one last time.

[[ one last time ]]

argh i miss you terribly.

i really hate walking home.
i really hate it. hate it.

i give myself hope.
i know it wont come true but..

argh..
argh..

why hours seems so fast..
why days seems so slow..

some people you cant say about what is good about him..
but is jus that you cant compare with anyone else....

for the one last time before i close my eyes..
i want to tell you how much i love you..
in your arms.. don wan let go..
so many things i havent told you yet..
i'm tired.. i want to close my eyes..
this time separate.. cant meet anymore..
cant be there with you anymore..
but don forget about the memories we had..
please promise me to live your life happilly..

argh getting super emo now.. thanks to the songs im hearing..

the memories we had JUST WONT GO AWAY!
the pain im having now JUST WONT GO AWAY!

argh.

pitter patter.
pitter patter.

[[ The small little clown fish ]]

Feel like ignoring the whole world.
It hurts. still hurts alot.

I am okay in the day.
but when im alone, im terrible.

When i walk home everytime,
the feeling sucks.
sucks man!
I was hoping you are hiding in some corner
and when i look around,
theres nothing.
nothing there.

I walk home in tears.
I washed my face with tears everyday.

I am not asking you back.
Im tolerating the pain.
Im tolerating the pain since the day you left.

I'm really lost without you.
I am hoping every single day.
Im hysterical already.
I cant controlled myself.

How to hide my sadness.

I hate walking home. walking the same old path.
but all i wanted is to see you for another time.. jus one more time..

i know somewhere you will be there.
I thought so but i land myself in disappointment everyday..

I am stupid.
stupid enough to get emo with my frens ard..
rfc really rocks..
they really.. i've nth more to say..

sigh, i dont know. but.. we broke.
sigh, i dont know. but.. we broke.
sigh, i dont know. but.. we broke.

He said that.

The greatest sorrow perhaps is you let go of someone you love.

yet i don know how am i able to tolerate this.
im telling myself.
its ok its ok.
tolerate, shiping.

bit yourself hard.
it will ease the pain.
it will stop the tears.
it will it will.
tolerate for this moment.

I AM NOT OKAY
I AM NOT I AM NOT
I AM REALLY IN PAIN.

those kind of pain that really hurts in ur heart.
I don wan let go but i did.
i don wan to look back but i wished i can.

When im walking home,
i told myself.. if you're here now.. i don care anymore..
I wanna go with you.
I will go with you.
I will go up to you and tell you how much i miss you..
how badly i miss you..

"tonight we bade farewell
although how much i didnt want to
jus pretend i din see this heartbreak scene"

I saw the box of hearts.
I couldnt take it.
I close it immediately and put it away.
that 100 hearts you made for me.

It made me teared.
teared horribly.

this time i really fall so deep..

stupid!

im so tired.
i've been so tired.

I'm sick.
sick for so long.

you're my cure.

i never been so sick for so long.

sighs... im talking rubbish..
ignore me larr.....
damn!

one last time.

im tolerating myself.
the pain im giving myself.
shiping you should really shuddup and get a life man.
you deserved it man.
thats ur problem.
i cant be bothered.
argh.


That small little clown fish is me.

Traces of your departure

Signs and symptoms of Break-Ups

1. Insomnia
2. Sudden change in attitude
3. Mood swings
4. Suddenly laugh for nothing
5. PMS
6. Loss of appetite
7. Suddenly too hungry
8. Speed-eating
9. Too active
10. Kept quiet for a long period
11. Stress
12. Very frustrated with whole world
13. A weaker immunity in health
14. Songs get you emo damn fast
15. Too emotional
16. Keep talking
17. Tears that flow automatically
18. Tears that wont stop
19. Tears
20. Tears

Had a really enjoyable day with rfc. to town to movie. to sentosa.

They really made me smile.

RFC! LOVE YOU GUYS! (:

I am trying my best. to keep that smile. I'll be back soon.

Just ignore me this moment. I'll be okay.

[Traces of your departure]

Where can i find you?

Some anonymous called today. a private number. I was crazy. Someone called and kept quiet. I thought its you. I admit im dumb. sensitive to think this way. whats wrong with me. is that you? where are you? am missing you like crazy.

But its ok. I tried to look another side. I've been keeping myself busy. I will be okay. I will be. I will be.

Everyone will get hurt. No one will be spared.

Since this thing, I've been gging crazy. I cant eat, cant sleep well. I'm really tired.

I didnt mean not to eat. didnt mean not to eat so much.

but i didnt know why i would be this way. I didnt land myself in this state on purpose. I didnt think of you when i eat. but i jus cant. i don hav the appetite or i would be eating a lot.

It really really hurts now.

deep down inside. I'm bleeding. I'm tearing.

Why will i be like this? So horrible.

I hate the me now.

Im gging back soon.

I will be alright I will be okay i will be alright i will be okay i will be okay i will be alright i will be okay i will be alright i will be alright i will be okayy i will be alright i will be ok i will be alright i will be ok..

okayy. alright.

I wanna run and never stop running.

I'm lost.

I WANNA GO CRAZY

I WANNA SCREAM

I WANNA SHOUT

I WANNA I WANNA

where will you be.

where can i find u

do i still wanna

why

im lost

so lost

without you.

traces of ur departure..

how can i hide my sadness..

I still bring along your smile wherever i go..

on the way to search for my lost happiness..

everything seems so nice.

so perfect.

everyone seems so happy.

so perfect.

how come im not.

im so torn. whyyyyyyyyyy?????

i cant breathe.

garden festival.

[garden festival]

sometimes after so long.
we'll all feel so dead.

i love the sound of rain.
i love the smell of rain.
i love rain.

friday was whackiest.
the smashed cake party.
it was super fun. i never laugh like that before.
rfc rocks.

whats wrong with me?
forever attitude.
im sorry.

sometimes i really feel so odd..
so sad so depressed..
livin in this world is hell..
i look at myself..
im a tragedy..
i messed up my life.

everything everyone everywhere.
making it worst as possible.

i cant make it through promos.
what the hell is wrong with me?

what the hell are you waiting for?

Tears flow easilly now. very easilly.
I dont know why but..

feeling so dead.

cant get enough of garden festival.
thats perhaps my favourite song out of jay songs.
love yuan you hui like siao.

And then i remembered him.
Why is he having an impact on me?
I froze whenever i see jay.
too similar.
it jus made me recall something.

i look back. how foolish.
im so hurt.

compare now and then.
together with someone is more hurting than one sided love.
the pain is unimaginable.
one day im gonna be right.

where are you?
i thought you are supposed to cease my pain.

im tired. back for some sleep.
not going school today.
really drained.
i'll do my revision.

oh god.. i miss you like crazy..

people around me.. can you all be more real?
sometimes, got so crazy.
forgive me.

i wanna run away.
i wanna escape.
somebody take me away.
i don care who.
jus take me away.
i feeling so torn
feeling so lost.

tired of this world.
tired of this life.
tired of everything.
tired of fake smiles.