the30th'dreamhouse.

whenever i look out of the window,
i can see the30th'dreamhouse.
plus the stars and the night sky.

and all i see is you.

school's starting and i don feel any different or indifferent.
life is like still the same.

and suddenly u are reminded!
today's the 31st.
and school's the 2nd.
and then.. now what?

that kind of empty feeling.
feeling so lost inside.
i only see my goal so faraway.
how am i going on a battle?
what should i bring to the battle?

jus so sick. so tired.

and i got so confused about adults.
they're really so unpredictable at times.
and i dont know what they have in mind.
and what does their brain makes up of?

mum : " ehh tmr u coming down help to work a not?"
shiping : " yeah "; thinking is her actually in fact demanded me to come down. so whats the point of asking?
mum : " then you better wake up early and come down to help!"
shiping : "wad time must i come down?"
mum : "morning la.. must be early! "
shiping thinking again, cant you be more specific? you have the right to say anytime what i cant possible reject also. and then what they are thinking is dont know what dont know how. i come down anytime they will say its late, so im trying to ask a time that you like and then got her irritated.
shiping : "so what time is that?"
mum : "morning..!"
and whats the difference?
shiping " ? "
mum got irritatated. " 7! "
actually seriously do you see a point?
thats why i really don understand wad adults are thinking.

and really don understand why cant they stop yagging?
sighs dont they jus remember i jus gave them a treat?
thought not worth remembering but cant they jus give me some smile for some time.

things that are so hard to understand
1) adults
2) guys
3) dogs (but i don need to understand them)

-the30th'dreamhouse.

my christmas and you.

This year is really different.
the best days of my life.

I had a really unforgettable christmas.

it never felt so beautiful before. christmas.
the perfect season of love.

im loving every simple things we did.

that romantic christmas.

"actually.. love can come so suddenly."

you and my christmas.
my christmas and you.

our christmas eve.

sometimes i really cant help but wonder and think..

who am i to deserve so many people being so nice to me?
i'm not nice at all and why?
it really made me think..
i must do some reflections..

i'm sorry to some few out there.

and its like i really cant think of any good points about me.
i seems like i have none at all.

but whatever it is, i cant be really bothered to think.
wasting brain cells thinking about myself.

yeah had a super memorable party with rfcians.
we had a funniest exchange present party ever.

gift theme: less than 5 bucks, must be as cork as possible.
there are iron board, broom, red bra with drawings, red underwear with a "cai", a big wok cover, a kid urinal bucket, a scooter tyre, a pacifier with a kid toy, a mug with two extra things coming out, a vitasoy with peanuts inside and a 4d toto, a car air freshener and a tv cable, a mopiko.

attire: kiddish.
kentoh wearing his self drawn kiddish shirt with a spongebob watch with two cute bunds out.
jerry wearing the incredible shirt with one bund of hair out.
shiping wearing a mickey mouse shirt with hair plaited.
peipei wearing a tigger shirt with hair plaited.
jun nan wearing a wallace and gromit shirt with two bund of hair out.
paulin wearing a damn kiddish pyjamas with two ponytail and a row of kiddish hairclips.
shiqi wearing a long kiddish pyjamas dress.
shengyu with his own designed kiddish shirt with a 3D soft toy bulging out.
ck with non kiddish attire (got supersoaker-ing like hell and rape cos plus hes late)
karwei with non kiddish attire (same conclusion)
roger with his non kiddish attire as well plus being late (same conclusion?)
zebelty late with ah lian attire (forgiven due to her saying " i going club later i will really cry if you spray" )

and it lasted frm 8pm to all the way to 3+am at our favourite place where we called it the STADIUM!

it was fun and we made prank calls at 2am.. and it was really damn cork.. i think i laugh until cannot take it already.. the joke ended and im still laughing..

we visited an abandoned block and i am really frightened and tears came out without control bcos someone suddenly screamed. we went up the block only to the 2nd level and went only into a house with the doors open.
and then after that im like traumatised.

loving this eve.

this christmas.
garden festival.
guardian angel.
north pole.
let it snow let it snow.

simple family christmas.

"WHEEEEeee OMG you're so shuai.. HANDSOME!"

and then i got punched right in my stomach.
thats shiping being sarcastic at my botak brother.

my brother is back. =D


Its rather heartwarming. seriously it is.

to see one father one son sitting on newspaper outside the house near the corridor polishing the son's army boots.

yeah and my brother is finally back for the first time in army.
and its really heartwarming. very sweet to see such a sight.
the sweet and never stop smiling smiles on my empress and emperor face.
talking and talking and polishing and polishing.

i feel happy too.
i dont know why but today's a great day.

one whole family together.
for a moment, i feel like crying bcos im really glad.

let this moment last alright.

a really simple christmas.

without any christmas trees or decorations.
not any christmas mood in the house.
but having them all made my christmas real happy.

I hadnt had this feeling for a very long time.
our family. been busy with each's life.
it really is so heartwarming that i feel like tearing.
im so touched.

those unspoken happiness.
i love them hell lots!

i'm starting to love this year christmas.
though not for the past 16 christmas.

Went working at my mum's shop today.. simply bcos i don know what stupid festival it is.. don understand why must got wad chu yi si wu.. make me half dead only.. x.x

woke up real early at 6 you know. trying to grope around in the dark and my eyes are only half wided. but i recalled how my mum the empress scolded me last night. so i woke up damn reluctantly. and im feeling damn tired. i got totally no energy. and i really feel like sleeping now.

and this morning was a total wow. the customers damn damn damn a lot and im totally shocked. some customers went off without waiting for the drinks they ordered because its super long. we got no choice alright. and i feel like im a clown entertaining some customers as they kept laughing at me running here and there panicking here and there.

and i realised sth. why are adults so paranoid? they are like so kanchiong and they cant even relax. the more you panick, the more god knows wad might happen. and when they start to kanchiong to panic, we would get scolded. maybe you haven came across this scenario yet but its terrible. and adults are like so omg. i don even know wad to describe. you really see all kinds of customers. and im complaining to myself all day long and even making myself so unhappy. i feel just so irritated when everything's so complicated. the whole situation is like in chaos. and then i began to think, we have a choice to complain complain or to stay positive. so i tried, and it was like so much better for me. i felt more relaxed and even more happier. and i was there talking cork with my dad! it was really damn funny. he was trying to act out how my mum scold me last night. omg and hes like imitating her actions and reading her lines. and im trying to act like mum scolding him. it turned out super funny. but we kept a secret between ourselves, in case empress know and im gone!

Empress is actually a very efficicient and has fast reflexes but im giving a big no no to what shes doing. she should learn to relax but if i tell her that i probably get killed. With empress around, everything seems to be going smoothly but she should not be in such a big fury. it harms yourself, mum! plus she has high cholestrol right. and whenever i said shes fierce, she will say " you think i like to scold people ah? " but actually shes a fantastic and great mother. understanding at times but just get too panicky at times. and i really love her. my empress and my emperor. and actually i do love talking to them always.

I am real tired. my mind is like shutting down.

just some points to note for tdy.

sighs i don know am i being sensitive but not very close friends came up and ask me how am i doing? and i didnt really wanna talk to them. they probably would laugh since they turn one big round and ask me if i promote. wanted to ignore them. i wouldnt really care much lah. but i jus feel so scary. how come no one seems real anymore?

i rather you showed me the true and pure form of yourself, people.

-got really tired. just someone please?

love

if only love was so sweet like the television programmes or the movies.

remember to forget

remember to forget.

this christmas.

I'm not sure why or whats wrong.
I am feeling uncomfortable all day long.
Days never seemed so long before.
Hours never seemed so long before.
Even seconds never seemed so long before.
and im leading a ZBL life with rfcians and friends all day long.
Why am i even feeling so ZBL?
waiting waiting and waiting.
Maybe i got no work nowadays and everyday like some jobless shit waiting for one day and one day to pass by.

I feel quite helpless at times.
Maybe i do need somewhere to land on right now.

My life like quite meaningless.
maybe pinning for christmas to come.
that really really sweet and romantic day.
dont know why but it made people feel happy as well.

waiting waiting and waiting.

so far yet so near.
we had closen up the distance.
you're like in my heart.
i can almost feel you.

distance is you walk past me.
i like this sentence a lot because its very true.
it isnt just what million miles apart away
but when someone near yet cant feel you..
thats distance.

Theres many things i want to do this christmas.

One simple song

What kind of present will let people remember it forever?

A simple yet beautiful present from you.

like

i get happy whenever night falls bcos it signifies another day nearer to get to see you.

12thjuly2005

And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more.

17/12/2005.
Everything ended.

I'm sorry. its just 5 days away from christmas.

I decided to be decisive.
I hope one day you will understand why i did this.
Yes. that moment i told you i will never let you go.
and i really felt like that at that moment.

but i thought over and over.

I am clear what i want to do.
This time i cannot be so indecisive.
I know for the past 5 months, we had our ups and downs.

Each time we held on.
Until i dont know what is it like.
Hold on and hold on despite it hurts.
all because of one thing- love.

but maybe until duno when,
i realised everything should not be like that.
holding on might not be the best solution.
and hold on for too long, we will get tired.

sometimes, letting go will be better too.
everything' gonna be alright.

sorry for causing you all this.
thanks for respecting my decision.

maybe feelings would turn bland.
i dont like to argue over small lil things again.

that 5 months. thanks.
really thanks.

i did fell in love with you.

maybe after all these,
i realised that our r/s was a beautiful one.
but i didnt regret my decision.

i really thought over past few weeks.
i jus didnt have the courage to face all these.
i dont know if i can really let go.
i am afraid to choose this path.
i am afraid to regret.

you're still the same.
maybe i moved on already.
i took time. i understood everything.

thanks. you showed me a form of happiness that i cannot find alone.
but i believed i can in future. i would be happy.
and i wished you for your happiness as well.

you would find someone so much better.
someone who can really understand you and not someone who keep complaining and arguing.

i didnt expect all these as well. i didnt plan.
i thought over and over again and again.

i would feel lonely but maybe thats what i deserved it.
maybe i should find somewhere for me to land on.
but i believed i can do it myself. i will be fine.

of course, these memories would stick to me.
all the memories.. really beautiful..
thanks again for letting me realise many things.
letting me know the feeling of love.

i will still miss you.
maybe if one day under different sky,
i can still be your friend.
and you will be that unknown i known.
that would be the best.

you will definitely be the best lawyer.

12thJuly2005- you touched my soul.

relieve your dreams again.

and one day, i hope you can find back your love for soccer.
by playing on the green field again.
and be the gerrard on the field again.

and i had always love watching you play.

______________________________________________________________

I didnt feel anything right now.
everything feels calm and peaceful.

Met up with kenneth and gera for lunch today.
and everything ended already.
saw ting and amy.
everyone still the same i guess.

supposed to be meeting ruis, ameee and joanne today.
and then we forgot and then ameee told me its 4 at cityhall.
but no one told me its tomorrow and not today.

hahha and i really felt i am dumb.

i reached cityhall but im meeting no one.
and then i alight at opposite of fullerton after i recover from the shock
hahha and then i walked along the sea.
sounds sad right?

perhaps i need some time along to think about.

it was raining and a song strike me..

feels like im walking in the rain..
i find myself trying to wash away the pain
cause i need you to give me some shelter
cause im fading away.

the song i always sang whenever it was raining.
the memories.

sitting by the window, singing songs of love.. wishing you were here because the memory's not enough.. wear my mask in silence, pretending I'm alright.. if you could see then you would be here standing by my side..

if only you were here earlier.

And i probably looked stupid walking in the rain watching the sea.
and looking damn dramatic ha ha ha..

walking from the merlion to esplanade.
and walking down the stairs.
damn and shiping fell.
like rolled down the stairs.
and my butt still hurts until now.
go ahead and laugh lar!!
i looked damn pathetic.
people staring and a lot of omgs.
like for that moment, my legs unable to move.

feels like im in drama sia.
feels pathetic.

had the talk with gera and kenneth.
really. lose the courage to trust guys again.
dont know when they are really true.
dont know if they mean what they say.
and if they're real.

and im not sure what im waiting for but i dont want to know more.

are you real?

are you real?

Falling

Yeah yeah.. oh hmm I don't know how.. I don't know why but it seems you've touched my life.. you're in my dreams.. you're in my heart.. I'm not myself when we're apart.. Something strange has come over me.. a raging wind across my seas.. and you know that your eyes are to blame.. and what am I supposed to do if i can't get over you.. I come to find that you don't feel the same.. cos I'm falling, falling.. I'm falling for you and I pray your falling too.. I've been falling falling.. Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you.. I lose my step.. I lose my ground.. I lose myself when you're around.. I'm holding on for my life..to keep from drowning in your eyes.. what have you done to me? to make me fall so desperately.. No, no.. How am I supposed to live if i can't get over this?

Falling. Fallen all apart.
I shant be like paulin. the above is a song lyrics. hahha. =D

What are you thinking?

Now gera, it isnt a really fantastic thing to have all the lucks.
you get all the troubles.

but i really don know how..
im totally lost.

what am i thinking all about?
what am i really thinking?

One whole week of mental challenge.

Whats my conclusion?

hate myself

I hate myself sometimes.
hate that so indecisive me.
why cant i be more decisive and decide what i wanna do where i wanna go what i choose to do.

i always can tell ppl easilly... follow your heart.. do what you want..
but the problem is i dont know what i want..

what do i really want?
where do i wanna go?

anyone can tell me?
I really hate me right now.

and the one who goes around hurting people..
because i dont know what i want..
i really hate myself..

I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead.
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things you said.

I dont know what it meant.
but i dont wanna think anymore.

crazy

amazed at myself.
i even thought im crazy.

different

perfect morning.
fresh air.
im feeling better too.

stay innocent

has the world changed
what kind of gracious society are we cultivating
have people turned selfish and arrogrant
have we become more materialistic and ignoring people's feelings

can we still stay innocent
is that still possible

rants.

a week of work. phew and past.

getting more and more lovin my job!

anyone wanna sign up for ocbc credit cards?

too bad. i made a dumb choice. going back to b.u.m equip.and my first day today is a total flop. the people messed up my entire mood. but lucky i went off earlier. but i really detest the people there. they are unfriendly and irritating. moreover, nosey and in the end unreasonable. lucky for me, andy says hes nt gonna put me there anymore. i overheard a customer talking to another customer. i hate the promoters here. they are so rude and so unhelpful. couldnt be me right. its only my first one and last day here. i said bye! to hell you people. i really got freaking irritated. no one to talk to. the people are so unfriendly. i couldnt even smile in here. i called up andy and andy allow me to off but the staff there refused and as they hold my ez link. what the heck. i never seen such rude and unreasonable staff. c'mon you guys are not the ones paying me. and even andy tell me jus walk off. i wished i could but they got my ez link as hostage. i am really furious and then i tried to speak to them and they simply ignored. they said i come late and go off early. yes i admit a little late but very late cos i cant find that dumb place alright. i really ren gou le! shou gou le! i attitude-d them but they didnt even bother. they called up andy and complained about me. they said sales very good. but c'mon, we all know b.u.m sales is horrible. i stand there whole day serve every customer i can but i only got 2 tee shirts for a customer. i couldnt tolerate anymore. they are trash. shit. i never seen such unreasonable people. anyway not locals. maybe they're like that. i got really fucking irritated. i am forced to stay. can you believe this? they're not even my boss and im not going to step into that bloody shopping place ever again. not mentioning the company alright. i don want to get into any shit. today i take it as my really really unlucky day. fucking pissed. complained and even show me your attitude. what is that man. i really feel like burn down the damn building.

alright. i said my piece and im feeling so much better.. alright!

rants!

and of cos laugh the night thru with fellow rfcians. they never fail to make me laugh and you know you people cant shut my laughter off. =)

and i start to like working at ocbc even though its tougher challenging and tiring.

the people there are friendly and we can talk a lot of craps. hahha start to miss them already!

and im determined to get and more cards.
this kind of unspoken's satisfaction really can makes me go on and happy.
im motivated and i feel i learn a lot about credit cards.
and i feel im in the business circle already.
and this job is professional to me.
a more high level job than b.u.m seriously.

i am confident of more work opportunity.

sir/mdm, are you interested in signing for our ocbc robinson visa card? you can use in robinson, marks and spencers and john little. what good about this card is you get 5% annual rebate on things you buy and especially you get discounts on items in the stores. if let say there is a sale, you get to store points and to reedem more stuff. and if you sign up now. you can get our free gifts right now. not even need on approval ah! and this card is very good. i got a lot of customers who like this card because of the stores here. do you know now there's a john little sale right now and this card can have more discounts on top of the sale. robinson is a very big company and they will be having sales quite often. if now you cant use the card but in future, it happens again. why not give it a try? its one year free and by that time, if you don like it, cancellation fee is also free ah! no problem. and there is a lot benefits about this card, like you get motoring privildeges and even free alteration if you buy clothes in robinson. so don hestitate already. jus sign up now! if you are rushing for time, i can help you write the form and you just give me your i/c and i will photocopy and thats it. sir/mdm are you an existing customer? if yes right even faster you can sign up. you dont have to send in your income documents like cpf report and etc again. so why not give it a try? if you dont like this card, dont worry.. we still have other cards.

how about the genetric card? its 3 years free.................................................................

LOL.
today's crappy entry.

kk getting out of here. rants.

the figure always at the com

It is amazing.

The strong-like character outside me actually admit defeat.

All these days had been complaining and whining about going all the way to tekong for sending my brother off. I kept saying no need ask me go all the way to tekong. wasting time only and its not like i wouldnt see him ever again. and i keep complaining that mum forced me to go. and i really dont wish to go because its troublesome.

and i went today.

i took it as a form of experience and realised many things.

I even went on thinking what if im enlisted for army.. who would go to send me off?
but there is only 5 tickets. and then am i gonna shout yes sir and swear my oath.
and to endure all kinds of tortures.. so many obstacles.

and it is already a big step to a different life..
a boy to a man. to manhood.

I kept thinking. I am not upset either.
It is a path that all man must go through.
This is life. and my very own brother must go thru as well.

But the fact is my own brother.
From a noisy childish crazy funny boy..
what is he gonna change to?

I rather he keep disturbing me sometimes actually.

Wondering how could he adapt to all these hardships.
How have he cope?

He wasnt always away not at home.
and probably the first time hes going on a different route.
so long from my family.
wondering what could it have change.

i am having many different mixed feelings.
how is it gonna be different?

went home. pitch darkness.
I didnt bring my keys with me.

but right now.
there isnt this figure who always sit at the com.
the figure who would take a long time to open the door
the figure who would complain non stop about me with no keys
the figure who will stomp his feets to the door and show me attitude.
the figure who never off his computer and slowing my internet speed down.

many many images of this figure in the house.

somehow feeling different in this empty dark house.
some presence of that figure in the house would not make the house so empty so dark.

hahha and the figure is at tekong training for 6 packs!
I wonder will he really get that a not.. LETS SEE!! hahha

the figure at the computer isnt there anymore.

those eyes.

those eyes.

i feel like im a failure.
what he said makes me understood clearly.
I guess I am one.

joy

joy can be shared.
joy needs to go thru processes
joy can always be remembered.

Cos what memories left are always beautiful ones.

you're your own author.
Whats the point of writing a difficult script.
dont blame me for saying too much.
i only dont want you to be unhappy

being loved should have happiness
loving somebody is not so dumb as imagined.
love can be very innocent.

because love is linked with life.

you ask me how come im like god
how to get all these knowledge

loving you brought me joy.
it brought me to a rare lesson

will be satisfied if you're happy.
salted fish and white vegetables also tastes great

you and me will go through thick and thin
need you every minute
you're like the sunshine the air

loving you let me known happiness
it brought me to a rare lesson

simple yet beautiful.

Take care. =

my stubborness.
your sadness.
our silence.

I'm sorry.
but we have to learnt slowly.
and to take it slowly.

today's my first day of work after 1 week of break

it was at that dumb expo again.
an hour journey. argh.

but i hadnt got any choice.
i cant find a better job or a permanent one.

i think i better chop off my hands asap.
if not i keep on pay by nets.
that money will sure be gone if my hands are still there.

i havent recieve my pay and im spending like that.
gonna go nuts already.

was at the john little sale and the things there are real cheap.

bought a crocodile polo tee for my dad.
to me, its expensive.
but when i gave him the tee.
everything was worth it.

something i like.
everything so simple yet so beautiful.

put that smile across his face.

its worth it.

and it put a smile across my face too.
am happy.

simple yet beautiful.

recently..
went out with mel,zzl,weijie,sly and one ah qua.
reminisce the days.

still as lame as ever.
am glad we still do catchin ups.
the first three month days are still alive.

we caught rock school and it was a DOCUMENTARY show for god sake
it wasnt at least interesting.
it was interviews and talks and we didnt even know.
and we thought it was a movie preview so we're wondering when's the movie starting.
i fell asleep and the guys couldnt take it anymore so we're out.

then i really dont get it so i went to ask.
and then we got free tics.
because we were not told it was a documentaryshow.
and then from the banner,
who would know it is one dumb show.

and then we fight for our rights.
and got free tics for Aeon Flux.
wow the show was quite thrilling.
not too bad.
at first was quite "what the show talking about"
and then understood.
was rather impressive.

im feeling not upset not happy about anything right now.
still quite upset over the retain thing.
but i accepted the fact.

other matters cant think so much.

hedi! im happy for you! =D
gera! be strong okay! =)
carmen! stop drama-ing lar! ;)
casse! don so demanding! :)
rfc! rock on la! =P

ruz, stay alive. as always. (:

midnight sadness

what am i still doing here.

cant get to sleep anymore.

why am i like that.
even me myself cant stand me right now.

can anyone make me feel happier
right now.

can anyone get rid of the sadness
right now

can anyone keep me from lonliness
right now

i don understand why would i become like that.

i feeling so lost.
every single thing.

i never succeed anything.
with no accomplishments.

national university of singapore.
all my dreams there.
eversince i am young, it had been my goal.
what happened to me.
why there is no longer a fighting spirit within me.
i seems like losing my will to survive.

people asked me.
its really hard to face all this kind of shit.
it was okay starting but getting hell in the end.

all i see is people doing well in poly.
people promoting. people going university.
i looked so lowly compared to the rest.
i dont know how to answer to their questions.

my neighbours had even gone to university already.
my cousins doing so well in universities and so on.
they graduated. i cant even promote.

i don know why but everyone asked me. tons.
when working at my mum's shop, uncles aunties.
reaching home, neighbours.
and i cant imagine all my aunties' talk and thinkings.

why?

I totally lost it all.
its getting heavy these days.
im sorry if my attitude is horrible.

cant anyone relieve the pain i feel inside.

the society. and everyone.
how am i gonna face everyone.

i never felt anyone's concern on my academic issues.
especially the elders.
all i ever feel was them pretending.

cut out all the fake smiles.
i hate living in this world.
no one seems to be real.
dont pretend anymore.

spare me, alright.

im totally alright in the day.
but it comes to night, i cant take it anymore.

regrets

came across some show on the tv.

a girl lost something precious.
the guy told her.
it would be waiting somewhere for you to find it.

and i thought this sentence is really very beautiful.

afterall, in life we came across many things.
we lost it. we find it.
if we kept this thought in mind,
we would probably never give up and continue searching for it.

and what about me.

i am upset. right now.
can i go into hiding too

can you find me too?

i will be waiting somewhere for you to find me.
and would you know where to find me if im upset?

i kept my phone in some box in my house.
i dont want it anymore. at least for this moment.
if i put it somewhere it can be seen.
if i see it, my heart would hurt somewhere.
waiting for your message. waiting.
and waiting hurts. hurts a lot.
ask me why cant i message you first.
i wanna try see if you can find me again.
i might seems childish.
but if you dont see your phone,
you probably wont miss it.
you wont keep checking.
and you feel at ease.

let me feel peace.

the strangest thing is in the noon.
i was really damn bored.
my boredom is my lonliness.
i feel lonely when im bored.
hav you guys felt this way before?

i don have a chance to say leave me alone.
because im all alone.

and i wanna make myself feel comfortable.

and when you're bored, you're lonely.
and when you're lonely,
everything comes into you.

you think of everything that had happen.

shiping hates boredom.
cos i hate to be lonely.

no one likes it anyway.

i did in fact reflect everything.
in my past 17 years of life.
what i did.
i am regretting it.

i hate regrets.
i told myself before.
when im 16. i hate regrets.
i told myself not to regret and i didnt.
i overcome myself.

and this entire year, i didnt reflect.
i totally did not even think this year.
i am regretting.
i wasted a year.

people getting on. moving on.
and im staying back.
im on the spot not moving.

i am back where i stood at 16.
i cant afford to waste anymore time.

this time, i walk my own path.
and i dont wanna regret anymore.

envying others.

look at me.
im what failure describes.

not because i did not study harder.
i did not think.
i am defeated because of myself.

what am i thinking back then?

no more regrets.

one more time, watch me.

-

I had this damn voice gging in my mind.
telling me what to do.

I had this damn feeling gging inside me.
feeling so lost.
so unfair.
so angry.
so upset.
so insecure.
so tired.
so lonely.
so pathetic.

I am defeated.
defeated to myself for this kind of thinking.
putting myself down.

the only reason girls are so demanding is because they want guys to care for them.
and guys happen to not understand what the hell girls are thinking
and girls don understand why carnt guys think what they are thinking.
and everything goes so complicated.
simply because guys and girls are different.

maybe right now..

im living each day with no aim..
with nothing in mind.. with nothing to do..
aimless.. not like a human..
no motivation..

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