and we saw MLB! damn talented (: 

my small little carousel spinning in my small little garden festival in paragon! 

A sunshine day out to town with po po ma ma hedi hohohohoo! HEDI; SHOOT! hohohoho! HEDI! GOAL! haahahaha! (; 

the 30th' dreamhouse.

finally watch finish full house after days. sighhhh. yeap nice show. anyway i am left damn envious of the house.

what will my dream house be like? today i sat on the non-air con bus at my favourite seat. it was damn cooling. anyway i thought about it. how nice to have your own personal space and making it yours only. you know, ever since my grandmother moved in my house, i gave up my room for her and im left with little corners here there in the house. it doesnt really affect me much but a little disappointed at not being to decorate my space. i personalise my corners a lot. my mother always say next time grow up then buy your own house and decorate lah. yeap thats not the point. but you know personalising your room feels good. feels comfortable. it just derive me the opportunity to do so and whenever i go to ikea, i just feel a little sad.

it might be fun to design your own house you know. alright. no more for this. im gonna be upset. sometimes, you know, you need some space on your own.

if i ever tear, i would want to hide in my comfort area and weep silently. i dont feel safe if i am feeling damn upset. i had always left nowhere to hide. nowhere to let out.

i cant wait.

my house. it doesnt have to be big like full house.i like quieter places and i kinda like my estate. im free to roam around. its quiet and there's playgrounds everywhere. you can find a swing in 10 mins walk. spot a lot a lot snails along the way. watch the nightsky and the stars. watch cars go by the expressway. 20mins walk for a cinema. 15 mins walk for a market and mrt station.
minimarts nearby. though not much shops but it is like enough for a kid. you know, those childhood days. most importantly, its really quiet and its happy all around.

quiet, simple, cosy, comfortable and mine.
thats my dream house.

full house.

full house

the best place. 

the overview 

another staircase with my dreambike. just that this bike is so much nicer. i only want a bike with basket.  

the livin room.  

spiral staircase everything is damn nice lah! 

bedroom but has a damn beautiful seaview!!!! 

=O! 

living room 

I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

And freedom, freedom, well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late





cold. please. will just anyone be there.

simple sunday

was awoken by mr ah phay this morning. tho a lil sian but i am a happy kid. my mama did not forget the deal about bringing me to mac's for hotcakes! and she woke my dad up and i met hedi downstairs for some casual talks and then my dad drove us all to the market. great morning. tired but great! she went to meet her ah ma and her mum so the Ng's continued to the mac. though i really love lor mee in the morning and the market food. i hadnt had hotcakes for damn long and really looking forward to it. the 2 was staring at me as i eat. but they seem pretty happy. so i got into a chirpy mood.

love the simple feeling. i love breakfast. i hate waking up early but i like the feeling of having breakfast. love the feeling of being the love of my parents. feeling great.

and i was sent off to pei's house. buzz buzz. and i had car fetching me after being lightbulb of phay and pei. =P

all because of the rain. I LOVE RAIN! it just makes me feel excited. i love the smell. (: i love it best when it rains.

all thanks to all the retro songs i hear today. simply make me feel good. rock and roll. feeling much more sober.


somethings we'd just it be. we have to get on with life. no one would ever appreciate for small little things like that. no one ever knows the feeling. perhaps i'll never know it myself too. feeling drunk. we just tend to look on our side. we are all action and reaction pair. how one act, how the other react. it is hard to really know. i'm just someone unknown and unseen. walking like your shadow. silently. dont dare to talk unneccessary. i shouldnt feel that way but i am quite fearful. people do scare me at times. why should i ever feel that way in the first place? i cannot stand the least of horror movies or gruesome gore ones. it is understood why i feel so fearful so easilly. dont frighten me out please.


was staring at the cloudy night sky at the carpark. whisperings and mutterings that i can no longer hear. there werent any stars. nothing more to shine for me. it was still.

there will always be;

my bestest friend HEDI HO HO HO! we're 10 going to 11 years of friends! LOVE YOU TYAR!! =D

Return to innocence

Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself

The return to innocence.

drunk for the night. now. i need yakults. many. plenty. no matter how i drink it, it never keeps me up for now. 

1983年小巷12月晴朗

I am drunk. i feel so much like giving up. this world is so complicated. i am so helpless. why am i so useless. i cant even get anything right. why is it so unfair. you never get appreciated no matter what you do and you have to find something somehow to console yourself every single time. i dont know what should i do. what can i do. how now? i am going nuts. its so unfair. its so terrible that you have no where to vent it out. and you feel so much like breaking down. i dont want anyone to console me anymore. can i just explode. if i explode, i'll hurt people around me. if i dont, i'll be very upset.

BLAIR TO QUIT NEXT YEAR, BUT WON'T GIVE A DATE

oh my god. it is the first time out of so long. i actually didnt slept and i got the strait times earliest! the newspaperman dropped it at my house. thats the title for proof. oh my oh my. midnight madness. i dont feel like sleeping though..

GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

GRRR! its 4.30am in the morning now. i've a dumb rehearsal for yj's gala dinner later on at 10am. never enough of sleep already. its just a waste of time. grrrrr. from 10-5. YJ dont torment me anymore. with so many activities and so many crap going on. actually to think, its never not enough time. if there arent any more activities, the more i would spend my time. as if shiping would sit there properly and study for hours straight. but due to human's natural way to react, GRRR! i will have more time to study (play) WHAT?!

I am tired. Quite. but my failed coffee dinosaur keeps me awake till now. it aint that bad. somehow i kind of like the late hours. it had since long been gone. during o's, i was quite hardworking actually. but i was just playing catching up so i got 16 points instead of 6. that day we had a gathering and we were all talking casually about the past and they declared me hardworking. like since when? but looking back, at least not so bad like now?

I had my best study mate/friend carmen which drive me on at late nights. doing tys together. i kind of miss the life though. we would msg asking each other do until where and complaining of hung-ness. i am hung now!

now im all alone! but thats not the end. im full of energy now! I AM STARTING MY BATTLE PLAN! i looked at physics and i just practically stared at it shell-shocked. WAH LAU what is it talking about? im not going to leave it just like that. i bought an excercise book today and i wrote my target for physics is an A. gotta be kidding since my grades were like F. actually lucky i hand in work and i work it out if im able to pass physics in promos, i can clear it. but im not clearing it! i want to do better.

DONT LAUGH AT ME PEOPLE! later you guys would be staring at me shell-shocked. im going to train myself not sleeping like pig anymore. sleeping eats time away. do you know i am only left with less than A MONTH? i am worried. i dont ever wanna get kicked out. IM ALREADY REPEATING THIS YEAR and im hell regretting. it would be fun to promote together and study but ITS OKAY! i am coping well with certain subjects and shall continue!


NOW WHATS MY BATTLE PLAN? actually i have no idea.

even though i stayed up so late, was just filing all my worksheets, trying to tidy my work and preparing so i can start soon. to everyone, it might be useless. that i wasted my hours of sleep just like that. but not that much, i tend to be able to have motivation at night. maybe not so much of concentration work but keeping me alive at this hour just makes me feel good. research had shown that people who sleep less are more intelligent. well not very sure about that but einstein slept very little. maybe i'll be like him. maybe i will conquer my horrible physics.

actually, brother, i saw your motivation hanging there just reminds me of mine. i began to think about mine. and i really want to sit for As confident and secure of my place in the Uni.

studying is quite all right sometimes. just make people feel very hungry. especially people like me with more mass. especially people like me who is FAT! gRRRRRRR. growl!

i don quite hate it actually.

Things to note:
1) i should never hand in late work anymore because late work just makes me dont feel like doing them and its so irritating doing the work and by not doing them, i'll get zero for daily work. and i'll get kicked out.
2) i should hand in work on time.

I actually do feel tired now. im going sleep soon. GRRRRRRRR!

my coffeeshop

i have a coffeeshop. and im proud of it. it is passed down by my ah gong ah ma then my papa mama. i have no idea if it ever started out from my great ah gong. anw, i missed my grandpops and my another ah ma. even though i had totally no impression but i wonder what is it like to have grandpops. i want grandpa! sadly, but i know they are all up there protecting me. they are always there. i really wonder at times.

long long time ago, my ah ma was about to start another coffee shop and this means we almost could have a chain of coffee shops! but i have no idea what happened long before i existed. my dad describes her as a remarkable woman. she was very thrifty and would rather walk then taking a bus. even if there is concession in the past, i bet she would still walk. hmmm this does not seem to pass down to her granddaughter, who complains more if she walks more. proportionate to how much she walks. heh. she is the boon keng transit queen. right? mr transit king. i only specialise in boon keng not like somebody who is the king of singapore transit.

okay back to the days when policemen wear green shorts and long socks.

that day i was flipping the photo album with my excited mama, she was super excited about her jin xuan ji and she gei gei take out to look when we had a visitor the other day. think i dont know. until i saw that book and i was like hey! and i snatched it (politely) then showed it to our visitor. i was happilly explaining to the visitor about the kor kor and the mei mei story. there was one where the shadow overcast our head which make the kor kor and the mei mei look like the englishmen in uk. you know those in red uniforms and wear a long black bush helmet cap or sth on the head. yeap the effect the shadow and the lighting left kor kor and mei mei, was damn hilarious.

yeap that night when my mama was trying to make her jin xuan ji. and you know what she especially bought one penguin album for it. yeap i saw many pictures and pictures of the past. my grandpops and grandma. i want to see them with my own eyes so much. how i wish i could. but i was only months and they are gone. how could i recall the impression. that is why sometimes, somethings left a deep impression. left an imprint. at that spot.

okay i guess i digress too much. what is the "my coffeeshop" about? i hadnt even started talking about it. it is like a composition title right.

anw, for advertising efforts. it is located at race course road cant remember exact location but its called lung san coffee shop and theres buses 130, 139, 23, 857, 125, 65, 66, 147. for more information, contact shiping. yes yes. it is just opposite of this lung san si temple. it is a tourist spot also.

i love this temple. i love the area. mee toh primary was just beside the temple. it used to be. but mee toh shifted to punggol. maybe if i ever went back to punggol everything does not seems familiar and meaningful i guess. i just love the small school. where we had only 3 stalls. no field. multi-purpose ground for half a basketball court, carpark and assembly area. a mini hall with a big statue where we respect it. though not a buddhist but i love that place. so old so run down so meaningful. the corridor where only 2 person is able to walk each time. the classroom used by 2 class. every corridor every area means a lot to me. sadly, it will be demolished soon. mee toh primary is a good school. where i met my 10 going 11 years best friend.

conclusion : small is beautiful. in short run, can earn supernormal profits.

oh yes i saw the pictures. it was really very old last time but after renovation, it looks newer and more up to date. but now i feel that the old look nicer. it will keep the tradition and more attracted to it. anw, the place is quite run down anw. but its my coffee shop! the NG's!

i dont care if you call me coffee girl or what. i jus like this place. i can feel the orgins you know. the effort the sweat the tears from my ah gong ah ma then my pa pa my mama and me sometimes as a free labourer. i mopped the floor hard. all the sweat. make this place so worthwhile.

one day, i'll make nicest coffee on earth. hah but although i dont have the ambition to walk this route. but im quite surprised by how i feel now. it is just not a coffeeshop. its all my forefather's pains and effort.

it all started just now when i tried to make a coffee dinosaur. failed. anw, i dont like coffee it always taste so bitter. but my mum sure do make nicest coffee. look at all her hands. all resulted in the process of coffeemaking. it is coffee with effort. coffee for me and my brother and the entire family.

we are the coffeemakers.

Note: clever people will know that we does make other drinks as well. like tea. but strangely, people like to call coffeeshop and not teashop or coffeeteashop. next time we'll talk about tea ;)
and milo and horlicks. dont worry. and theres eggs and kaya toast. as well as other stalls like the vegetarian stall, fishball noodles stall, prawn mee stall etc. you guys are clever right?

learning coffee sounds tough. its like an art. i used to hate the names of it.
"kopi, kopi-kosong kopi-o, kopi-c, kopi-peng, kopi-o mai ka tee, kopi-pok, kopi-gao, kopi-o-peng, kopi-c-peng blah kopi blah kopi blah.........."

and some were 60cents, some were 70 cents, some were 80 cents. and somewere 1.20(2 cups) and some were... dont say alr.. people will wanna kill me..

now coffee price increase so i think coffee now might be more expensive. i dont know. go down and check and drink and you'll know. =)

maybe next time i wouldnt be so unwilling to be a free labourer. (:

its my place. my very own ground that i stepped on. the place where im safe.
i love my coffeeshop.

i love the area the neighbourhood where i roam around.

pictured a lifetime (: 

junnan is so mesmerized by my best friend aka shiping look-alike photographer.  

all for you.  

is it turning red yet? 

best friends captured in time 

little man trip 

sometimes, i just dont belong. no matter how hard i try, i never fit in. sometimes, just somehow. i was alawsy imagining some things that could never happen. what if i had not imagine. if only it was real.

picture of the day. bun and bunny's. 

the one way trip.

Sometimes, i shouldnt expect too much out of nothing. sometimes, we should all learn and face it. face the harsh fact. that all is gone. rewind back is just a nonsensical thing. trying to believe that it is not gone yet is the most stupid thing we have done. i surrender. now i admit. i give up. no point. that night everything just showed me clearly. everything is just a plattform for us to keep on believing for nothing. no more that sort. i hate leaving out people and hate being left out. thats it. foolish. i kept thinking i dont feel like going but still something urge me to go. perhaps still the believing that things would be like the past. but i know it will never be. just as i wanted to, people backed out. backed out its still okay. backed out leaving a mess behind just suck. i thought once, our spirit was never to leave anyone behind. was to walk together. but as we separate, our spirit just vanished. we didnt feel strongly for one but just that everything come together. bonding and having a common voice. thats where we had our spirit. but no more that sort. we should all have known. its never about the outing or not. it is about not trying our best anymore. we never seem to take it seriously. we couldnt care less. we assumed many things. assume things on our own. sometimes, it was just not worth it anymore. none of the outings worth anything anymore. it is meaningless with assumptions and all the second thoughts to it. no one now really is being true. we just assume people know and just leave them there. not like the past anymore, when we really wanna make everyone included and would try to pass on the note through our true self and hoping people all know. i guess its us all dont really wanna hang out anymore. with no motivation no incentive to. are we all like monopoly? being blinded only by profits? hah and assuming we do want to maximise profits. forget it people. lets all admit that we all are not that great. i am not. why do people all have the mentality? because we know that what we try to plan always fail now. so just save the effort and just look ahead. since when the friendship turn out this way? even though i know i am behind reality time, i knew for our commitment, i was even more behind fantasy time. it was a time to commit and play a part. i was still looking forward to it. charging my mp3. to think, we even thought of waking up earlier to make sandwiches before the outing. i give up everything for us all. never worth it anymore.

i felt my way on the bus from harbourfront to sentosa now.

rewind back to the days 

had the honour to take picture with the two handsome guys. victor is out,sadly. 

victor's. all his. as usual. 

Ronaldtanahpek, 857 bus riders MISS YOU!