getting tired.

i've been down with a disease. a virus.

i kept sleeping.
i feel so tired every moment.

i wake up at 12 last sunday and slept at 3 and wake up at 6+ and i slept again at 9. then yesterday i slept again at 5+ when i reached home all the way till this morning. and i still slept on the bus and i am feeling tired now again. what?

=D

laugh at me you whoever. i said everything will surface. everything will show. read the note. the seriousness tone of the note.

strange =|

staring at nothing. slept too long.

hadnt been here quite somewhile alr. was busy watching shows and sleeping late and getting sick. am afraid of being sick. it makes me feel im damn weak. i hate it man. i dont like to be weak. everything jus comes in your way.

for the first time i very much wanted to rest. lying on the bed staring at nothing didnt feel that bad when i all along thought it was since young. i hate being sick when i was young because of being sick, i'm dead. killed by boredom. somehow lying there aimlessly feels quite right. realise so many people around me care for me so much. so many important people i knew care for me. i felt loved. for this time.

the world's turning. my vision's blurred. i cant hear.

ikea and hedi.

sighs. am feeling fat and lazy and bored. today went ikea with pei! great shopping spree man. i love ikea! i wanna go there again! bought a lot of shiping-thinks-its-cute-but-usless stuffs. i better save some. i'm going broke broke broke soon..

pei was feeling quite tired today so we actually end up saying about going home. i dont quite like the idea because theres nth for me to do at home and i wont nap unless i'm real tired. and i would only slack around do nothing. and the most important thing is hedi's out of singapore. =( i cant go to her house slack which is better than slacking around my house as i only revolve around me and my soul. or i can collect my books and make my way to the next block which is her house to study.

hedi ho! i miss ya! (:

i jus feel damn odd somehow without your presence. even though half of the time i will be talking to my friends and you will be talking to yours.

thats today's entry. hedi and ikea. ikea and hedi. (=



-just to discover i'm getting more and more in love with you.

standing in the centre stage of lonliness. watching my own shadows float past. hearing the music repeating and repeating. i promise you will see. not a hero. no power to combine 3 divided nations. how could not understand lonliness. everything repeats itself.

that day when hedi went over my house. she told me something that keeps going on in my head. that- trust is hard to build; easy to break. how true.

if music be the food of love; play on.

Used.

aimlessly alive.

i hate pretence. i hate to pretend. waiting makes me weaker. which would you prefer. sensitive or insensitive. i've got plenty of things goin ard in my mind but when you ask me what am i thinking. i've got nothing to say. now i'm feeling empty as well. i dont know what to write anymore.

today's a friday. and i am supposed to be in school but i wasnt. was feeling damn drained. damn tiring. but strangely as it seems, i woke up 7plus going 8 full of energy. i slept enough. damn. i missed and miss the maths lecture. maths was the best lesson to me ever. i've done my maths tutorial and unlike last year when i'm forever going to the class complaining and with incomplete work. and i go to lesson and i feel so good that i've done all my tutorial and i understood clearly. yayy and i love maths.

was studying elasticity this morning. but dont feel like doing it already so i put it aside. waiting for school. that stupid girl is still watching show and i am feeling damn bored at home. twelve seems a long way to go. twelve never struck. in life, there arent any twelve because i'm living in reality not fantasy.

i am invisible. you cant see me.

i always remember. it was late afternoon. it lasted for forever and it ended so soon. you were all by yourself. staring up at the dark red sky. i was changed. in places no one will find. all your feelings so deep inside. was now then i realised. that forever was in your eyes. the moment i saw you- cry. i wanted to hold you. i wanted to make it go away. i wanted to know you. i wanted to make your everything. i always remember. i wasnt sure.broken. i cant i cant pick up the pieces. i've thrown all my words all around. i cant i cant give you a reason. i feel so broken up. here i go. scream my lungs out trying to get to you. if i can find you now, things would get better. we could leave this town and run forever. let it burn let it burn. gotta let it burn. i try to be perfect but nothing was worth it. i dont believe it makes me real. i thought it wld be easy but no one believes me. i am trying to let you know. that im better off on my own. this place is so empty. my thoughts are so tempting i dont know how it got so bad. sometimes its so crazy. nothing can ever be so wrong. it never get easy. if you believe its in my soul, i say all the words i know. theres a woman crying out tonight. her world has changed. she cant sleep at night. how can they sleep at night. just wanna make this right. we believe in this love. believe me. if you dont want to, you dont have to believe it. i try to -

that joyful song makes me upset.
the sweetest part in love. is perhaps the beginning of everything.

the sweetest part in friendship. is perhaps the point when the world's down.
the sweetest part in family. is perhaps the point when the world's up.
the sweetest part in studies, is perhaps the results when you work for it.

the sweetest part in life, is perhaps when these 4 parts go together.

egg-tarted.
egg-retarded.








-byeeee.

tired =|

i'm so hell tired.



*you make me happy when skies are grey.
you are my sunshine. -

I'll be jus fine.

I'll be jus fine.


yeah school's without fleas and blossphua. hahha and no more beckeh porkeh shouting across the classroom for funkeh monkeh. and no more blossphua cause she's bittersweet. hahha but somehow it make me laugh damn hard when i am reminded of it. and all the people in my class going for ogling. wonder what difference would be left in the class. probably i'll be quiet and real damn quiet. looking forward to school. and not. looking forward to study harder strive harder. to get my batteries. (battery friends would know what it meant) and not because there isnt anymore people that i can talk to. not much. not the usual few. no more green tea partner in the morning. its really rare to find someone who had the same craving for green tea as you do early in the morning. and then no more someone who aye i tell u sth.. aye nth.. i guess i'll miss these days dearly but a big thank you to this few. they left me with memories.

i really wanted to stay aloof but i couldnt do it. i guess its jus not me.

its okay. i would work harder for my goals. i know. i know it will be coming. nothing really left in my mind except to work exceptionally hard. i am motivated and i know its different this time 'round. i know. its coming. i'm working. working real hard as much as i can to get to my goals. to get to where i want. i know there will be this one day. this day its gonna be my best day ever. i am determined so much determined more than anything else more than anytime else. i've learnt. from the day in the hall. i stood aside. eyes fixed on the frantic faces. that couldnt be me. i'll prove myself right. prove everyone else wrong. that i can. i can do it more than anything else. whatever it takes (: though my results aint really showing me the effort i've done these weeks but i know someday it will be. its hard. i know its tough. its tough at the beginning. i'll endure it. the only competitor left in this world would be myself. its saddening to see people doing better than me. but i know im improving. i know what i am doing. believe me once more. believe me one last time. mum and dad, believe me.

i am not like bro who never failed to disappoint you. i need a longer time to get to where i am. but trust me one last time, i'll prove you all wrong. cant you see im already changing. im no longer who i used to be. people said that about me too. its because i realised. i realised the things. the ugly things life left for us to face. i realised that the feeling of really lost. i dont want to feel lost one more time again. i dont care how much i do. i dont care even if i did the ten year series; i'll still not anywhere near the peak. i dont care even if i attended all lectures all tutorials did my homework and i still got a F. because eventually all this will surface. all this will show. all this will show all my effort. remember this. everything will show in the end. so i aint gonna care how much you people can laugh at me. laugh for all everyone want to. because eventually everything will serve as a proof. because i will succeed in the end.
i read the note. read the seriousness of the tone.



pretending i'm not.

the world's mine.

wonder what am i feeling right now. quite lethargic. maybe i should have tried not to be so bonded with people. thats why maybe i would feel so sad that some people are leaving. but i never regretted knowing them. they probably add a lot of fun to my life in the first three months. i'll remember this few people for life!

its okay. i know its gonna be okay. bcos thats life. people come and go. already i am. knowing what life would bring us to. all the reality that people would never want to face. i know. i got myself very acquainted with life already. sometimes its saddening but at least i know whats life. though i very much dislike the kind of feeling. but i am used to it.

im stuck in my corners. those little corners im confined to. but im glad. i have somewhere to retreat to. im feeling sick. these few days. sick but not so much with im sick. im jus feeling sick somehow. maybe it would be good if i can disappear. run away. how much i want to run away from everything.

i'll tell you whats happening last week.
1) A's results out. bro did it again.
2) disappointed with my chinese. got a 3.
3) only As are important.
4) the feeling of going up the stage to recieve your triple As.
5) no more aiming EEO for promos.
6) AAA.
7) understand what life force people to do.

got back from hedi's house. pretty comfortable slacking around her room at nights. didnt study jus pure slacking around. wished this never ends. felt so good. felt so comfortable. back to the young days.

I wanna scream. badly.

and the dream that is perfect. i wan it. badly. perfect never exists. im comfortable here; right here the world's mine.

on the way to hedi's house. was at the void deck waiting for the lift. i saw a young couple carry luggages and hailing a cab. i cant help but stare. and the few thought i was mad. damn. i wanna go overseas. the feeling was damn good lah. and most of the times when u go overseas, you wake up in the wee hours of the morning or in the middle of late nights. the feeling was quite fresh. you feel so refreshed right. something different from the normal timings when u wake up for school for work. i looked at them in envy. and when you reach the airport. quiet except for the announcments and the pulling of luggages and people whispering and tapping of the shoes. arghh i cant help it. im going nuts. i want to go badly. out of this place. to a place of strangers. i rather be free from everything. i wanna go now. this minute. right now.

right here the world's mine.