i used up all my strength. i wanted to relieve all the things that had been inside me. i am drained. i cant sleep. i sat there until the ice melted. staring down the corridor. so desolated. without a soul. its so empty. i couldnt hear anything else. fixed. i stared and stared. there is nothing for me to do. i felt lost. there seems to be dark clouds above me where other parts of the world are shinning in the sun. i cant smile. i used up all my strength. i cant speak. i am weak. i'm useless.

heavens.

What are you crying about? stop it. you made me feel even more like tearing. Whythe hell are you even crying. you already made it worst. you spoilt my entire day. you left me in such pathetic state.

Things that shiping noticed today:
1) Sometimes some minor things can make your day worst.
2) The theory of "everyday's a bad day" is proven to be true.

and you cannot blame me for it.

retract the kite. its almost invisible. the wind carried it away. far far away. do you ever notice.

the power of modulus.

i spend my entire day doing nothing. to be precise, spend 3 days doing nothing. good friday, saturday and sunday.

i spend my whole afternoon doing nothing. its 1.18am right now. i should sleep in the day and do my work at night. i seem to be able to concentrate better at night. my brother always tell me, either you sleep or you do work. when you're sian with doing work, go sleep. it seems like life revolve around work and sleep. his theory is effective because dont waste time doing stupid things like blogging in the com, chatting online, watching movies etc etc. but it dont really seem to work on me right?

caught the bad day's video. really is cool. it somehow reflect about our daily lives. so common so nothing worth mentioning about. and when will our day be good? when will it be happy shiping day?

i wrote my literature essay today. i have the urge to smack the villian in the novel. but when i pen down, im clueless what to write. i feel super helpless about the pathetic innocent victim. felt so strongly about it. he died so innocently you know but i simply dont know what to write.



1) shine and smile.
2) rain and frown.

which one is your day today?

`sing a sad song jus to turn it 'round


use the greatest mathematical invention - the MODULUS sign.
all the negative will become positive.
thats the power of the modulus sign.
amazing aint it.

thoughts that ran wild.

really; is it neccessary. the image that adults portrayed in front of me, are they doing it themselves? i cant question but i ponder. we had always been told we're not allowed to question authority since young. it would be called rude. but are they always right.

i really dont get it. i dont know how to spell it out. there is nothing i can say about it. i kept silence. my silence as always. i hate silence. its creeping.

im trying hard to balance. i wont fall for now. i'm proving my capability. i shall control the overflowing tears.

im joyful. less things to concern with. being free.

for some things, i cannot stop thinking about it. things that wont get out of my mind. and i dont even know what they are. but i jus know im thinking deeply.

stress-free, people! (=

rainin'

it had been damn long. damn damn long before i sat in front of my com. i know the moment i on my com, i would never go until bedtime. but i felt like coming online tonight. want to indulge myself in all kinds of music. wanna take a break.

its still raining. why wouldnt it stop. let me perspire day in day out. i wouldnt mind. pheww.. been chionging as much work as i can. people said they never see me stop studying in canteen. they say my work never ends. yeap quite true but im still struggling. i've got to work extremely hard than now i guess. to get to where i want.

realised i've become so much heck. i want to heck the whole world and living it myself. i want to. but i realised some things just cant. i want to ignore and be ignored. i'll be damn carefree with nothing to worry nothing to trouble over, am i right hedi?

things never stop. moving in a fast pace.

too fast to control. too tragic to pause.

i am not a robot. i am tired. mentally and physically. im tired every moment. every now and then. there is so much to carry. heavy things. work load getting heavier and heavier each moment. why cant this world stay simple?

i've learnt. learn that compromise is spelled as com-promise. nice word right. linked with promise. i've learnt. i tried. i should try to spare a thought for others. but some things cannot be controlled. at least i tried to learn. i've tried. i've learnt. when the night falls, its aching. i aint that heck hedi. i told ya that because from my view you need to learn that. maybe to some others. i might be but there are things that we simply cannot hecked about. actually you're not that jia lat than me. at least you're livin' your life simple. you have no clue about the harsh reality. but my thoughts are running wild that i cant stop. i feel so complicated somehow. guess this blog entry is damn emotic but im not. i exasperate. all the time. feel so strongly about every single shit but helpless. i cant change the world. the world can change me.

its all that i've got. what?

been real busy with school. i try my best. maybe not able to see the effect so soon. but i know i am trying. i've been trying for quite some time. i don want to retreat. maybe into the little corners of mine. where the world's mine (:

I'll be just fine-
pretending i'm not.
i'm far from lonely and its all that i've got.



when the stars go blue.


its my turn.













minesweeper has bombs all around. and you need to think before you click. i have totally no confidence in myself. i'm losing. i know i am. i know i can never be simple. i can never stay simple because my thoughts were so deep. its bottomless. its fruitless. i feel so frustrated everytime. i feel so helpless everytime. i was left hanging and im holding on. when will eternity comes? then peace will come. stop this while. paused the world. forward. rewind. no. dont ever push the button play.



sometimes i jus dont know how to react to things.

blame me because i am dumb. i feel so stupid all the while. i never felt clever before. all the things i've done are all dumb. dumb things and im still doing it. i wanted to give up so much but i know i cant. efforts cannot be compared. i know. why cant i feel any cleverer any intelligence in me.

im stranded. like from the kite. the lost connectivity to the string. i'm the kite. i thought i could fly. but the thing that allows me to stay in the air is the wind. after some time, i lost direction and i fall. back to where i originally started. i thought so.

and hey not being emo freak here. im just listening to ge qian and then this wild thought ran past me.

how to hide. tracks of disappearance. i wished i could. voom voom vish! shiping disappeared from the world. vanished. a shiping-shaped hole in the universe vanished. hahha being super lame.

I wished i can see your world.



Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. k.o-ed.

01042006'

went over to hedi's house this morning and heard a few couple songs and i thought it was really good. currently quite like those kind of songs. we slacked around and time flies. maybe i cant really concentrate on my work during weekends.

i'm building my momentum. slowly. things would get better. studying became one of my hobby. especially when im in school. those breaks seem quite right actually. hmmm probably the late time table isnt a bad thing. life seems so balanced with schoolwork cca friends and... perfect probably. hmmm but i hadnt been catching up with carmen and gera for quite some time.. especially gera who went practically mia-ed. =P but im glad we're meeting soon. though hadnt got much time but i try my best alright guys.

i'm supposed to be in bed. im feeling tired but dont feel like sleeping. into this few songs that hedi introed:

Pearl Jam - Last kiss

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car,
We hadn't driven very far.
There in the road straight ahead,
A car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right,
I'll never forget the sound that night.
The screaming tires, the busting glass,
The painful scream that I heard last.

When I woke up, the rain was falling down,
There were people standing all around.
Something warm flowing through my eyes,
But somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said;
"Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close I kissed her - our last kiss,
I found the love that I knew I had missed.
Well now she's gone even though I hold her tight,
I lost my love, my life that night.

Uncle kracker - Follow me

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around and say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you, I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singin

Follow me everthing is allright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm not worried bout the ring you wear
Cause as long as I know one knows than nobody can care
You're feelin guilty and I'm well aware
But you dont look ashamed and baby I don't care
I'm singin

Follow me everthing is allright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you
Want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
Your better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go astray
And we'll be alright if you don't ask me stay

Follow me everthing is allright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if youWant to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Lifehouse- Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go


Bowling for soup - A-hole

When I came home my stuff was on the lawn
I thought she was happy, but I was wrong
The note she left it took me by surprise
Said I’ve turned into, some other guy
The things she said that she gave up for me
She says it was a waste of time

Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking
Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking
Things were so goodBut you were in love, with some other guy
He looked just like me, but I make you cry,
You know I don’t mean to, I’m just an asshole sometimes

I never saw myself as being alone
And maybe that was my problem, cuz now she’s gone
And I can’t help but think of how things could be (how things could be)
And I hope she’s happy, happy with out me
And all the things she gave up for me,
I took for granted time after time

Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking
Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking
Things were so goodBut you were in love, with some other guy
He looked just like me, but I make you cry,
You know I don’t mean to, I’m just an asshole sometimes

And please don’t think I’m complaining
I was just happy to have her for a time
And if you see her tell her I said”hello and that I’m doing just fine”

Guess I don’t really know, what I was thinking
Would’ve thought we would float, but we kept sinking
Things were so goodBut you were in love, with some other guy
He looked just like me, but I make you cry,
You know I don’t mean to, noYou know
I don’t mean toI’m just an asshole sometimes

Soul Asylum - Runaway train

Called you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that I couldn't even sleep
so many secrets I couldn't keep
promised myself I wouldn't weep
one more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep there's no way out this time
I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
make it somehow all seem worth while
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so dated

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows here
I am just drowning in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train
and everything seems cut and dry day and night,
earth and sky somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughing at the rain a little out of touch,
little insane it's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never coming back
Runaway train is tearing up the track
Runaway train burning in my veins,
Runaway but it always seems the same

-------------------------------------------

happy april's fool day. through those laser words.
my delication for you- sorry and thanks.
thanks for everything you've done. plenty.
sorry for times i upset you. many.
i'm really happy. really contented.

my delication.

have you felt it?



wished that you have no dreams
wished you're out of troubles
upon tonight
you're safe and sound.
rest well, my g-a
peace out.