OBS!

[Outward Bound Singapore]

Before I start on my OBS journey... which will be a very long one.. I dont know if i've got the energy to write on.. well.. today is the 5th day and the last of OBS!!! Thats why I'm bluudy tired now.. I carnt open my eyes wide.. I'm falling asleep soon.. really needed rest.. After going thru OBS.. Indeed I've grown stronger mentally and maybe physically as well.. but.. I learnt a skill that is to sleep anywhere.. I can sleep standing up now.. can sleep with eyes open.. can sleep anywhere.. slept on grass, mud, rain, rocks during obs..

first.. Mr Ruz, dont compare lar duh! fail only.. whats the big deal man.. dont let such small thing deter you from studying even harder and moving on!...people can do well their problem.. you try ur best and thats it.. and you try harder and harder each time.. okae? dont give up so easilly la.. thats not the mr ruz i know of.. okae? treat studies like how the way you treat soccer.. that passion in your eyes that never die off... go on! okae?

well peeps. carnt take it anymore longer. I shant blog today. tmr will be busy as well. am not sure when will i have the time to blog.. but hopefully asap.. damn tired..cyas!!

oh today i need aircon to sleep. oh man.. I'm at home.. This is hell much comfortable......Zzzzzzzzzz

Why

Hello people, again, apologies due to the lack of blogging. I know it sounds crap but i didnt blog yesterday coz i was totally down and out. Not because of me being lethargic or what so ever. It was because i had my telephone skills which was quite mediocre. But the kick to the teeth was my LCOMM results. It was my case reading test and i scored 18/50. OMG! Its my law subject and i did it oh so badly. =( I cant even remember what i did yesterday. All i could think off is i followed naz to harbourfround to collect some free gift and ate at macdonald feeling dejected with my results. Sigh, i need to buck up! I'm stupid in english. i cant even construct a sentence without any grammar error. And MAX who is a slacker scored 45/50. Cool, he has shown his true blood of ACS genius freaks.

Then today was econs. I told the class if i pass i will jump down coz i know i did badly. And indeed i didnt jump. Coz i scored 78/100. It makes me feel better at the least but i expected a 90? Hmm cant have high expectations but NO. i must score these 'tests'. Its the small things that add up to the a whole figure, not the whole figure itself. Sigh. ANd max again scored 80. Teck wee got 83, Pamela 100 and TIng ni 96. All so high and clever. Im one of the worst. I wanna do well in law, but can i? Should i regret my choice of turning down soccer for law? I really think so. But its too late, im interested in law full blooded. My dream of soccer is dream but it runs through me too. I cant do it. She is my everything, without her i feel lost; shiping. Sigh. I dont know what else can i do now. Inside me is killing me. Slowly.

ruzaini

Get tangled up in me.

Tangled Up In Me
Skye Sweetnam

You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine
I'm the one that's honking at you 'cause I left late again

[CHORUS]:
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Can't you see I want you by the way I push you away, yeah!
Don't judge me tomorrow by the way I'm acting
Take the words up with the actions deeal with all for your reaction, yeah!
Hey! Hey!
Get tangled up in me

You want to know more, more, more about me
Got to know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see

[CHORUS]
You think that you know me (Get tangled up in me)
You think that I'm lonely (Get tangled up in me)
When everything I do is only to get tangled up in you...

You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl that's sweeping you off your feet

[CHORUS]

He's my $4.55

loves green tea! hMphs. =) 

127 = green tea lovers! 

hahha! 

wah.. lols! 

Sure a nots? 

mEee!! 

One block of wood. Why I like it so much? 

uHhh? 

FUCK

FUCK FUGGING

carnt they jus shuddup.

they make a mess out of my life.

they make me terrible.

freak. a bunch of freakks.

sad to say my life's a tragedy.

My family is the tragedy.

I'm the tragedy.

I'm the main lead in my story.

Everything gets into my way.

They dont seem to understand.

I dont wanna go home.

All you guys do is either complain nag and yag.

might as well FUCK OFF

get out. get out. freak.

i cant take this anymore.

jus shuddup.

I dont wanna go home.

A bunch of freakkers.

I dont wanna go home.

Its unsafe.

Its sad.

Its so tragic.

My life's a tragedy.

In my story. I died so horribly.

Its not loving.

Its my hell. honestly it is.

They always bring me down.

down to the most bottom of my mood.

I dont wanna go home.

now you know. the reasons for making up reasons which seems excuses to you.

cos of us.

we are a tragedy.

Today i wrote this book.

The tragedy of she and her family.

seems happy yet seems unhappy.

happy is totally happy.

unhappy is totally unhappy.

I shed the tears.

the blood.

it never heals.

it gets more serious.

dont ever take it out ALL ON ME.

you got it?

DONT EVER TAKE IT OUT ALL ON ME.

EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE MY FAULT.

all sorts of emotions now.

angry. sad. unhappy. wronged. freak. messed up. disturbed.

dont blame me.

DONT BLAME ME.

I may seems to be very emotionally unstable now. Its wrong of me to say this kind of things. I should be grateful to everything. dont claim im senseless or claim im immature. or even im spoilt or whatever whatever. when it comes, you will behave the same way i do.

frustrated. exasperated.

understand. dont tell me i should not behave this way and that. the fact that they are driving me mad.

Family portrait. We dont have one. We have an illusion family portrait. where the damages are underneath it. behind the photo.

the tears. the blood.

you never seems to know.

Being so senseless or unreasonable.

i apologise.

but i dont regret whatever i said.

I still dont wanna go home.