I admit I'm a lil stubborn.. In fact a lot.. I really couldnt believe dere wasnt anyway out.. It had been really long since i broke down..

Everyone told me its only the first three months but it wasnt for me.. I don wanna lose out after the first 3 months anyway.. I think i am too worked up somehow..

The rest told me to appeal.. It gave me hope.. I was afraid about the dateline.. It was already way past 12pm.. I went to Miss aisha and She really couldnt help.. She is telling me the same things again.. Take it easy perhaps i could score well in geography..

In the end.. I went up to the vice principal..Mr wong.. He was nice.. And he asked to go home and take my report book for Mr charles goh to look thru.. I was afraid tt if i went home and come back.. Even if he doesnt approve.. It was useless so i called home to check my grades.. and want to ask him whether is it alrite.. And my dad was at home coincidentally.. And i din get to see him.. I waited for very long time and in the end i asked my dad if he can bring down for me.. And he did.. I really had a wonderful father.. I should really appreciate tt instead for complaining of him being naggy.. He didnt asked why i need it for or wad.. And he brought down for me.. when he reached YJ.. He didnt even ask.. He just handed to me.. He knows its important to me.. He understands.. And naturally i told him..He didnt say much.. jus ask me faster go and see the H.o.d. I went back to the staff room and i had waited for him almost an hour? Mr Goh is really very busy.. and in the end.. I went back and saw him.. I told him and he was like kinda impressed.. I went through his boss.. and he say i pressure him with his boss.. hahs and he is a really nice tcher.. He did approved luckilly..

And i believe god set me for a test. I believe god has his reasons. Perhaps i would failed geography badly. It was actually consolation for myself.

I called Miss aisha and apologised.. I caused a lot of problems.. And she was saying shes glad im takin it seriously and perserve but i still take things too hard.. hmmm..

I'm adamant and firm. You can call it stubborn.

I wasnt actually that fond in physics.. But thru this.. I think I will rmb this really hard time appealing for it.. and so even more wanting to excel in physics..

I didnt want to make a thank list or a thank speech..I really appreciate the help.Thanks guys.Thx dAdddEeee.

And guess wad?

dAddddEeee involved in car crash and he didnt went to work which is why he is at home.. and which is why he can hand me my report book.. He wouldnt be at home during normal days..

See guys? Everything happens with a reason.. I'm relieved he didnt get hurt.. and if he does.. I rather i take geography.. When u gain sth.. u lose sth.. perhaps same with the PPC curve in economics. Daddy lose money but he gained her daughter's appreciation and Im really really very happy tt i can take physics instead of geog..

It was like a miracle for me.

I believe in miracles.

I do.

[[ Erased ]]

[[ Erased ]]

I erased my previous entries. erased everything. out of memory. Let me re-start. I think my blog is boring and bothering me way too much.

And all those shall be forgotten.. shall be forgotten..

I missed my friends too much. I missed my ex-class. Dere wouldnt be much more meetings. That day i was lookin thru and saw 4e3 class photo.. I realised how much i missed dem.. And right now everyone is working.. no one had time to catch up on.. and moreover organise an outing..

I hadnt really got used to JC life like wad i thought. Everyday was a tiring day.. Sometimes i really wanna break down but have to keep on holding on.. Tired.. I have no energy to keep moving on.. But i had time to do other stuff.. and cutting on my sleep time.. and everything else..

Sometimes i feel so tired and yet everyone come to disturb me.. it really irritates me.Carnt they just leave me alone..

Hadnt much to blog. I'm floating in my mind rite now. Its blank. I carnt think anymore longer. And I'm sick. Caught with flu, cough and sore throat. whatever. and my voice is hoarse..