RUMOURS

can kill and hurt.


3rd day of 32 days.

PARANOIA

sports and gym seems to be our top interests nowadays. after throwing all the books aside, everything seems so relaxed. the fast-paced tensed up life seems to be gone. only for the J2s. I really hope that it ends fast. so we can share the carefree life, like once before.

sometimes, life's so contradicting. i hate contradictions. but i just simply cant make up my mind. yes im fickle. sigh. for that, i always seem to get stuck easilly. maybe i should try to play pretend. maybe its better for me.

I think its my turn to be on medication. maybe i should take some anti-paranoia pills.

if i lay here, if i just lay here
would you lay with me and just forget the world

if ever a day comes, if ever i couldnt take it anymore
i would have the urge to leave and never return

Come back down

Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
and everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide

All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, that you are tired
Carrying the ones you lost
A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside

I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it
When you come around
From time to time we all are blinded
You're coming back down
You don't have to tell me what you're feeling
I know what you're going through
I won't be the one that lets go of you

I think it's time to just move on
When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through



*for the depressed and stressed.

its all clearly shown 

The emo time 

on the bus! =D 

we are at the sea! nice background uh! 

Ffffff

today is really not my day.

prison break

im totally addicted to prison break. this video shows the strong brotherly love between them. and michael scofield is damn cool. =Ppp ENJOY!

radio

hadnt been here for quite some time. really had a great day today. although there were tears and emo times. i guess the laughter covers it all up. went to east coast park with the whole gang. pei, roger, shengyu, xuanyi, kemp, nicholas, desmond, soonkuey, jwo and meryl (she skipped school sshhhh) and pearlene didnt turn up! oh yes weijun came over. (sorry weijun!)

ecp is really beautiful somehow. hadnt been there for damn long. i was left alone by myself to cool and calm down. it didnt get worst at all. i went back to them all back to normal. i guess i admit it had died on me after 6 years. im sorry guys for shocking you all. i really couldnt take it that it had just died when it accompany me through nights for 6 years. and moreover, its priceless. someone special just got it for me. somehow i didnt get what a crybaby should get. yeah and perhaps it made me stand on myself. im supposed to get very upset and missing for hours. but i didnt. ecp just make me dont feel like spoiling my day. thanks all.

Highlights of the day?
1) when we reached, we ate pei's mum bee hoon. the luncheon meat got stuck somehow -.-
2) we played dai dee and desmond, sk and roger were 3 against 1 and they disturbed me >.<
3) the rain came. my radio got wet not because of the rain )=
4) beach soccer. its damn fun. the best moments =D
5) swimming with kemp, monk and pei. i won the 2! and pei was dragged down the pool for one minute and the guy came to say pool is closed for the day ;)
6) learning soccer from roger. guess he got fed up. sorry! =7) memories of OBS came back. we lay on the mat, talk and watch the night sky. =]
8) walking to get a cab. trying to carry meryl on her back. was laughing like mad. the blowing of bubbles and everything =Ppp

so they all went meryl house for stayover. saddening. when can i ever do that. sighh. it will sure be damn fun. papa, when will i be able to stay over? the reason is clear; i just like hanging out with them and at night is the craziest moments.

somehow i thought about physics and it didnt affect me a lot. probably ecp doesnt seem that sad afterall. somehow 1 month this time last year, ecp looks very sad.

but im really damn upset.
would you understand?
dont make me feel worse anymore.

no more radio.
the nights would be quiet.






complicating thoughts. thoughts that almost kill me. the feelings came like a deja vu. weird and complicated. i still didnt figure it out. everything was just so sudden. i didnt have time to figure out. i guess im a very impatient and rash person. i seldom think much and go with the flow. its killing me. i felt what i thought. is that really true. i dont understand. why do i have to make life complicating for myself. but i couldnt control my thought. i dont know what exactly is it all about. what about myself. what am i thinking. why do i feel so. why do i feel like i felt differently. why. i couldnt stop myself to think. sophiscated thoughts. thats the 3rd thing that is in my list of worries. why couldnt i exert some self-control. to prevent myself to hurt. pointless. i cant figure out what am i thinking and feeling.

PEARL's TAG GAME

OMG I DONT KNOW WHY AM I DOING THIS? PEARLENE I FEEL DAMN SUAY AND LIKE WHY SHOULD I EVEN GO TO YOUR BLOG IN THE FIRST PLACE AND TAG! AUNTIE IS GOING TO KILL ME! okay for your sake. ALRIGHT!

I've been tagged by PEARLENE OBVIOUSLY.

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about their perfect lover. Tag 4 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying that they've been tagged.

perfect lover? actually i dont believe in this kind. like you never know what kind of people you will meet. okay nvm. lets pretend we are still secondary school girls.

1) SOCCER - totally love guys who play soccer. but it doesnt matter. as long you do sports, its okay. hah im same with pearlene. i dont like guys who look sick.

2) HUMOUROUS - hah! humourous funny guys are always better able to attract my attention. I just like to laugh all day long.

3) SHIPING-ALIKE - aye just able to click well. like same frequency and some common interests.

4) RANDOM - actually i just prefer guys who know to care and know about feelings and all. i dont like guys who play girls who treat girls like shit who are not serious who are toying their feelings who have only themselves in their eyes who has no opinion at all who doesnt listen

5) CHARACTER - needless to explain. everyone has a different character. depends.

6) maybe TALL? - although im quite short but tallies for guys just look good.

7) INTERESTS? - maybe not computer freaks ( like my brother whole day 24hrs only sit in front of his computer = no life) and defintely no girly interests.

8) i dont know what to put. urmm UNDERSTANDING! as in able to understand me and communicate well? i dont know. its so hard.

and anyway, its so hard to come up with a list. its so hard to judge guys like that. it is so hard to tell. i cant predict if i would fall for any guy that comes by.

squeezing my brains dry. im off.

Tears and rain.

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.




this song's meaningful and from kenneth lim zhi wei hahha. thanks for trying to cheer me up at least. =P but you always suck at this job. oops. hah. i still believe in you dont worry =)

felt much today. like always. thoughts can really kill. i feel so depressing so stressed up recently. i always wonder why is it me? there are many things that i cant seem to get rid of. these days i felt like i've gone the wrong path wrong route. im so lost. i feel like quitting school nowadays. it doesnt matter who i have met actually. everythings like a illusion. i dont feel lost for not meeting the people i currently know. but its all the same. i'll meet another pack of people elsewhere. sometimes its so hard to trust people. theres like nothing to believe in. why do i feel so? everything is just coming to me. cant be bothered. im just going to spend my few days studying and the rest of the year aimlessly.

ARGH! feel so frustrating.

WHERES MY GUARDIAN ANGEL? aint he there to protect me.

who's left in this battle?
the battle of trust.
the battle of real.
the battle of true.

lets waste time

lets waste time;

if I just lay here; would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

ARGHHHHHHH! stress level is at maximum.

dont know why but snow patrol's chasing cars is damn addictive. i kept repeating the song in my com nowadays.

lets waste time. chasing cars.

I am damn shagged. i drank 2 cans of coffee everyday. slept the earliest at one. and off to school. but im enjoying the night to myself. the midnight madness. its quite fun talking monk and roger last night at one plus. i totally love the idea of prata-ing but too bad. im confined. because of daddy law number #231656456 that my legal age for after 12am is 21years. but last night it makes me so excited. next time okay guys? when we get into university! promise.

plugged in and ready to fall.

i feel so complaining. i think i better get off to study. no time to chase cars.

i want my freedom badly. i can go totally chaotic soon. very soon. next thursday. it will be over and done with. hurry up.

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life




chasing cars.

Famous people

S.P.EINSTEIN (1988-?)

S.Y.HUGES (1988-?)

R.O. MARX (1988-?)

S.P.SMITH (1988-?)

S.P.SHAKESPEARE (1988-?)

Chicago

I thought it was quite mean to give comments that might hurt feelings. even though it might spur them on more or ask them to wake up. it is just so mean to do that. as people, i think we should give encouragement as much as we can. its free to make a smile on people's face or at least a consolation. everyone has their own dreams and i think no matter how great we are, we should at least be reasonable. be humane. we should not just dashed their dreams their hopes like that. i just feel sad. i can almost feel their hope gone. just because someone just put them off and cut away their dreams. their live long dreams.

now i see why people usually end up with a reality totally different from their dreams.

especially when people have their own dreams. they know where they should walk to. so we should not destroy them and their dreams. only they have the power to do so.

sigh. i think i know that kind of disappointment they get. it always happen so. it makes us stronger i agree but it just so sucks. at least the most we can do is not to destroy their little bit of confidence.

Chasing Cars

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars

Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

colours and lights

somehow i've got different feelings today. like you lost some kind of feeling you had before. and you can never get it back.

really am grateful to my tyar, the bestest friend that i can ever find in the world. she spent effort for a surprise and it didnt turn out bad at all. i was really touched to see all her efforts and thanks so much for my day. we went down ytd night to play sparkles, lanterns and candles. mid autumn festival. i love the carrying lantern and walk all the way to the swing part. the haze didnt keep us away. thanks for your stupid lie as usual. thanks old pal. thanks hedi.

and next up, nanny. i know you spend great effort thinking of what to get for me too. i know that feeling. thanks so much. and i really love whatever you gave me. thanks for making today my day. thanks for being there as always and being so worried over me. thanks for giving me such a wonderful day. thanks always. for whatever things you have done and every single thing. somehow that funny feeling didnt turn quite right today. i actually was thinking i never wanted to know my present. the feeling of damn curious really make me feel different. feelings i never had before. the special one forever.

and my bestest friend in YJ, pei! thanks for getting such a wonderful gift for me. thanks for being me and knowing what would i like. and the effort you've gone to. i really love the card from you. it really warms my heart. really dont know what to say but a big thank you. i'm really touched. as always dear friend.

thanks president for working 28.5714285714285714285714287142857 hours for the chip-in.

thanks desmond, denise, ck, monk, roger for the stuffs and chocolates. i know you guys still love me even though im so irritating. hahahahahahahahahah! i love you guys too! =) thanks for the sincerity and the effort.

thanks rfc for being rfc.

thanks mum and dad. mum for being the backstage crew. who silently gave me 50bucks for spending and allowing me to be out whole day and she's still smiling at home just hoping that i would have fun. thanks dad for the most expensive present ever. to allow me for the penang trip and the 400bucks and the fetching me to the bus stop always.

thanks brother and da sao. thanks brother for that miserable chocolate stupid shit. hahahah thanks.

thanks carmen and zm, for the regards and wellwishes.
thanks gera for not forgetting me.
thanks meryl, pearlene for talking to me always.
thanks bimbos, gary and christine for the damn cute birthday card.
thanks jiahui for the dying candles.

thanks everyone for coming out today.
thanks everyone for trying to come out today.
thanks everyone for wishing me.
thanks thanks.

despite the haze, my life's still as colourful and bright.
but the haze feels so in paradise. like i'm flying.

i'll be the greatest fan of your life.
i'll be.
never revealing that day.
be captivated.

and yes i had my Ben and Jerry's. =)
i'm eighteeeeeeeeeeeeeeen now.